I’m marrying my cousin who’s 20 years older than me, I used to cry after sex with him but now we’re planning a family
A WOMAN who’s spoken out about falling in love with her first cousin, who is nearly twice her age, says she plans to marry him and have his babies.
Monica VanHoek, 35, she confided in Paul Derschan, 55, a construction company manager, when she looked for family support and comfort after a failed marriage — and the couple fell in love.
"In the beginning it was extremely difficult to be sexual with him - I felt very guilty and would even cry afterwards because of how bad I felt, and Paul would also,” Van Hoek said.
"Our relationship was so natural because we had already a close bond being family - in fact, sexual intimacy was the only part that felt forced.”
"After roughly six months we were able to have a healthy sexual relationship without it feeling incestual or wrong."
The couple's family also had difficulty accepting the relationship, even though it’s not against the law — and VanHoek said a few family members even “disowned” her because of the couple’s decision to be together.
"Even though it is legal for us to be together, my family members still thought it was wrong and judged us for it," she said.
The couple revealed they were together on social media before telling anyone in person, so they could know “who was on our side and who wasn't,” VanHoek said.
"Luckily some family members have stuck by me and are just happy that I have found someone who I truly love and treats me well.”
The couple tried to deny their feelings, but Van Hoek said eventually, she realized she “had feelings for Paul that weren't like my other family members.”
Two years later, the couple said they became engaged last May, and are now going to be married in August.
They plan to have a child together — although said it may be a bit of a challenge.
"Due to Paul being older than me, and my own fertility issues, we are going to start IVF treatment in the spring," VanHoek said.
"But despite these issues, we will make sure that the child is 100% mine and Paul's, not using donated eggs or sperm, as we would love a child of our own."
VanHoek said that the the couple’s unique relationship as family members has made their relationship strong.
"I believe that being cousins has helped us have the most successful, healthy and happy relationship we could possibly have,” she said.
"Our bond is even stronger than average couples because we love each other as family and as spouses - it's like two different forms of love rolled into one, and that's a very binding feeling.
"Also being related we have nearly identical personalities, which makes getting along a breeze.
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