Donald Trump called me last week… now I’m scared he’s going blind like Elton John

I HAD a missed call from Donald Trump last week, and assumed he was seeking to recruit me as his new White House Communications Director.

But in fact, when he rang back, he said he was watching me on TV in America and thought I looked so great that he had to ring and tell me that.

I know, I know, it sounds utterly preposterous that the President-elect could take time out of his ridiculously busy schedule to compliment me on my aesthetic quality.

But he did, and hey, if the world’s most powerful man wants to do that, who am I to argue?

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Even if it does raise immediate concerns that his eyesight might be going the same way as Sir Elton John’s…

IT’S CALLED ACTING

I loved Rupert Everett blasting the “bullsh*t” modern scourge of supposed cultural appropriation in movies with activists demanding only gay actors should play gay roles and bullying the likes of Scarlett Johansson out of playing a trans character in the film Rub & Tug because she’s not trans herself.

 As he said, the whole point of acting is that actors act roles.

Did it matter that Tom Hanks isn’t gay when he played a gay man in Philadelphia, the first big movie about HIV/AIDS, and did it so well that he won an Oscar, and shone such a massively important and effective global light on the killer disease?

It did to the woke brigade, who’ve since attacked him so much for it that he now says he shouldn’t have accepted the part because there was a lack of authenticity in “a straight guy playing a gay guy”.

What poppycock.

Anthony Hopkins isn’t a serial killer but was chilling as Hannibal Lecter.

Robert Ne Niro isn’t a boxer but crushed it in Raging Bull.

Marlon Brando wasn’t a Mafia boss but played one better than the real thing in The Godfather.

Rock Hudson was one of Hollywood’s all-time great male romantic leads yet was also secretly gay.

Just let actors do what they do best – act!

TRIGGER POINT

After the latest trigger warning absurdity, in which the British Board of Film Classification issued a trigger warning on the smash hit movie Wicked because of potential discrimination against green-skinned women, I urgently need my own 24/7 trigger warning alarm system alerting me to any similar trigger warnings that have an immediate and harmful triggering effect on my spleen.

DON’T REAPPLY

I can’t pretend to be too upset that the infamous Groucho Club has been shut down, pending a police investigation into an alleged rape on the premises.

They once rejected me for membership, adding: “We don’t think it would be appropriate in your case for you to reapply.”

Ironically, it seems the behaviour of the people they do let in is too inappropriate for me to ever want to.