If Prince William is after advice, he only needs to follow the Queen’s simple rule… never moan
IN an interview with GQ magazine, Prince William observes: “I know I come across as quite reserved and shy.”
That’s one way of putting it. Other adjectives might be petulant, spoilt, intransigent, entitled and delusional.
For try as I might to warm to our future King William, every time he opens his mouth it just sounds like an Olympic whinge-fest that proves he has little or no concept of the real problems faced by those he will one day reign over.
Yes, he lost his mother at a formative age.
And yes, he suffered an unimaginable grief that, though it dims with time, never leaves you.
And who could argue with that?
But bad things happen to everyone and, unlike William, the majority don’t have the cushion of unimaginable wealth and privilege through their dark times. They just have to get on with it and make do.
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Of his mother, Princess Diana, he adds: “I would like to have had her advice.”
So in her absence, let me offer him some of my own with help from a World War One marching song aimed at boosting the morale of British troops amid the horrors of battle.
“Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile.”
Because that’s the trade-off, William. You get the immensely privileged, inherited lifestyle of palaces, butlers, top-notch Range Rovers, Norland nannies, loaned villas on exotic islands, private jets and never having to worry about the next gas bill.
In return, we get a dependable, constantly smiling figurehead who, just like your impeccably uncomplaining grand- mother, the Queen, turns up at hospitals after the most unimaginably horrific terrorist attack and brightens the day of the children and parents caught up in it.
Not, metaphorically speaking, someone who walks through the door and moans about the traffic.
The Queen understands that the “never complain, never explain” ethos first advocated by Benjamin Disraeli and adopted by her great-great-grandmother Queen Victoria has sustained the distinctly undemocratic monarchy for decades by helping to perpetuate the myth that they were somehow a breed apart from the hoi polloi.
But gone are the days when the royals were revered by a largely unquestioning proletariat, so when the universally admired Queen dies, King Charles and, later, King William will no doubt be tolerated solely for their value as tourist magnets, celebrating a throwback lifestyle of pomp and ceremony, gold carriages, Disney princess-esque tiaras, velvet knickerbockers and a Downton Abbey-style class system.
And yet . . . also in the interview, William insists that his children, George and Charlotte, will grow up in a “real, living environment”, not “growing up behind palace walls”.
To which (now that beheading for insubordination is no longer an option) may I humbly suggest that if he truly wants a “normal” life for his family, then he should forego all the pomp that goes with his ceremonial role and join the self-funding, real world occupied by the rest of us.
You can have one, or the other, not both. And you wish for it at the peril of the monarchy.
Another leftie luvvie and their dog
POLDARK actress Eleanor Tomlinson has posted a photo of her dog, Bert, in front of a Vote Labour sign and captioned it: “I am voting RED!!”
The social media account is run in Bert’s name but, assuming he’s just your average pooch whose interests don’t extend much beyond walking, sleeping, eating and crapping, one can assume the window sticker is reflective of Eleanor’s political views.
If so, she’s the latest in a long line of luvvies virtue-signalling their supposedly caring credentials while ignoring the blindingly obvious fact that the party is now led by a deluded radical who would turn the country into an economic basket case.
But then, of course, Eleanor and her Thespian ilk would no doubt emigrate to La La Land, citing “work reasons” and leave the rest of us to suffer the fallout alone.
WED ALERT FOR UK
GHANAIAN Albert Awuku married a German woman in his home country in a ceremony that, under local law, neither was required to attend.
GHANAIAN Albert Awuku married a German woman in his home country in a ceremony that, under local law, neither was required to attend.
He then sought to gain UK residency via his wife’s right to live here under the European freedom of movement rule and, after a long and expensive legal battle, the Appeal Court has paved the way for it to happen. It’s stories like this that make you think Brexit can’t come soon enough.
- WILTSHIRE police chiefs have asked the Government to pay the £1.2million cost of the controversial sex abuse investigation into late PM Sir Edward Heath.
Either way, it’s the taxpayer footing the bill. - SCIENTISTS say that babies can be taught to stand on their own at just four months old.
No thanks. They’re much less trouble when they stay where they’re put. - QUITE why British Airways boss Alex Cruz donned a hi-vis vest to speak to his employees via social media is anyone’s guess.
Presumably, given the bucket of proverbial tipped over his head by those caught up in the totally avoidable flight chaos, it’s the modern equivalent of a flak jacket.
Beatrice love hits a hitch
PRINCESS Beatrice is said to be “super happy” for ex-boyfriend Dave Clark, who is set to marry New York advertising executive Lynn Anderson.
Hmmmm. Magnanimous though the sentiment is, one can’t help feeling that behind closed doors it’s a different story.
Beatrice and Dave dated for ten years before going their separate ways just nine months ago – one theory for the break-up being that she issued an ultimatum over his failure to propose.
I wrote at the time: “Uh-oh. Risky business. Either it works and they come running back on, er, bended knee. Or they meet someone else and you’ve lost them for good.”
In this case, it proved to be the latter.
And whatever the truth behind why you broke up, the haste of it has got to hurt.
SEXISM OR COMMON SENSE?
ACTRESS Robin Wright’s dismay at being told she was on the same money as fellow House Of Cards actor Kevin Spacey then discovering she’d been lied to is understandable.
But aside from being so blatantly misled, one would assume that Spacey was paid more simply because he’s the star of the show and, consequently, in far more scenes.
Case in point is Denise Gough who is playing the lead role in the new BBC thriller Paula, with Victoria star Tom Hughes playing her love interest.
The admirably no-nonsense Ms Gough, 37, says: “I know I’ve been very clear about [Paula] that I was on top whack and the boys were less.”
Assuming, of course, that she hasn’t been lied to as well.
- YOUNG man called Flavio Nappi is rumoured to be the latest amour of Nancy Doolally-o, who has told friends she is “schooling him in the art of love”.
Flavio, 32, left with Nancy, is the co-founder of a company called ExtraVerso, which markets a suction phone cover “featuring an extraordinary grip effect”.
Though not, one suspects, as extra-ordinary as the grip the fearlessly fruity Ms Doolally-o has on the poor sap’s arm.
That's karma...
WHEN career criminal John Calvert chose to burgle a flat in Bradford, little did he know that the occupant was 16st rugby player Jon Magrin, who punched him in the face and threw him to the floor.
He has now been sentenced to three years in prison. Comeuppance stories like this warm the cockles of the heart.
It’s reminiscent of that wonderful scene when Crocodile Dundee is confronted by a would-be thief brandishing a flick-blade and scoffs: “That’s not a knife. That’s a knife,” while pulling out a large machete.