Max Mosley’s filthy rich army is winning its war on the press
THERE’S a new sheriff in town – so I suppose we ‘orrible villains had better watch out.
It’s a press regulator. In other words, it will decide what you can and can’t read in your daily newspaper.
And it’s been given backing by the Government’s Press Recognition Panel (nope, me neither).
The new organisation has got a modern name — “Impress”. Geddit? But where’s it come from and what is it up to?
It’s been funded by a bloke called Max Mosley. He’s bunged more than three million quid into the enterprise.
You might have heard of Max. He’s the former boss of Formula One’s governing body and a very rich man.
He’s also the son of Britain’s most famous, repulsive, fascist nutjob, Sir Oswald Mosley.
I’m sure Max doesn’t share his dad’s pro-Nazi leanings.
Although his dad is probably not the reason you might have heard of him.
He was caught having sex with five prostitutes while he, or the whores, were dressed in military-style outfits, allegedly.
Max claimed he was horribly hurt by the News of the World’s revelations.
Anyway, he won a case against the newspaper for “invading his privacy”.
The judges — no friends of the press — decided that even someone who is known in public can have a bit of paid hanky panky every so often — and you have no right to know about it.
I think you do have a right to know. But whatever. Since then Max has loathed the press and seemingly wants it clobbered.
There is a legion of the rich and powerful who simply do not want you to know what they get up to.
Like the coke-addled, perpetually shagging actors who make their money because they are popular with the public.
Until the public finds out how they live their lives.
A fear about annoying celebrities is one of the reasons Jimmy Savile got away with it for so long.
People were scared to investigate.
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My view is that if people are public figures who depend upon our affection for their incomes, then we have a right to know if they enjoy dressing up as Pol Pot while rogering a goat.
But the bad news is the slebs are winning.
Even without Impress, the rich and powerful can apply to our courts for injunctions or super-injunctions.
To stop the press telling you the truth.
Britain is also the world centre for libel. This is a country where the wealthy can stop you knowing stuff, simply because they are wealthy.
And now they want to clamp down still further about what we can tell you.
Mr Mosley is the biggest donor to Impress, by a mile, so you can judge for yourself what sort of organisation it will be.
But the Hacked Off slebs will not stop until the press is well and truly muzzled.
I'm in awe o'Ora
I WAS quite inspired by Rita Ora’s calendar for 2017 in yesterday’s Sun.
So much so, I kept going back to look at it, when the missus wasn’t watching.
As Rita’s given so much pleasure to so many people, I decided I ought to do my bit.
I will be releasing my own calendar for next year.
It will feature me in a number of beguiling poses.
Dressed in a feather boa and fondling my moobs, for example.
And straddling a python while sucking a lollipop in a provocative manner.
I’ll let you know when and where you can buy it soon.
No animals were hurt in the production of my calendar, except for the python, which is now sadly dead.
TOO FAR-AGE?
THE BBC is making a satirical “mock-umentary” about ex-Ukip leader Nigel Farage.
Yeah, of COURSE it is.
They think he’s a joke – a racist joke – and they can’t believe that all those gumbies voted for him, or quite like him.
Those gumbies are their viewers, but they despise them all.
Do you think the BBC’s show will be fair to Farage?
Here’s what Kevin Bishop, the bloke playing the lead role, had to say: “When I was first asked to play Farage, I hated him so much. I just thought, ‘He’s a racist’ and there’s nothing charming about this guy whatsoever . . .”
Yep, same view as the scriptwriters, the producers and the BBC execs.
Bishop added that at least Farage “genuinely believed” in what he was doing (even if he was evil).
Not only that, Bishop, but he got it done, too – didn’t he?
Now how about satirising Corbyn? Don’t hold your breath.
Tom's a bit lost in space
TOM CRUISE has been telling anybody who will listen that Scientology is a “beautiful religion”.
The actor said that he wouldn’t be where he is today without the support of the bullying, controversial cult.
Okey-dokey, Tom. If you want to believe in Scientology that’s up to you.
If you want to believe that 75million years ago, the dictator of the Galactic Confederacy, a man called Xemu, brought billions of creatures to earth.
And then stacked them by volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs.
Fine, you believe that if you want, you dingbat.
Luvvies – what would we laugh at without them?
[boxout featured-image="2058068"]I DON’T usually have a lot of time for screeching eco-warriors. They smell even worse than they look.
But I’m kinda with them on the plans to enlarge Heathrow Airport.
If London MUST have another runway, then it should be in London itself – preferably Islington or Notting Hill.
Heathrow, I accept, is fairly close to London. And so preferable to paving over vast areas of Sussex or Kent.
But it will never get built – there will be too many legal objections.
And the Greens have a point – we should be flying less.
It’s a polluting, anti-social form of travel.[/boxout]
Tee-hee to un-PC JCC
BRILLIANT night out last week watching my old mucker John Cooper Clarke doing one of his manically hilarious performances.
In among the wonderful machine gun rattle of his poetry he told some good jokes, too.
If not always PC jokes. “My parents were unorthodox Jews . . . they were Nazis,” was one of the first.
And then this: “Bloke goes to the doctor for a medical procedure and the doctor says, ‘Listen, you’ve got to stop masturbating’. Bloke says why? And the doctor says, ‘Because I’m trying to examine you’.”
He had the audience howling.
We once won Pointless together, me and JCC.
It’s the only thing I’ve ever done that made my kids proud.
DONKEY TAIL IS AN ASS
AN Australian teenager is suing a bunch of newspapers because they took the mick out of his haircut.
Ali Mosslmani, above, has got a – hold your breath – mullet.
But it makes Peter Stringfellow’s old mullet look sensible.
Ali’s head is totally shaved at the front.
He looks as if he’s been scalped, but the injuns missed the bit at the back.
The photograph of him went viral. He was compared to a “pin the tail on the donkey” game.
Ali claims he was described as being hideously ugly and has hired a lawyer.
No, Ali, what you need is a hairdresser.
You make yourself look daft, expect people to laugh.
— ON Sunday we will be plunged into the eternal gloom of winter.
The clocks go back an hour late on Saturday night.
We’re back on Greenwich Mean Time — which means the afternoons will be increasingly dark and miserable. Isn’t it time we scrapped this arrangement?
The reason we do it is first to have lighter mornings.
But who wants lighter mornings? And the second is to keep the Scots happy.
Well, OK, I’d do a lot of things to keep the Scots happy.
I’d tickle a sporran or two, buy them some pies etc.
But not at the expense of losing our afternoons of light.
We should stick to British Summer Time. And pretend it’s still summer.
