PHIL’S FUNNIES
Philip ‘box office’ Hammond finally lives up to his ironic nickname after leaving MPs in stitches with joke-filled first Budget
PHILIP ‘box office’ Hammond finally lived up to his ironic nickname and left MPs in stitches with a joke-filled first Budget speech.
The Chancellor shed his strait-laced image to mock Jeremy Corbyn, Brexit and even his own reputation with an unexpectedly funny House of Commons performance.
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He began the biggest speech of his political career by joking the last man to attempt to alter the way these economic set-pieces are delivered ended up getting booted out of No11 shortly later.
Mr Hammond explained his plan to get rid of the Spring Budget and replace it had been attempted by Norman Lamont in 1993.
He said: “The then Prime Minister described it as the ‘right budget, at the right time, from the right Chancellor’.
“What they failed to remind me was…ten weeks later, he was sacked! So wish me luck!”
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He quickly moved to mock his own reputation as "spreadsheet Phil”, saying: "I turn now, Mr Deputy Speaker, to the OBR forecast.
“This is the spreadsheet bit, but bear with me because I have a reputation to defend."
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He also joked that despite being forecast to meet an EU target for the first time in more than a decade, he isn’t holding his breath for a “congratulatory letter from Jean-Claude Juncker”.
But he reserved most of his fire for Mr Corbyn and his party, attacking their record and future chances of being in Government.
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On helping small businesses he said: "Under the last Labour government corporation tax was 28% - by the way they don't call it the last Labour government for nothing."
Mocking the man sat on the opposing benches, he added: "A well-functioning market economy is the best way to deliver prosperity and security to working families and the litany of failed attempts at state control of industry by Labour leave no-one in any doubt about that.
"Except, apparently, the Right Honourable Gentleman opposite, who is now so far down a black hole that even Stephen Hawking has disowned him."
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And after announcing he was furthering investment in driverless cars, he added: “A technology I think the party opposite knows something about”
But the Chancellor turned to his boss for one final gag about being upstaged even on his big day with the red box.
He told MPs: "I am delighted to use the occasion of International Women's Day to announce three additional measures.
"Well, not quite announce them, Mr Deputy Speaker, because my Right Honourable Friend the Prime Minister's already announced two of them."
Mrs May heckled from behind him: "It's International Women's Day!"
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