Jack ‘The Jumper’ Nicholson’s warning for Leo DiCaprio: Pick one woman or end up alone

ONE glance at Leonardo DiCaprio’s holiday snaps and your average man might quip, “Where did it all go wrong, mate?”

These days, when he’s not wrestling with a fake bear in pursuit of Oscar glory, Hollywood’s most successful Lothario is getting to grips with A.N. Other model whose name usually escapes us (and probably him too) but who invariably ticks all his preferred boxes: Blonde, slim and gorgeous.

Sometimes, there are several gathered around him all at once — potential Stepford-girlfriends-in-waiting, perhaps?

Quite why his fleeting amours wish to be the latest, soon-forgotten, notch on playboy Leo’s bedpost is anyone’s guess.

But, for him, the attraction is obvious.

A series of beautiful, interchangeable young women means he is endlessly enjoying the “honeymoon period” (minus the marriage bit) when everyone is presenting the best side of themselves and the peccadillos haven’t yet started to grate.

But the moment this year’s model suggests he should meet her parents or, God forbid, displays irritation that, say, his entourage of buddies are tagging along yet again, one suspects that the dialogue goes something like this. . .

“Honey, it’s been a great couple of months, but I’m about to start shooting Scorsese’s new movie about a misunderstood eco-warrior and I just won’t be able to give you the time and attention you deserve . . . see ya.”

His relationships haven’t always been so blink-and-you-miss-’em.

In his early twenties, he was with supermodel Gisele Bundchen for six years followed by, er, supermodel Bar Refaeli for five.

Both women have gone on to marry and have children but, oddly for such an outstandingly mature actor, Leo appears trapped in a permanent state of emotional adolescence — the timescale of each relationship getting shorter, the girlfriends seemingly getting younger.

Hell, even his long-time best buddy Tobey Maguire is now married with two kids.

So now Leo is fast approaching 42, the eternal international playboy schtick is surely starting to feel a little hollow.

Perhaps he should take heed of remarks made recently by Hollywood’s former Lothario-in-chief Jack Nicholson who, unsurprisingly, is one of Leo’s heroes.

Now 79 and living alone, he lamented recently that he would like one last romance but: “No woman has ever recognised what I say as being legitimate. They don’t trust me.

“They think of my reputation, Jack the Jumper, so I’m damned by what women think.”

Indeed, but at least he has had children along the way who remain close to him and extol his virtues as a father.

So far, Leo remains childless, perhaps admirably so given the absence of a committed relationship.

Maybe his plan has always been to play the field for a while before settling down to something more meaningful in later life.

If so, the transition must surely come soon if he’s not to suffer the same romantic fate as “Jack the Jumper” and face an old age devoid of a genuine soulmate.

– PRINCE William says his son George was “far too spoiled” on his third birthday.

As opposed to the rest of the year when he’s living hand to mouth, poor love.

But I digress. Animal lovers have been getting themselves in a tizzy about the toddler offering his dog a lick of ice cream but they shouldn’t fret too much.

After all, it was a mere brush of the tongue, not a family-sized tub of rum and raisin.

And besides, over the years our Tibetan Terrier Jasper has eaten at least 30 unattended sausage rolls during the picnic season, about 15 ice creams snatched from the grasp of a toddler, around ten chocolatey fingers (biscuit variety, not human), six skirting boards, three dog beds, one trampoline and a partridge in a pear tree.

OK, I made the last one up but my point is that he has lived to wag his tail.

So calm down, dears.

– THIS year’s Miss England competition had a new “eco” round in which contestants designed their own outfit from recycled clothes or objects.

One styled herself as a suffragette with a sash bearing the words “votes for women”.

Oh puh-lease. Hardly a giant leap for womankind, is it?

It all seems a rather exhausting, not to mention patronising, way to dress up what’s essentially still an old-fashioned beauty contest.

– SOURCES close to our newly appointed Lord Chancellor Liz Truss have hit back at the “sexist” suggestion by some “dusty old relics” that she shouldn’t have got the job.

Hmmm. The criticism seemed to be aimed at her non-legal background, not her gender.

Upsetting and damaging sexism still exists in all too many workplaces.

But misusing it as a smokescreen to try to quash valid observation does no one any favours.

– IN an interview to promote her Spanish cookbook Nick Clegg’s wife Miriam Gonzalez Durantez is pictured under the headline: “My recipe for revenge? Feed the Tories red hot peppers and watch them splutter.”

Presumably, there aren’t enough padron peppers in the world to feed to the real architects of her husband’s demise – the millions of faithful Lib Dems who felt let down by lightweight Cleggy and voted him and his party into oblivion.