Meghan Markle breaks down in tears & says she told Harry she ‘didn’t want to be alive anymore’ and had suicidal thoughts

MEGHAN Markle broke down in tears as she revealed she told Prince Harry she "didn’t want to be alive anymore" and had suicidal thoughts in a shocking tell-all interview with Oprah Winfrey.

The Duchess of Sussex said she begged for help from the Firm after struggling with her mental health - saying it was her husband who "saved" her.

👑 Read our Meghan and Harry live blog for the latest news...

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But in an explosive interview with Oprah aired on CBS overnight, the 39-year-old said she had been told she would not be able to seek help as it "wouldn't be good for the institution."

Breaking down in tears, pregnant Meghan said: "I just didn't see a solution.

"I didn't want to be alive anymore."

And she said when she reached out for help with the Palace's Human Resources team, she was told because she was not a paid employee, she could not be supported.

It comes as...

• Meghan claimed Kate made HER cry in row over flower girl dress
• Harry and Meghan married three days before their wedding at Windsor Castle
• Meghan said Archie wasn't made a prince after talks about his skin colour
• Pregnant Meghan revealed she is expecting a GIRL
• The 39-year-old told Oprah the Queen was 'always wonderful to me'
• Prince Harry said his brother is 'trapped' in the Royal Family
• A body language expert revealed Harry 'suppressed anger' when talking about being hurt by his family
• Meghan was apparently left gutted when the Queen would not let her and Harry live in a wing at Windsor Castle
• Archie's favourite word is 'hydrate' the proud parents revealed

One night, while suffering suicidal thoughts, Meghan claimed that she forced herself to go to an event with Harry, 36, – because she felt she couldn’t be left alone, for fear of what she might do.

And she said while the lights were down during the Cirque du Soleil premiere at the Royal Albert Hall in January 2019, she was "weeping" while clutching Harry's hand until his knuckles were white.

The Duchess of Sussex, who was six months pregnant at the time, said she would cry while the lights were down in the royal box before she would compose herself for the cameras and smile during the intervals.

Meghan revealed: “I was ashamed to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry because of how much loss he suffered.

“But I knew that if I didn’t say it I would do it - because I just didn’t want to be alive anymore.

“I didn’t want to be alive anymore. That was a very clear and real and frightening, constant thought.

"And I remember, I remember how he just cradled me."

She later said Harry, 36, "saved" her by ultimately quitting the Royal Family.

In the candid chat, Meghan said: "I think he saved all of us.

"He ultimately called it - we've got to find a way for us, for Archie and you made a decision that certainly saved my life and saved all of us.

"You need to want to be saved."

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And Harry admitted he would not have quit the Firm without Meghan's help saying: "I wouldn't have been able to because I myself was trapped as well."

Harry added: "I didn't see a way out. I was trapped within the system, just like the rest of my family are.

"My father and my brother - they are trapped. They don't get to leave and I have huge compassion for that."

And he said he believed his mother Princess Diana would have been "angry" with how the situation panned out.

He said: "Ultimately, all she would ever want is for us to be happy."

He said his family was now surviving on money that had been left by his mother, saying she might have "seen it coming".

And Harry later added he also went to a "dark place" - revealing he would return home to Meghan crying as she breastfed Archie at their home.

Meghan also said she remembered one conversation about the pressures she was under with someone in the institution who told her "yes it's terrible" - but that nothing had been done.

And she revealed that it was in fact one of Princess Diana's friends that she reached out to, adding: "who else could understand what it's actually like on the inside."

MEG BOMBSHELL

It comes after Meghan revealed there were "concerns and conversations" about "how dark" her son Archie's skin would be when he was born.

The Duchess of Sussex said there had been conversations with herself and Prince Harry about their unborn son and what colour his skin would be - and "what that would mean or look like".

A stunned Winfrey asked "who is having that conversation?"

Meghan replied she would not reveal the identity, saying: "I think that would be very damaging to them".

And the couple said they had been concerned their son would not receive security or protection as he had not been given a prince title.

Meghan explained said: "All the grandeur around this stuff is not really important to me.

"But in those months when I was pregnant, all around the same time: we have in tandem he won’t be given security, a title and also concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born."

Asked whether there were concerns that her child would be “too brown” and that would be a problem, Meghan said: “If that is the assumption you are making, that is a pretty safe one.”

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Oprah had introduced the interview by confirming that "no subject is off limits" and that Meghan had not been paid for the chat.

As the interview began, Meghan said she grew up not knowing much about the Royal Family, adding: "I will say I went into it naively."

And while Prince Harry said he had no regrets, Meghan said she had one - that she had trusted that the Firm would protect her.

She explained: "I regret believing that."

Harry further revealed he had been cut off by the Royal Family financially last year - and that for a time, his dad Prince Charles stopped taking his calls.

He said he had been "really let down", adding: "Of course I will always love him but there's a lot of hurt that's happened and I will continue to make it one of my priorities to try and heal that."

Other bombshells revealed by the couple in the two-hour special on CBS included confirmation of a falling out between Meghan and Kate Middleton.

Meghan claimed she had been the one left in tears after a confrontation over the bridesmaid's dresses with the Duchess of Cambridge.

Speaking with Oprah, she said: "I don't think it's fair to her to get into the details of that because she apologised and I've forgiven her.

"What was hard to get over was being blamed for something not only I did not do, but that happened to me."

And she said the wife of Prince William gave her flowers to apologise, adding "she's a good person".

Reports at the time had suggested Kate Middleton had been reduced to tears after a confrontation between the pair during preparations for the wedding.

But the couple said they were now "thriving" - and revealed they were expecting a little girl in the summer.

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Insiders fear she and Prince Harry could have burnt their bridges by failing to tell family members what was in the two-hour chat before it was shown in the US at 1am today.

Sources say royals including the Queen were not planning to watch the interview, to be shown here on ITV at 9pm.

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