The I-Pace is definitely a Jag, but it calls for a different style of driving

I OFTEN see my boy punch the air as he beats his own score on the PlayStation.

I have to bottle it but the competitive Dad in me wants to say, “Sorry son, who have you just beaten exactly?”

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Even if he doesn’t win, his name is still top of the leaderboard. He is guaranteed not to fail.

A bit like Jaguar next year, then.

Why so? Because all the cars in the 2019 Formula E support series will be Jags so, er, Jag will win every race.

We might as well give them the manufacturers’ trophy now.

That’s not to say the Jaguar I-Pace eTrophy won’t be exciting, far from it, it’s going to be hilarious.

It’s going to be a demolition derby with 20 identical electric cars fighting for the same bit of tarmac on narrow street circuits.

It’ll be more entertaining than the main event.

So what’s an eTrophy race car like to drive? In a word, weird.

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Like someone has pressed the mute button.

There’s no revving engine to tighten the old trouser department on start-up and it wasn’t very quick exiting the pit lane at Silverstone either.

It has the same acceleration as the I-Pace road car, but that feels laboured on a race track with nothing else around you — and there’s not a lot to do. Electric cars don’t have gearshifts.

But then you approach the first corner and suddenly it’s a test of nerve. You start to feel the speed and drama of a race car.

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The AP racing brakes are terrific — aided by regenerative braking on later laps as the battery gets depleted — and the steering is light and quick.

Get the corner-entry right and you are rewarded with good exit speed. Good human. But get it wrong and it’s all heavy and understeery and scrubs off too much speed. Bad human.

Momentum is everything in a car weighing almost two tons.

There are controls on the steering wheel to adjust the ABS and torque-split from 50:50 to 48:52 front-to-rear, but nothing that will give you extra performance over everyone else.

That’s why I reckon the crash repair bills will be huge.

Talking of money, even electric car racing isn’t cheap. The eTrophy entry fee is £450,000, plus another £200,000 to buy the car or £95,000 a year to lease it.

Jag is sorting all the logistics, support team and hospitality for the 10-round series, so the racers “arrive and drive”.

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Oh no, not a grid packed with rich playboys?

Actually, no. Many are pro drivers looking to graduate to the paid ranks of Formula E.

Brit racer Katherine Legge was among the first to sign up.

She’s just finished second in the IMSA American sports car series in a Honda NSX.

The I-Pace eTrophy starts in Saudi Arabia in December and ends in New York next July.

Jag has already booked the victory party.

Car you didn’t know you wanted

LET’S think about winning the Lottery tomorrow. What car would you get?

You’d probably go Bentley, Porsche, Aston Martin or Range Rover Sport, right? Plus many more before you’d get to the BMW 8 Series.

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Which is a shame because the new 8 is a brilliant left-field connoisseur’s car - but it’s never going to be a dream car.

It doesn’t scream ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS like the others do or have the show of, say, an i8.

Look closely at the M850i, however, and it is clear that BMW has thrown absolutely everything at its new sports coupe.

And a little bit more. Stonking 4.4-litre V8. Tick. Four-wheel drive that favours rear-drive where possible. Tick.

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Four-wheel steering. Tick. Adaptive suspension. Tick. Rear diff lock. Tick.

All of which combine to mince an Aston Martin DB11 (both V8 and V12) in a drag race. Body control is excellent. The exhaust note will give you goosebumps. And all the while you’re sat there warming your elbows on the heated armrests. You big softie.

There’s a full-fat M8 still to come, of course, as well as a convertible (I’ve seen it, it’s class) and a four-door Gran Coupe.

Interior. The craftsmanship and fine details are superb, topped by a crystal-like gearknob.

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The driver has more tech than Darth Vader’s TIE Fighter: digital dials, heads-up display, touchscreen, wireless phone charging and all sorts of driver assistance.

I must admit I’d dismissed the “reversing assistant” as a gimmick until I tried it. It’s brilliant. It steers the vehicle when reversing for up to 50 metres – no matter how long you’ve left it.

