First new baby in 13 years, Aston Martin Vantage is the epitome of British cool

ACCORDING to Dr Google, the human body replaces itself every seven years.

We get a whole new skin every two to four weeks, our red blood cells survive less than half the year and the liver renews itself at least once every couple of years.

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All very similar to cars, then.

In the car world, most models are completely renewed every seven years, with just a little nip/tuck somewhere in between.

But not so with the Vantage. Aston hasn’t messed with its baby sports car since 2005. That’s t-h-i-r-t-e-e-e-n years. Until now.

But boy oh boy, was it worth the wait. This 2018 Vantage looks as fit as a butcher’s. A cross between Bond’s DB10 and the wild Vulcan track car.

It uses the same aluminium bones as the DB11 with a stonking 4-litre twin-turbo V8 transplanted from Mercedes-AMG, albeit retuned to Aston’s own hymn sheet. It is also the first Aston equipped with an e-diff.

You want numbers? OK, coming right up. The Vantage is 510hp with 685Nm of torque (that’s good) feeding the rear wheels. It can box off 0-62mph in 3.6 seconds, on to 195mph flat-out. This thing will own a Porsche 911 GTS off the lights and even hotter versions will follow.

Driving observations. It feels properly sorted. As well as that stunning throttle response, it has huge grip, wonderful balance, superb damping control and the feeling of a lovely short wheelbase for quick changes of direction. And it sounds epic in full-attack mode. I liked it a lot.

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The interior less so. Yes, you feel at home instantly. The driving position is pretty much spot on and the nice big metal paddle shifts, leather and carbon trim all please. The electrics are Mercedes, another bonus.

Now here it comes . . . but . . . that fussy nest of buttons could and should have been simplified. It feels like old money. And I’m not a fan of Aston’s high dashboard.

Having said that, the Vantage is still the Aston I’d buy. It’s the epitome of British cool and turns more heads than a Porsche or an Audi R8.

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Which brings me nicely to a few things that Dr Google got wrong.

The olfactory bulb in the brain (which helps us smell) stays with you for life. As does heartache, when you realise you’ll never afford an Aston.

It's an Aston Martin world

YOU’D think these gadgets had come straight from Q’s lab – but they’re real.

The world’s rich people can now add an Aston Martin submarine and powerboat to their toy box.

Then there’s the Aston Martin-designed Miami penthouse for bedding Bond girls and, er, the Aston Martin pram if they get carried away.

Thankfully, all of this hasn’t detracted from the car side of the business. The DB11 and Vantage — two of the coolest motors on the planet — are selling faster than a Greggs’ meal deal. Read my Vantage review, above.

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1. Aston submarine, £3million. This three-seat sub has 360-degree visibility and can dive to 500 metres. It was developed with Triton but the interior is pure Aston, dripping in carbon-fibre and hand-stitched leather.

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2. AM37 powerboat, £1.2million. Seriously quick with a car-like steering wheel, fingerprint recognition and 15in HD touchscreen. It has two petrol engines producing a monster 1,040bhp and will do 60mph (52 knots).

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3. Miami residence, £500,000 to £37million. Aston is designing the interior of a 66-floor, sail-shaped tower at Biscayne Bay. All eight penthouses (£37million) have private pools.

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4. Bicycle, £16,000. OK, it’s a Storck/Aston Martin road racing bike that weighs just 5.9kg and uses Pirelli P Zero tyres, like some Aston road cars. But it’s still sixteen thousand pounds — you can buy a Ford Fiesta for that.

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5. Aston pram, £3,000. Ah, yes, Mr D. Craig. You’ll be needing one of these soon. The Silver Cross Surf Aston Martin Edition has air-ride suspension and a sheepskin seat liner to keep baby 007 cosy. Coochy, coochy, cool.

Snazzy Jazz

NOTE. This road test was printed in big letters in the newspaper version so old people could read it – the only humans ever likely to want a Honda Jazz.

I’m not being unkind here because it’s true. The Jazz is the perfect bingo bus for people with nothing to do between meals.

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Honda knows this too.

That’s why the Jazz has been specially engineered with wide-opening doors for easy access, sofa-like seats, big chunky dials, loud indicators (handy for the hard of hearing), brilliant all-round visibility and a gigantic boot that swallows more stuff than Mary Poppins’ handbag.

It also has an easy-peasy touchscreen satnav with oversized letters – see, I’m not being mean – and there’s lots of bright colours to help find it in the car park.

But there’s more. Honda has popped a little blue pill in the Jazz to give it more zip.

This new Sport version is powered by a 130hp naturally aspirated 1.5-litre petrol engine – others are 1.3 – so it really sings when you push it.

And get this, gangsta granny: It’s actually a tenth quicker from 0-62mph than a VW Up GTI.

It also wears a nice PE kit: 16in alloys, red pinstripe bumpers, red stitching, rear spoiler and front fogs.

But let’s not get too excited here. It’s still a snazzy Jazzy, it’s never going to join the Halfords car park crew.

I’ll finish with two observations from my 400-mile test.

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First, I averaged 44mpg – just three short of the official figures – and I’ve never been a hyper-miler. Impressive.

Secondly, the suspension is a leeetle soft for my liking and flops about like a tweenager without wifi. But give me ten years and I’ll probably love it.

Pardon? I said give me ten years and I’ll probably love it.