TONY PARSONS
The next Match of the Day host is OBVIOUS and possibly the only person who could be as good as Gary Lineker
If BBC bosses sign him up today, he should be able to present Match Of The Day for the next 50 years
WHAT baffles me about the quest to replace Gary Lineker on Match Of The Day is that his obvious replacement never even gets mentioned.
They yak endlessly about Mark Chapman, Gabby Logan, Alex Scott, Jake Humphrey and Gary Neville.
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Why does nobody ever suggest Alan Shearer should be on the shortlist?
Because Shearer is a bald, old, white bloke? Doesn’t Shearer want it?
Ask him to reconsider. Al would be brilliant — possibly the only person alive who could be as good as Gary Lineker.
Reading an autocue is a skill that can be mastered.
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Knowing what Shearer knows about our national game takes a lifetime.
Gary Lineker became a great TV presenter.
He was, understandably, a lot more wooden and a lot less relaxed at the start.
But once Gal mastered the art of reading words on a screen while a producer talked in his ear mic, he relaxed to become a fitting replacement to the great Des Lynam.
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If Shearer can score 30 goals in 63 appearances for England (Lineker scored 48 goals in 80 appearances for the Three Lions) then how hard can it be to make the transition from MOTD guest to MOTD presenter?
The BBC is reportedly contemplating replacing Lineker with a revolving cast of presenters.
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Gabby Logan backed to replace Gary Lineker on Match Of The Day by Lorraine Kelly saying she'd be 'fantastic and amazing'
It has been done before — the most obvious example being post-Angus Deayton Have I Got News For You.
And of course Top Of The Pops always had a different grinning Radio One DJ every week.
That will not work with MOTD after Gary has gone because, over the last 25 years, Lineker has created the template for the show.
MOTD viewers demand the authority that only an ex-England striker can bring to the role.
For all his undoubted charm, humour and willingness to take off his trousers when Leicester won the Premier League, this unassailable authority was Gary Lineker’s greatest claim to the presenter’s chair on MOTD.
The audience vividly remembered Gary when he was banging them in for our national side. You did not have to like him.
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But you had to concede that the man knew what he was talking about.
Which brings me back to Alan Shearer. Does the BBC consider Shearer too old for the role?
But, in footballing terms, Gary and Alan are from different generations.
Lineker is 63. Alan Shearer is only 54. They played together just three times, only once for 90 minutes.
Shearer took over the mantle from Lineker once before. Now he can do so again.
We think of Gary in World Cup Italia 90, fretting about Gazza’s tears.
And Alan Shearer reminds us of a later era — wheeling away with one hand exultantly raised in Euro 96 when “It’s Coming Home” was still a new chorus.
Shearer is the perfect age to present Match Of The Day.
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Last week the best thing on TV was Asia, narrated by David Attenborough — 98 years old.
The big film was Gladiator II, directed by Ridley Scott — 86 years young.
And on Thursday night I witnessed an incredible concert at the Royal Albert Hall by Bob Dylan, 83.
Forget all those vapid young influencers on social media. Senior citizens are driving our culture.
And if BBC bosses sign up Alan Shearer today, he should be able to present Match Of The Day for the next 50 years.
Time to shut it, stupid
THE Princess of Wales lifted the spirits of the nation with her appearance at the Cenotaph last Sunday.
But Narinder Kaur – apparently a “star” of Good Morning Britain – mindlessly tweeted, “Genuine question – why has Kate aged so much? Is she a smoker? It’s the only explanation.”
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As we all know, Kate has just completed a course of chemotherapy for an unspecified cancer.
So genuine question – how stupid are you, Kaur?
Are you a complete brain-dead cretin? It’s the only explanation.
Because your comments are beyond disrespectful.
It is good to have Kate back after her chemotherapy treatment, and looking so radiant.
And it’s great news that she will host her fourth Christmas carol concert at Westminster Abbey.
And to all the social media “stars” we have never heard of – if you have nothing nice to say about this national treasure, then just shut your worthless cakeholes.
Unite right
IN her first week as the new Tory leader, Kemi Badenoch saw her party overtake Labour in the polls.
The More In Common poll put the Conservatives on 29 per cent, Labour on 27 per cent – and Reform on 19 per cent.
It is clear that Kemi is going to take Keir Starmer apart at every Prime Minister’s Questions.
But polls and PMQs will not be enough to put the Tories back into power.
Kemi’s role is not making Keir look clunky at the despatch box.
What matters is – unite the Right. Bring those Reform defectors home to the Tories.
If Kemi can’t unite the Right, then a second term is guaranteed for these shagged-out socialists.
I HAVE known journalist Allison Pearson for 30 years.
Allison has been both a colleague – we did the BBC’s Late Review together for years – and a friend.
Apart from being a brilliant writer, Allison is one of the nicest, kindest people I have ever met.
And does not have a racist bone in her body.
But on Remembrance Sunday, as Allison was getting ready to remember the fallen, two Essex policemen knocked on her door to investigate a “hate crime” on Twitter.
What did she post to bring the cops to her door?
They told Allison they were not at liberty to say.
This is more than an attack on free speech.
It is conclusive proof that OUR POLICE HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT THEY ARE FOR.
High streets are dying, driven out of business by an epidemic of shoplifting.
In England and Wales, most home burglaries – 96.5 per cent – never result in anyone being charged.
In Essex, where the cops were harassing my friend, the police solve one in ten sexual assaults.
And clueless cops are knocking on Allison’s door because someone complained about her Twitter feed?
Social media platforms should abide by the same laws newspapers do. And the cops should be chasing real criminals.
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ROD STEWART says he might have to sell his collection of sports cars because of the potholes on the roads.
Is this what they call a First World problem?
Ad fab festive wobble
YOU know that Christmas is on the way when your chin starts wobbling at TV commercials.
The John Lewis ad is a heart-tugging masterpiece, a perfect example of why Christmas commercials matter.
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As a woman, “Sally”, searches for a present for her kid sister, she steps through the kind of magic wardrobe that puts you on the fast track to Narnia, transporting her back to her own past at the end of the last century.
Her sister is seen as a little girl, then as a difficult teen, and as a pregnant young mum – and their own mother is glimpsed when she was still alive.
The feeling of nostalgia for a long-lost past is amplified by the music – The Verve’s Richard Ashcroft crooning Sonnet, Britpop at its most melancholy and reflective.
The cinematic references are unabashed.
The door to a magical world is lifted from The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, and the past melting before Sally’s eyes is a direct lift from Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.
But the film that the ad really references is It’s A Wonderful Life – the hero running through those Christmas winter streets, running towards all the things that truly matter, running for home.
It worked for me. Merry chin-wobble!
Tweet twits
IN a momentous step, Australia’s government proposes a total social media ban for children under the age of 16.
Is there one parent on the planet who will object?
It might be an idea to go even further.
Consider the knots the Labour front bench are tying themselves in because of all the nasty things they have posted about President-Elect Donald Trump over the years.
Watching David Lammy, who famously tweeted that Trump is a “neo-Nazi-sympathising sociopath”, grovelling to the Americans now, it makes me believe there should be a social media ban for the over-16s too.
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GLIDING down the red carpet for the premiere of Gladiator II, Connie Nielsen embodies the kind of elegant, sophisticated grace that the film industry has not seen since Grace Kelly was single.
I am always surprised to recall that Connie went out with the drummer from Metallica – fellow Dane, Lars Ulrich – for eight years.
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The drummer from Metallica?
To me, Connie always looks like she should be wearing a diamond-encrusted tiara in Monaco.
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