Need to reverse up a narrow street because there’s a lorry coming the other way? No problem... I tested it by zig-zagging through parked cars – with my hands sticking out of the window.

Other observations. The old 8 Series (that bad-ass 1990s classic) had pop-up headlights.

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The new 8 has the slimmest LED lights on any BMW ever.

BMW is also launching an 840d. Yep, a 3-litre straight-six diesel.

It’s no slouch (0-62 in 4.9) and almost doubles economy to 46mpg, but with all the political nonsense about diesel, who’s going to buy that?

No one, sadly.

Dolph’s back in big demand

MOST of you will remember Jean-Claude Van Damme doing the splits between two moving trucks for a Volvo ad.

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The amazing stunt has clocked up 89 million views on YouTube.

Now Volvo is using the same formula – ie, a heavily-accented martial arts expert with questionable acting ability – to promote diggers.

This time Dolph Lundgren puts excavators through a boot camp.

He makes them do PULL-UPS on a steel girder, flip giant tyres and drag a huge concrete block across a desert with him stood on top.

The Rocky IV and Creed II star said: “Honestly, I didn’t think it was even possible. It was fascinating to watch these excavators perform physical exercises – with absolutely no movie stunts.”

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It’ll never top Van Damme’s ‘Epic Split’, but it’s worth two minutes of your time.

Top Gear Top Trumps

THERE’S no denying new Top Gear hosts Freddie Flintoff and Paddy McGuinness love their cars – just look at all the hot metal they’ve owned over the years.

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Shrewd move by the BBC. We’ll see them on screen with Chris Harris this time next year.

Freddie’s car CV

1. Rover Coupe

2. Rover Cabriolet

3. Rover 620ti

4. Peugeot 405

5. Porsche Boxster

6. BMW M5 manual

7. BMW 320 cabriolet

8. BMW X5

9. Range Rover

10. Jaguar XKR

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11. VW Touareg

12. VW Golf GTI

13. VW Golf R32

14. Ford F-150

15. Audi Q7

16. Audi A8

17. Ford Mustang Shelby GT500

18. Bentley GT Supersports

19. Bentley GT Speed Convertible

20. Mercedes ML

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21. Mercedes GLS

22. Ferrari 612

23. Ferrari FF

24. Lamborghini Murcielago

25. Lamborghini Murcielago roadster

Paddy’s car CV

1. Ford Mk2 Escort

2. Austin Montego

3. Ford Sierra

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4. Ford Escort XR3i

5. Ford Orion Ghia

6. Alfa Romeo 159

7. Subaru Impreza WRX STI

8. Range Rover Sport

9. Aston Martin Vantage

10. Audi Q7

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11. Bentley GT

12.Range Rover

13. Land Rover Discovery

14. BMW 1M

15. Ferrari California

Paddy's XR3i was used for a scene in Phoenix Nights.

He said: “I got talking to one of the blokes off production and he told me there was good money in hiring a vehicle out to TV shows.

"The next thing you know my XR3i was driving on to the Phoenix Club car park with Tarzan Boy blaring out of the speakers. The fee for the car hire was more than my day rate for filming.”

Start your own traffic Jam

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JAMIROQUAI singer Jay Kay is selling seven motors at auction next month – a McLaren 675LT, BMW 850 CSI, Porsche 911 Targa 4S, BMW M3, Ford Mustang 390GT, Mercedes 300SL... and a Volvo 850R estate.

That little lot should trouser the star around £650,000 for something else, no doubt.

Win

LEWIS only needs to finish seventh or higher in Mexico on Sunday to win a fifth F1 title.

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You only need to keep reading this column and you could be celebrating too.

For your chance to win this £95 Hamilton v Vettel slot racing set from Carrera, simply follow me on Instagram @robgilluk by 9pm on Sunday.

Winner chosen at random. Good luck.

Another prize next week.

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