Refuges save families fleeing terror… so join heroic Danielle and help kids worried Santa won’t find them by donating to our Smiles at Christmas campaign
Women's aid charity helps to provide a safe haven for mums and kids fleeing violent homes
OUR Smiles At Christmas appeal urges readers to donate money and toys, which will be divided between four charities helping families – SCOTTY’S LITTLE SOLDIERS, CHILDREN WITH CANCER, WOMEN’S AID and the AMAR FOUNDATION.
Today, we focus on Women’s Aid.
For most of her childhood Danielle believed extreme violence and anger were as much a part of Christmas as turkey and mistletoe.
Over eight years her brutal father, Wayne Prior, repeatedly punched, kicked, verbally abused and bit her mum, Charlotte Kneer. He once attempted to suffocate her with a plastic bag.
Although Charlotte threw him out, Prior would force himself into the family home every Christmas morning, telling Danielle and her sister Daisy, 17: “I’m your dad, we’re family, I’m supposed to be here.”
Charlotte would be too terrified to send him away.
Danielle, 16, says: “I would be confused to see him but happy my dad was home. But by 11am the anger would brew and we’d be walking on eggshells around him.
“He’d start drinking before noon and that was when the day changed. If we made a noise, if things didn’t turn out exactly how he expected, he’d get angry.
“Mum protected us, she would send us up to bed if there was the slightest sign he was going to kick off. I grew up thinking that was normal.”
Even after he left, Prior, a carpenter, would terrify the girls and Charlotte’s son Jake, now 22.
Danielle recalls: “At my nan’s house, when I was nine, he had a shouting match with my nan. His girlfriend at the time locked herself in the bathroom, scared. I was in another room but could see everything through a glass door.
“He was screaming in her face. He rang my mum and said, ‘If you don’t f***ing take the girls home now I’m leaving them’. I got taken home in a police car that day.”
Charlotte says: “I escaped to a refuge with the kids on Danielle’s first birthday but I was so weak I came back. It took a final serious assault for me to act. He tried to strangle and stab me so I got a non-molestation order. He breached it straight away and was arrested.”
In 2011, at Lewes Crown Court, Prior admitted various crimes against the three women from 1993 to 2010, including seven counts of actual bodily harm. He was sentenced to seven years.
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Charlotte now runs a refuge in Surrey to help women and children escape brutal partners and rebuild their lives.
Danielle and Daisy volunteer there, adamant they will turn their horrifying experiences into something positive.
Only during Prior’s trial did Danielle realise that the brutality she saw was not her or her mum’s fault — or “normal”.
She is still receiving counselling and says: “I find relationships hard. But we are strong as a family.
“Daisy is studying psychology A-level, I think because she wants to understand what turned her dad into a monster.
“My brother is great at talking me through things when I feel upset because he’s older and saw even more.
“We cherish our mum. She is our goddess. She has been through so much but come out so strong.”
Charlotte says: “The women who come to the refuge are at the highest risk of murder. Why else would you leave everything behind? They can’t bring many possessions, as they can’t draw attention to the fact they are escaping.
“They will probably be leaving jobs, the children will definitely be leaving schools, friends, family, pets — kids find that really hard.”
The brutality doesn’t stop at Christmas, which is “often the busiest time for domestic violence services”.
Charlotte explains: “All the ingredients that make it magical for normal families are a complete nightmare for victims.
“He’s there, the kids are excited, there’s alcohol and high expectations of a perfect day. I was always on high alert.
“Some of the kids don’t know how to enjoy Christmas as it’s always been dangerous for them. Their dad has used toys as a weapon, breaking them if he’s angry or hiding them as a form of control.”
One such child was so emotionally broken when he arrived at the refuge his four-year-old face haunts Danielle.
She says: “He’d never been allowed to play so he didn’t know how. We set some toys down in front of him but his big eyes just looked up, confused.”
It turned out the boy, his mum and sister had been kept in one room and controlled by his dad. Danielle recalls: “Over the months he was here, our play therapist unlocked his fears using the toys in the playroom. When he left here months later he was a different child.
“That’s the amazing thing — children that arrive so terrified leaving happy.”
She adds: “Christmas here is so lovely. The kids get to choose a present from the donation box. It breaks my heart. Most didn’t get to play when they were younger, now they’ve got their own toys.”
Charlotte’s refuge has room for ten women and up to 22 children at any one time. It costs £250,000 a year to run.
Each woman shares one room with her children. There is a communal kitchen and bathrooms. Support services are provided by Women’s Aid, one of The Sun’s Smiles At Christmas charities.
Charlotte says: “We are always full. As soon as a room comes free we put it on the national refuge database. When a call comes from a woman we immediately establish if it’s safe to talk so we can figure out the best way to get her out.”
Charlotte works hard to win funding for play therapist Emma Armstrong.
She explains: “Not all refuges have play workers. When a family arrives, if the children are happy to go off with Emma she plays with them in our playroom so they don’t hear Mum tell her story.
“So often in domestic abuse households the child hears and sees everything, so the minute they walk through our door is the start of their recovery.
“Children are given new toys in their room. We provide new bedding and crockery. Mums are given food vouchers.
“When I stayed in a refuge I remember seeing a pile of second-hand bedding and thinking, ‘Oh my God, I haven’t even got the energy to make the bed’. All I wanted to do was have a cry in a bath but I couldn’t leave the children. I ended up going back to my partner.”
Danielle wants to work at the refuge full-time. Walking around the brightly painted house, it is easy to see why. The atmosphere is welcoming and children’s artwork adorns the walls.
Charlotte says: “Everything is aimed at making women feel they haven’t made a mistake, that they are safe and can make a fresh start.
“At Christmas we turn our big shed into a grotto, we raise money to buy amazing presents for the kids. We sing carols, Father Christmas gives out gifts. The kids find it magical. It’s all just a normal, lovely Christmas.
“The difference is the women and children can finally enjoy themselves because they are free.”
Children's wishes to Sun readers
Children housed by refuges arrive in fear of their lives, meaning their location and the identities of those using them are kept secret to stop them being tracked down.
However, at Christmas many of the youngsters worry Santa won’t find them.
Here, four kids from refuges across the country supported by Women’s Aid write to Sun readers with their Christmas wishes.
Give cash
Online:
Text: To give £2, text KIDS55 2 to 70070. You can change the amount to £3, £4, £5 or £10 by changing the last figure to 3, 4, 5 or 10.
Post: Send a cheque, made payable to JustGiving Foundation, to JustGiving The Sun Appeal, Bluefin Building 2nd Floor, London SE1 0TA
Give toys
You can donate new or used toys in good condition at 1,370 branches of McColl’s convenience stores.
Toys “R” Us will accept new toys only — look for special Sun trolleys near entrances.
Tell pals
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Or tweet using #SmilesAtChristmas to let us know how you’re getting involved!