New Mercedes Sprinter is the van every tradesman needs – because it can fix itself

EVERY single tradesman I know has the same problem: Time management.

They’re grafting for 12 hours a day, juggling ten jobs, getting the apprentice out of bed, rushing to the butty van, hanging a set of doors as a favour for their nan’s neighbour…

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They’re not sat in some fancy riverside office with a pot plant in the corner and a secretary saying: “Oops, you’ve got this to do.”

My carpet fitter didn’t get round to invoicing me for six weeks because he’s so swamped.

So the last thing he’s going to be thinking about is getting his van serviced or giving it a lick of oil.

Well, let me nudge you towards the new Mercedes Sprinter, because it’ll sort all that for you. It’s like having your own on-board PA.

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When the van thinks, ‘I’m going to need brake pads in 200 miles’, it pings a message to the dealer — and they contact you to get it booked in. Quality.

Then there’s the self-cleaning reversing camera, eco calculator that awards you “bonus miles” for good driving, real-time tracking (for fleet managers), plus all sorts of assistance tech lifted straight from Merc road cars.

I’m sure you’ve spotted it already but the cherry is that 10.25in widescreen dash operated by steering wheel touchpads — or by saying: “Hey Mercedes.”

Yes, really.

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“Hey Mercedes” is a Siri-like virtual assistant that can set the satnav, change the radio, make calls, compare local fuel prices and so on. And it learns more as you use it.

Not even the S-Class has this tech yet.

Other upgrades in this third-gen Sprinter (now divorced from the VW Crafter) include wifi, SOS assistance, bolstered seats, Apple CarPlay and DAB radio for the first time.

Now for the oily bits.

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The two diesels — 2.1-litre turbo and 3-litre V6 turbo — are the same as the Sprinter just retired and have SCR with AdBlue to eliminate NOx.

But now you can have FWD, RWD or AWD and there’s an all-electric eSprinter (93-mile range) on the way.

Prices start at £24,350 excluding VAT for the L1 H1 (short, standard roof) and this black bomber is the L2 H2 at £32,820. Contract hire from £339 a month.

The jumbo L4 is like a cathedral inside with its 4.7m floor length and maximum load capacity of 17m3 (cubic metres) up to 5.5 tons.

That’s a lot.

The Merc PR woman tells me there are 1,700 height/length/body/chassis/powertrain variations.

I’ll take her word for it. I’m too busy trying to track down my plumber to work it out.

Tried and tested

By Julian, kitchen fitter from Sheffield

Speaking of grafters, let me introduce you to my brother Julian, a kitchen fitter from Sheffield, who runs a 2017 Sprinter. Here’s his verdict on the 2018 van:

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“I’ve already decided I want to trade up. It’s a totally different van. The seats are mint.

“I felt comfortable straight away. You sit in them, not on them.

“The touchscreen is mindblowing. So easy to use. Satnav, phone, radio – it’s all there, with thumb controls on the steering wheel when you’re on the go.

“Merc has clearly listened to customer feedback because first gear feels longer – you’re not having to change up mid-turn pulling out of a junction. The steering is better too, like a Transit.

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“What else do I like? The reversing camera is top-notch, lots of information, and there are small improvements everywhere: electric folding mirrors, better storage in the doors, SOS button and LED lights in the back.

“I’m not going to say too much but it’s harder for thieves to penetrate the rear doors.

“Merc has done its research. I’m impressed. This will be one of the hardest vans to get in to.

“I was expecting gadgets – that’s Mercedes for you – but I thought I’d jump in and everything else would be pretty much the same. But it isn’t. It’s easier to use, lighter to drive and massively more comfortable.

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“It makes life less stressful and more relaxed.”

FACT: Every Merc van has free Mobilo roadside assistance for up to 30 years, as long as it’s serviced by a Merc dealer. It doesn’t need a full service history.

Prices from £7,000 plus VAT for an approved used Citan.

Vans: by the numbers

4.3M: Vans in Britain

37%: Under five years old compared to 5% of cars

10,483: Number of Olympic pools could be filled by the stuff in UK’s vans

Hyundai's gamechangers

THIS time last year, fast car mags had no business at a Hyundai launch.

Fun? No mate. Not here. Try next door.

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Hyundais were as exciting as a lawnmower.

But now the game has changed.

Hyundai rounded up the top ride and handling gods from BMW’s M division, AMG and Bentley and set up its own performance arm called N.

The first car, the i30N, was brilliant straight out of the box. Better than a Golf GTI for my money. I liked it a lot.

It has just smashed its first-year sales target in six months.

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The camouflaged prototype you see here is the i30N Fastback. Same hardware as the 275hp i30N but transplanted into a four-door coupe.

Note: It’s a little lighter, looks more sophisticated and has even more front-end grip. To be unveiled at the Paris Motor Show in October. Out January.

Hyundai has also launched the i30 N Line – same sporty looks as the N cars but with less go.

Next up, we’ll see a full-fat i20N to take on the Fiesta ST, Tucson N performance SUV and maybe even an all-electric Kona N.

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Bosses also want a standalone halo N car, like the Nissan GT-R.

Then the fast car mags will be camped on Hyundai’s lawn.

The Sun Motor Awards 2018

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Help us choose Britain’s best cars and you could win a holiday for two to Dubai.

The nominations for SUV/Crossover of the Year are:

1 - Volvo XC40

2 - Mazda CX-5

3 - Seat Arona

4 - Peugeot 5008

5 - Range Rover Velar

6 - Skoda Kodiaq

Vote for your favourite at mcb777.fun/motorawards and you’ll be automatically entered into our free prize draw. Do it now, my friend. NOW.

You must be California dreaming, mate

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This is what happens if you leave a VW California in a big puddle overnight.

It swells into an XXL-sized Cali with a bathroom, kitchenette, double bed, bunk beds for the kids and integrated satellite dish.

Based on the Crafter van, it will cost around £75,000.

Yes, I hear you. California dreamin’ . . .

Here Carm the girls...

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Coming soon. The W Series. A women-only motor racing championship with paid drivers in identical cars at selected F1 and WEC rounds.

If Carmen Jorda isn’t in it, she damn well should be.

Sounds good to me

This is historic work. Really, it is. Bond stuntman Mark Higgins ragged a Lexus LC 500 around a multi-storey car park – just to record the sound of that V8. Click play above to hear the outcome.

You catching my drift?

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Red Bull Drift Shifters – The Strand, Liverpool, Sunday.

It’s going to be loud and smokey and awesome.

Tickets £37.80. Go to .

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Trophy trucks

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My dream garage gets bigger every week. Now I need to find room for this Ford Ranger Raptor.

Trophy truck attitude, flared arches, long travel suspension, wide F O R D lettering on the front grille and a 210hp/500Nm, 2-litre twin turbo diesel with ten-speed auto.

Out next June, priced around £40,000. The queue starts here.

• FIA World Endurance Championship – Silverstone, Sunday. Six-hour race starring Fernando Alonso and Jenson Button. TIckets £45, under-16s free.
• Dutch gamer Rudy van Buren beat 30,000 entrants to land a job as a McLaren F1 simulator driver. His story is on ESPN on August 25.