I was left traumatised after sex abuse from age of 7 – now I help others deal with predators still haunting them

(NAPAC) which helps adults come to terms with their awful experiences.

She is sharing her story as part of our It Still Matters series, which shines a light on victims of sexual abuse and raises awareness of the different types of support available, regardless of when the crimes took place. 

‘I was a traumatised teen’

“It was gradual,” she says of the grooming she experienced. “It was a little bit worse day by day because groomers incrementally manipulate things for their own ends.

“As a child, you’re aware that this is not okay. It’s not normal. It’s not comfortable. But for me, there was no clear point where I could say ‘I need to tell an adult now.’ That’s how frightening and isolating it is,” she adds.

The assaults escalated and Kim was raped by the time she was nine. “It ended when I was 14, with his death, but I’d kept a diary and the police got involved. I was a very traumatised teenager, but I had a good experience of working with the police. They took my statements in a sensitive way and helped me get my first round of counselling.”

Figures show there are 8.5 million adults in England and Wales who have experienced abuse in childhood.

NAPAC hears from people who cannot keep what happened to them a secret for a minute longer. 

They also hear from family members or friends who are horrified to hear what happened to their loved ones, want to know how best to support them and even need emotional support themselves.

“There are a lot of people who want advice about what to say to a person who is telling them this for the first time and are worried about what their first words should be,” she adds.

‘People want to tell someone before they die’

For victims, the biggest source of support is being believed. “To have recognition of your experience, even if it wasn’t recent, that’s a very profound thing for victims. From there, there’s more clarity about what you want, what your aspirations for the future are,” says Kim.

“Sometimes you just need someone to sit with you, to be compassionate and ask how you are feeling. That’s so, so important. Many people making a first disclosure are considering their options. 

“They might want to disclose it to their family, and we help provide a really good place for them to explore their options and tell them what the various steps are. They get to stay completely in control.’

Kim says the people who get in touch with NAPAC are all ages and come from all walks of life and the 41-year-old says it is humbling to know that people trust them with their stories.

“We hear from older men and women and younger men and women, from trans and non-binary people. We hear from people in their 80s or 90s who are at the end of their lives and they don’t want to die without having told someone.

“We hear from people who have just left home and want to unburden themselves so they can start an independent, adult life without having to carry all that emotional baggage alone.”

‘Healing is hard’

Kim – a disclosed survivor which means that she is happy for her identity to be known – found NAPAC a decade ago when she sought advice from the organisation’s website which has a vast amount of information for sexual survivors to use.

Although Kim had counselling as a teenager, when she moved to another part of the country and started living on her own, other issues came up and she sought support again.

“The name is very deliberate – that it’s for people abused in childhood – so it’s easy to find online,” she explains of NAPAC. “That’s how I found it when I was looking for support.

“They helped me find the language to have those conversations with my friends and my peers.

“The work to heal is really valuable but it’s hard and I would keep going back till I found what was right for me. It’s something I tell people all the time – you’re worth making an effort for.”

Kim is now fundraising manager, helping to make sure that this valuable organisation, specially for adult survivors, has all the resources it needs.

‘Compassion can be hardest lesson of all’

She says she does not find it difficult to be surrounded by stories of sexual abuse all day because she knows NAPAC is helping people.

“Before I came here, I was always worried about burdening someone with my story and, of course, it’s quite the opposite. We want to help and we’re ready to listen. Yes, it’s difficult and upsetting work but it’s actually quite powerful to have so many people trust us and to be able to help them.”

As well as a support telephone line, NAPAC also has brochures that victims and their families can read or download based on common questions or concerns that its counsellors have heard on the support line since it was established 22 years ago.

As a sexual abuse survivor, Kim says she always comes back to compassion being an important element of recovery.

“I found it hard to apply that to myself and that was perhaps the hardest lesson of all – to learn how to be compassionate to myself and I’m still working on that,” she admits.

“It’s got easier with time and with support but some days I still feel really sad and some days I still feel really angry. And that’s OK.”

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