Heartbroken young mum wrote harrowing secret ‘death book’ months before killing herself after struggling over baby’s death and ex-boyfriend’s suicide
Devastated mother of tragic Kirsty Farbrother reveals how her daughter kept her true feelings secret in an effort to stop other families suffering in the same way she has
A HEARTBROKEN young mother killed herself after struggling to cope with the death of her baby boy and his dad and detailed her tragic battle in a haunting 'death book'.
Tragic Kirsty Farbrother lost her premature baby boy Reece in 2012 but was hit again just four years later when the child's dad killed himself.
Kirsty, 21, struggled to cope but did not reach out to her friends and relatives and the tragic mum's own mother is now pleading for other families to keep their loved ones close and look out for any signs of emotional trauma.
Tracy Farbrother, Kirsty's mum, said: "I lived with her, I saw her every day, and I had no idea what was really going on.
"She seemed happy and like she was getting on with her life, but she was hiding her true feelings from everyone."
Kirsty and her boyfriend first split up in the weeks and months after their child died, but in May 2016 they both began contacting each other.
It seemed the couple were on the road to repairing their relationship and starting over again, but he was still devastated at the loss of his beloved son and took his own life.
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As the young woman's family and friends closed around her to support her, Kirsty began pretending to them that everything was OK.
In reality, she was struggling with her own fears and thoughts of self harm - all of which she detailed in a scrap book.
In the book were pictures of Reece and his dad, letters, poems about depression, a list of Kirty's final wishes and details on how she wanted her funeral.
Heartbroken Tracey, 46, a customer service worker from Tamworth, Staffs, said: "I knew Kirsty was struggling, but I never knew how bad it really was.
"She was so good at putting on a front, she never opened up about how she really felt.
"The night before she did it, we'd been laughing and joking as normal as we sat and watched TV.
"There was no clue about what she was planning.
"When I came downstairs I found a note and four letters on the table in the living room – I went into her room, but she wasn't in there.
"Then the dog started barking and ran to the dining room – and that's when I found her.
"At first I had to take a step back – I couldn't breathe.
"I kept saying 'Kirsty, wake up' – but her lips and feet were blue, and she was cold.
"I was just numb.
"Then I found a folder in her room – sort of a death book, filled with pictures, letters and poems.
"There were even details on how she wanted her funeral.
"She wrote about having a dream where Reece and his dad visited her, saying they missed her and needed her.
"I think she thought by killing herself she would be going to join them."
Kirsty was just 17 when she fell pregnant with Reece – and she didn't even know she was expecting until she was 20 weeks' pregnant.
Despite the shock, Tracey said child-oriented Kirsty was so happy and excited about becoming a mum.
But tragically, little Reece was born prematurely in August 2012 – and although he fought to stay alive, he died just a month later.
Tracey said: "Kirsty was heartbroken when Reece died.
"By the time Reece was born Kirsty and his dad had split up, but as they both struggled with his death they got back together again and helped each other through.
"But in the end, they did each other more harm than good – they both went a bit off the rails, and so I brought Kirsty home with me to get her on the straight and narrow."
Kirsty, who Tracey described as a "daddy's girl", saw a counsellor and started to get her life back on track, enrolling in a college course and getting a new job.
Tracey said: "About 18 months later, her ex got in touch with Kirsty again.
"I was worried at first, but he seemed to have sorted his life out too.
"They started messaging, and met up a few times.
"They would talk about Reece and share memories of him – I thought it was therapeutic for Kirsty."
But tragically, her ex boyfriend found it too hard to cope with the loss and took his own life in August 2016.
Tracey said: "I don't think he ever got over losing Reece.
"Although he'd moved on and had another child – which Kirsty couldn't do, because she had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome – it was too much for him.
"But looking back, I think him getting in touch again was where it all went wrong for Kirsty.
"She'd been doing so well, but he pulled her down – talking about Reece all the time didn't help her depression.
"I think she thought if he was a part of her life, Reece would still be with here.
"But when he died, it was like her last link to Reece was gone.
"I had no idea she was hurting as much as she was."
After her ex's death, devastated Kirsty started a journal – a book with pictures, poems and letters.
But it soon turned into a haunting scrap book.
Grief-stricken Kirsty had even left a list of her final wishes, and things to be read out at her funeral.
Tracey said: "It's like she was trying to explain herself.
"She believed in the afterlife, and I think after his death she decided she wanted to be with him and Reece – and nothing would stop her.
"With both of them gone, she thought she had nothing to live for.
"She had lost her little family, and she couldn't take the pain anymore.
"She knew what she was doing – she spent months tying up loose ends and making sure everything was in order.
"She even went down and tidied Reece's grave the day before she killed herself.
"It's like she was trying to make sure everything was perfect before she went."
Now, nearly a month on from Kirsty's death, brave Tracey is sharing her story to help raise awareness of the devastating effects of depression.
She said: "Kirsty was such a sweet, quiet girl – she was so gentle, polite and kind, and she loved her family and friends so much.
"But she is where she wants to be now – with her ex boyfriend and their little boy.
"I knew Kirsty had struggled over the years, but she looked like she was coping.
"I can't believe I never picked up on it, but sometimes it can be so subtle – as simple as someone snapping at you.
"It's so important for family and friends to pay attention – to talk to people, and really listen.
"I don't want any other family to have to suffer like I have."
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