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JANE ATKINSON
If Coronation street keeps sacking the wrong stars they will kill it off. But I know how to save the soap
Things are going only one way in Weatherfield right now
WHEN was the last time you told a friend they should watch Coronation Street?
No, me neither. Despite the fact I was once an avid fan.
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We are not alone. Britain’s longest- running soap didn’t even make the top ten TV shows on Christmas Day, with just 2.6million tuning in.
And that was despite the fact it was focused on the departure of show stalwart Gail.
On Thursday night, the soap had the worst ratings ever in its 65-year history — with just 2.34million.
Things are going only one way in Weatherfield right now.
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There has been an “exodus” from the show too, with Charlotte Jordan, who plays Rovers Return barmaid Daisy Midgeley, and Sue Cleaver who plays Eileen Grimshaw choosing to quit the cobbles.
While Colson Smith, who plays PC Craig Tinker, and Sue Devaney, who plays Debbie Webster have also been shown the door.
The soap has been hit by a crisis thanks to a combination of soaring production costs and a fall in advertising revenue.
To put it plainly, they have run out of cash because not enough people are watching it.
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So it’s goodbye to some of the beloved characters who cost a bit more and hello to new, cheaper stars who will churn out high-octane storylines in a blatant bid to attract Gen Z to Corrie.
But it just won’t work. and they’ve got it all wrong.
In the desperate hope of pulling in new viewers, panic-stricken Corrie has lost sight of what the loyal viewers want.
Coronation Street makes big change to iconic scene leaving fans horrified - did you spot it?
And if they don’t sort this mess out swiftly, it won’t just be characters that die but the soap itself.
I know how they can try to fix it. They need to stop booting out actresses like the wonderfully talented Sue Devaney to make way for cheaper actors.
If I’d had to pick someone to get rid of, it certainly wouldn’t have been her.
And filling the cast with young talent to draw in those of the same generation is just ridiculous. I really don’t think 20-somethings want to watch Corrie — it isn’t for them.
Coronation Street was always about a middle-aged audience who enjoyed the dry wit, focus on family life and the warmth it provided from the characters they grew to know and love.
It was about the amazing writers who helped bring characters such as Vera, Jim, Kevin, Toyah, Dev and Rosie slowly, but surely, to life with their gentle humour, often while pottering around their homes or having a pint in the Rovers, without bashing the viewer over the head with sensationalist storylines.
Quality over quantity
It was quality over quantity, brought to us just a couple of nights a week.
But now the dialogue is watered down with a huge cast churning out three hours’ worth of TV with storylines often focused on crime.
I feel sorry for Corrie. Times have changed. Reality TV is huge. Streaming and binge-watching Netflix and Amazon Prime are often our go to.
The way we all watch TV is so different to how it was only a few years ago. But I truly hope they can turn around its fortune.
It would be a crying shame if the only way we ever got to see a glimpse inside the Rovers in the future was by going on the Coronation Street Experience.
It must go back to its roots to come out on top again, so we don’t say “ta-ra” for ever.
Cynthia's nailed such an impractical look
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IT took five hours for Wicked star Cynthia Erivo to have her nail extensions done last week for the Golden Globes.
That sounds utterly tedious.
But at various events around the globe over the past couple of months, the actress who played Elphaba in the hit musical movie has been showing off two-inch long pointed talons adorned with rhinestones, warped watches, 3D eyeballs and dripping- blood effects.
She says they were designed to feel “dark, edgy and unapologetically fierce”.
But all I can think is “dirty, unhygienic and totally impractical”.
Screw up by jails
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THE obsession some have for bad boys is clear. Last month, people went bonkers over “hot assassin” American Luigi Mangione, despite him being accused of murder.
Millions of fawning fans were calling for his freedom, purely because of his movie star good looks and chiseled abs.
Remember “hot felon” Jeremy Meeks?
His conviction for having a firearm was quickly forgotten when his smouldering mugshot landed him a modelling contract the moment he left jail.
Chloe Green, daughter of Topshop owner Sir Philip Green, even had a relationship with him.
I get it – I’ve dated a few wrong ’uns in my time. But 30-year-old Linda De Sousa Abreu has taken the thrill of getting caught up with bad boys waaaay too far.
This week, she was jailed for 15 months after being filmed having sex with convicted burglar Linton Weirich at HMP Wandsworth, in South London. The video went viral on social media.
She is the latest in a long line of randy female prison officers axed for romping with male lags.
There have been 29 in the last three years, and they are among 50 caught having “inappropriate” relationships.
You could have put money on De Sousa Abreu getting up to no good. When she got the job, she was a wife-swapping OnlyFans star who appeared in online sex films.
Imagine how thrilled she must have been walking into her new role, and the kerfuffle on the wings when she rocked up in her sexy uniform, handcuffs at the ready.
Amazingly, being an OnlyFans creator doesn’t mean an automatic ban from being a prison officer. It’s only if recruiters feel their content could bring the service into disrepute.
Clearly, De Sousa Abreu slipped through the cracks. That’s why young, inexperienced female guards cooped up with a load of sex-starved criminals in an all male jail is absolute madness.
It is time we stop putting them all together.
Blaze hell so tragic
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SEEING the footage of Los Angeles burning is heartbreaking. And I feel sympathy for every one of those involved.
The mega-rich residents and film stars may have the finances to replace the bricks and mortar but years of hard work, memories and treasures have gone up in smoke. It must be horrendous.
And it is awful that, as the enormous plume of smoke blocked out the sunshine across areas of LA on Wednesday, workers – gardeners, builders and delivery truck drivers – continued to go about their business as though nothing was happening.
One Mexican admitted “We gotta pay bills. It’s not like they’re gonna pay us to stop working and leave.”
The LA wildfires will have a ripple effect which will cause devastation to so many.
I just hope that these workers who so desperately need the cash are employed to rebuild these fancy LA homes because otherwise the price they will pay could be the biggest of all.
lTV bosses are creating a dating show for vicars and their equivalents from different faiths including the Muslim and Jewish communities.
The idea is they hope to attract candidates like fun-loving Geraldine Granger from The Vicar Of Dibley. I can’t wait.
Imagine Love Island scenes where vicars throw caution to the wind as they shove off their dog collars and give us a glimpse of their chiseled abs before a quick session in a confession box.
Less tea . . . but more sex please, vicar.
l I GET the obsession with Newcastle United. I witness it week in, week out.
Every time they play, The Geordie and our son chant together: “Toon Toon, Black and White Army” at the top of their voices for luck.
And I therefore get why fan Mark Scott, above, thought it was vital that his nine-year-old son Sammy should bunk off school to watch them play at Arsenal.
But what he shouldn’t have done was lie to the lad’s teachers, saying he was ill.
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They spotted the boy screaming towards the camera on Sky after Anthony Gordon scored, and marked him down as absent. Good on them.
Lying to people who care for your kids day in day out is never a great idea. If ever the Geordie did the same, I’d tell him exactly where he could stick his Toon Army.
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