I went to prison for killing my abusive husband – now I’m married to his best friend
IT is 9.30am and Sally Challen is sitting contently by the window in her new home, deep in the countryside.
The mum of two bought the house with her husband, Dellon, two years ago and says there was a time she could never have imagined being so happy.
Sally, 69, is a different woman compared to the one I met in 2012 — when she was two years into a life sentence for murder.
On August 14, 2010, she bludgeoned former husband Richard to death with a hammer at their home in Surrey, having endured decades of coercive control, domestic abuse and rape.
The couple had been married for 31 years and had two sons, James, 39, and David, 36.
In 2011, at Guildford Crown Court, Sally was sentenced to a minimum of 22 years in prison.
READ MORE ABOUT SALLY CHALLEN'S ORDEAL
She recalls: “I thought, ‘Oh God, 22 years? As a mother, my sons will have to serve this sentence with me. If I have grandchildren, I won’t meet them on the outside until they are grown up. And my life will be over’. I couldn’t take it in.”
Soon afterwards, her family wrote to Justice For Women, which I co-founded in 1990, asking for help.
Coercive control
At the organisation we recognise that women such as Sally are driven to kill out of desperation and self-defence and should not be treated in the same way as cold-blooded murderers.
Alongside Sally’s son David, now a domestic abuse campaigner, we set about finding her a legal team and new grounds of appeal, highlighting the evidence of years of abuse by Richard, who was 61 when he died.
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Four years later, after a long battle by feminists, coercive or controlling behaviour was criminalised.
Sally finally had grounds to appeal and, in June 2019, she became the first woman to have her murder conviction quashed under coercive control laws. She was sentenced to 14 years for manslaughter and walked free — supported by her sons — due to time already served.
I caught up with Sally and son David to talk about what is being framed as “Sally’s Law”, the Government’s sentencing reforms for domestic killings preceded by years of abuse.
It comes after an independent review of domestic homicide sentencing by Clare Wade KC, Sally’s former defence barrister, which was published in March.
It highlighted that greater protection should be given to people who kill their tormentors. The new changes will see judges treat years of physical abuse or coercive control as a mitigating factor that would allow them to reduce prison sentences.
The major overhaul will also increase penalties for abusers and embittered partners who kill after a relationship has ended. Despite now living a settled life, Sally has given a lot of thought to what else needs to happen to address the issue of domestic abuse.
She says: “Educating in school is good. Getting abused victims to talk to schoolchildren is good. This is learned behaviour, and often picked up from an abusive dad.
“Kids need to learn that that is not normal behaviour, and this is not how you treat women.”
During her ten years in prison Sally took part in the Freedom Programme, a 12-week support group for women who have experienced domestic abuse.
“That really opened my eyes,” says Sally, “because it helped me realise what Richard had done to me for all those years.”
And she is well aware that while many women were there because they had been driven to kill their abusers, for others it was because some man had coerced them to commit a crime for him. She explains: “So many women shouldn’t be locked up. They need help, not to be taken away from their children.”
David, who grew up witnessing his father’s abusive and sadistic behaviour towards his mother, says he knew it was about power and control. It was simply something they lived with until, when he was in his mid-teens, Sally started speaking out.
He said: “My mum tried to change things and become her own person, but he still continued to exert his power and dominance and would silence her and punish her for resisting.”
He says the level of gaslighting led Sally to question her own sanity, adding: “I saw her shrink and become dominated by him. And then, when it all happened, it was such a horrendous shock, with one parent dead and the other on trial for murder.
“I had to face up to what had happened and how mum had been driven to kill him.”
Healthy relationship
David, who speaks publicly about violence towards women and how to end it, has no plans to stop campaigning.
He says: “This is a massive problem in society, and it is men’s responsibility to tackle it. If you see a man telling a woman how to speak or what to do, how to dress, or belittling her in public, it is our duty to speak out about it and tell him that we condemn this behaviour.
“It’s the only way things are going to change.”
Teaching young people about what constitutes a “healthy relationship” is key to preventing toxic dynamics developing further down the line, believes Sally.
She says: “Both sides need to be more open about how they feel, instead of just going along with what the other partner is saying.
“I know that’s difficult if one of the partners is vulnerable.”
As someone whose father died when she was six, Sally adds: “They may be looking for a father figure, as I was, to look after me and protect me and be loving towards me. And I got the opposite.” When I ask Sally what she says to those calling the reforms “a licence to kill,” she answers: “I don’t think that is the right response.
“They should put themselves in say, my shoes, to see what it did to me.
“You’re dealing with someone who doesn’t even recognise that they are being abusive. They think it is the norm.
“The husband is the dominant one in the house. What they say goes, nobody else can challenge them — and if you do, you get hit.”
David adds: “Family members should recognise what’s happening, but the abuser often isolates them.”
Dellon, a school friend of Richard, and Sally wed in September 2021, having been friends for some time.
“We married on a beautiful day,” says Sally. “And it was one of the happiest days of my life, on a par with the birth of my two sons.”
Dellon supported Sally during the appeals process for her murder conviction, and once described her — long before they got together — as “really beautiful, sweet, kind — she’d do anything for you. Richard took advantage of that”.
“I’m happy, and Dell’s happy,” says Sally, beaming widely. “We are very much in love. The garden is rosy.
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“Life is so good now. I honestly could never have imagined it.”
After enduring decades of torment, it is a relief to hear that there is only one minor problem with Sally’s new surroundings. She tells me: “There’s an aggressive male peacock living in the woods nearby. He’s even dented my husband’s car.”
WHAT IS SALLY’S LAW
VICTIMS of domestic abuse who kill their tormentors could get lighter sentences under Sally’s Law.
New guidelines would make a history of physical abuse or coercive control mitigating factors that would allow judges to cut jail terms for perpetrators of domestic homicide.
Judges will also be able to treat murder by a controlling ex-partner who lashes out at the end of their relationship as an “aggravating” factor, which would add years to their sentence.
Justice Secretary Alex Chalk KC, a prosecuting barrister before becoming an MP, said: “Cowards who murder their partners should face the full force of the law.
“Our reforms will give judges the power to punish murderers for the added pain and trauma they inflict through ‘overkill’ as well as ensuring that those who coercively control their victims or kill them at the end of a relationship face longer behind bars.”
Around one in four homicides in England and Wales are committed by a current or former partner or relative.
New guidelines would make a history of physical abuse or coercive control mitigating factors that would allow judges to cut jail terms for perpetrators of domestic homicide.
Judges will also be able to treat murder by a controlling ex-partner who lashes out at the end of their relationship as an “aggravating” factor, which would add years to their sentence.
Justice Secretary Alex Chalk KC, a prosecuting barrister before becoming an MP, said: “Cowards who murder their partners should face the full force of the law.
“Our reforms will give judges the power to punish murderers for the added pain and trauma they inflict through ‘overkill’ as well as ensuring that those who coercively control their victims or kill them at the end of a relationship face longer behind bars.”
Around one in four homicides in England and Wales are committed by a current or former partner or relative.