Tyrant Kim Jong-un unleashes his inner Del Boy by flogging spring water claiming to prevent cancer

KIM Jong-un has turned Del Boy by claiming water cures cancer and helps workers toil until they are 90.

Spring water which gushes from a mountain close to the North Korean capital Pyongyang is said to have energy-giving properties.

It is now being bottled and sold to Kim’s 27 million subjects to prevent cancer and ageing.

The move resembles the 1992 classic Only Fools and Horses Christmas special when Del sells tap water as Peckham Spring.

A gushing report on the qualities of the dictator’s life-saving liquid released by the regime revealed: “Native villagers call it a “clear water” that gives mysterious energy. Many people over 90 are still healthy and working on the field.

“Researchers recently found out the water consists of smaller molecules.

“There are nano-tracks in human’s cell membrane and only smaller molecule water can pass it. Such water is absorbed rapidly into human body to promote metabolism of cells and works as antioxidant to prevent the accumulation of peroxides, retard aging and prevent cancer.”

The water - likened to France’s famous Evian by North Korea - is bottled in a factory at the foot of Mt Koryong.

The report added: “Geologists and management officials of the spring water factory have not yet measured the exact volume of water. However, much they pump the water, it never diminishes.”

Kim’s scientists also claim to have more than 50 other anti-cancer treatments made from locally found plants like milkweed.

A newspaper in the hermit state revealed: “The Korea Oriental Medicine Development Centre has developed over 50 anti-cancer medicines that help accelerate immunity function and promote health.

“They are all made from extracts of medicinal materials and do neither addict their users nor produce side effects even if they are used for a long time.”

Boffins even claim to have developed an ointment from plants that dissolves tumours.

North Korean scientist Ryu Il Nam promised his people: “Cancer is not an incurable disease. We’ll continue to develop efficient anti-cancer drugs to protect human lives.”