‘Children of Calais’ social media quip may be funny…but the reality of the Afghan ‘kid’ refugee aged 22 really isn’t
FOR a week or more this very funny take on the “Children of Calais” has been washing around social media.
I didn’t realise how close it was to the truth until the that one of the first Jungle refugees to be given sanctuary here is not 16 as he claimed but around 22.
The “war refugee” is Haris Stanikzai who three years ago enrolled at Jahan private university in Kabul to study economics and accountancy.
He was allowed here because his uncle lives in South London.
He disappeared from the university in the middle of last year and ended up in Calais.
When Stanikzai and his uncle were reunited there was tremendous media coverage, not least because he claimed his two younger brothers and sisters had been killed in fighting with the Taliban.
A sad story, but is it true? Stanikzai does not possess either a birth certificate or passport but his internet dating profile describes him as a 22-year-old.
At least four other migrants who recently arrived in the UK claiming to be unaccompanied minors are believed to be over 18.
There’s loads of stuff that doesn’t add up and Stanikzai didn’t help himself by changing his name on Facebook to Ahmad Khan as soon as The Sunday Times began investigating.
If it’s all kosher what has he to hide?
The French are anxious for us to take in 1,000 children. Those kids wouldn’t even be in France or attempted to get there if it wasn’t for the ludicrous policy of open, uncontrolled borders.
We are not an uncaring nation but we are not fools. The Stanikzais of this world make it more difficult to believe the genuine innocents.
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Pull the other one, Juppe!
French presidential favourite Alain Juppe says he will attract banks to Paris from London thanks to Brexit. He must be smoking something.
No employer with any brains would ever set up a business in France. And here’s why: Firms have to pay 19 euros a day to their employees if they don’t provide a free canteen. That’s why all the cafes are packed.Employers have to pay 50 per cent of travel costs to work.
You can hardly make anybody redundant without paying a year’s money.
In many industries employees are paid 13 monthly pay cheques for a 12-month year. True.
You are not legally meant to call or email an employee after 6pm.
There’s loads more which would appeal to the Corbynistas and result in a stagnant economy.
The result: We have 4.9 per cent unemployment and the French twice as many at 9.9 per cent.
Candice kept lips sealed
I do so admire Candice Brown. Not for her baking skills which are fantastic, not for her use of lipstick (if I were Rimmel’s CEO I would pay her £500K to be their new lips for Christmas) but for her ability to keep a secret.
She had known for FOUR MONTHS that she had won the Great British Bake Off yet never said a word.
Candice hadn’t even revealed to the school where she taught that she was taking part in the show, which is shot at weekends.
She won it on the Sunday afternoon and after a celebration with family was up at 6am the next day for school. Not a word passed her lips.
So I’m in a similar position. For reasons that are still not clear to me I went to see Agatha Christie’s play The Mousetrap which has been running for 60 years in London’s West End and the provinces.
I had avoided it for decades. Why did I have to break now? At the end of the play and after the actors had taken a bow, the “murderer” steps forward and asks the audience never to reveal to their friends who did it.
Apparently it’s part of the folklore and PR of the play. Thank God something is. After the second act I was hoping the whole cast would be wiped out so I could go home early.
It was bum-numbingly awful.
In order that you never feel tempted to pay the £33 I coughed up at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford, Surrey, I have decided to reveal the killer’s identity and blow a huge hole in the bank balance of the Agatha Christie Literary Foundation.*
Are you ready? Steel yourself. It’s . . .
Sorry I can’t do it. Just promise me you won’t go and see it.
* What does happen to the money that Agatha Christie’s books and plays still make? Does it go to someone in her family or a firm? Be interested to know. Email [email protected].
Omran remembered
As of last night, 68 readers wanted to buy prints of Omran, the little Aleppo boy whose face so moved me that I commissioned the artist Jolyon Madden to capture that sense of bewilderment.
I will be in contact this week, seeking your addresses and asking for £35, once I have worked out which charity can get the money to Omran (and other children) most easily.
The White Helmets looks the most likely.
I’m warming to the advisers surrounding PM Theresa May.
Apparently while at the Home Office, her joint Chief of Staff Nick Timothy briefed against Nick Clegg, calling him a w*****. If I were Mr Clegg and had single-handedly destroyed the Lib Dems, I would take that as a compliment.
Well, it's about time
Although it sounds like a Life Of Brian sketch, the British Wheel of Yoga (no relation to the Yoga Alliance. Splitters) are planning to regulate yoga teaching and introduce national occupational standards.
About time too.
Everybody with a garage and a pair of leggings claims to be a yoga teacher.
I tried Pilates but thanks to using some contraptions out of Max Mosley’s basement my shoulder was pulled out and took six months (and plenty of expensive physio) to put right.
Eamonn Holmes, was another of my Pilates teacher’s clients.
I don’t know if it helped his issue with his hips – I did note he was tweeting from his hospital bed a lot recently – but I imagine most of what he paid went on having the floor reinforced for his lessons.
Ed, you could have saved us all
Ed Balls, who has achieved national treasure status thanks to his lack of ability, claims he’s feeling guilty by appearing on Strictly Come Dancing.
“The country’s got massive issues to face and I’m doing the cha-cha,” he says.
If he had really cared about the country he should have taken up the cha-cha back in 2007 and saved us all the financial pain he and his chum Gordon Brown wrought on us.
COLUMN readers Jeff and Christina Chamberlain from Elmswell, Bury St Edmunds, have pulled off a neat treble on my customer advocacy/price comparison site . They saved £414 by switching their energy to SSE, £300 by moving their car insurance (they have three cars) and £200 by ditching the AA for the RAC. Do send your saving stories to [email protected].
You have to see it to believe it
Not sure if you have time, but if you get the opportunity do go to Westonbirt Arboretum on the Gloucs/Wilts border before frost and rain destroy the stunning autumn colours of the acers.
I was there on Friday – they have to be seen to be believed.
Punnies
HERE are more of your brilliant punnies.
Teddy bear shop in Penge, South East London – Bearly Trading
Tanning shop in Newhey, Gtr Manchester – Tan-A-Reef
Chippie in Washington, Tyne & Wear – Cod Loves A Fryer
Effluent lorry in Southwell, Notts – The Last Link In The Food Chain. Hairdressers in Horsham, West Sussex – Love Is In The Hair
Wig shop in Stafford – Fresh Hair. Cleaners in Bromsgrove, Worcs – Dusty Springclean
Butchers in Newtownards, Co Down – Pleased To Meet U, Meats To Please U
Do keep them coming to [email protected].
Many thanks.