Louise Redknapp is allegedly suffering from a midlife crisis, Jamie needs to play the long game… it’s not over yet

LOUISE REDKNAPP, it is alleged, is suffering from a classic midlife crisis.

Hmmm. I’d say it’s more of a midwife crisis.

A couple of years ago the lovely Louise celebrated her big 4-0, a milestone birthday for women that should come with a warning sign for other halves.

For many of us, it’s the brow of life’s hill, the vantage point from where we look back on the past and — dangerously for some marriages — look ahead to what might be coming next.

And if we don’t like what we see, fasten your seatbelt chaps, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

I have met the Redknapps quite a few times over the years and they always seemed like a genuinely happy couple.

But while I can’t pretend to know what’s going on inside Louise’s head, chances are she’s now following a path well trodden by vast numbers of women before her.

Generally speaking, our twenties were probably spent being blissfully selfish, juggling the demands of our chosen career with a high-octane social life that involved lots of alcohol, hangovers, girly get-togethers and occasional tears about some cad in a black leather jacket.

Then we moved in to our thirties, settled down, had children and spent the next decade in a foggy blur of sleeplessness, nappies, school runs and holding the family fort.

We might have gone on the very occasional spa day but, for the most part, none of us had time to even think about our own wants, needs and desires.

Then eventually, our kids start to become more independent.

They go to school all day, clubs afterwards and at weekends head off to sleepovers with friends.

Suddenly “Mum” finds she has time on her hands and raises her head above the parapet of “family life” to see what she can fill it with.

For Louise, it was Strictly Come Dancing — a glittertastic whirlwind of long days, late nights, effervescent company, music and sequins.

It was a seductive experience that probably reminded Louise of the heady days when she was part of girlband Eternal and young, free and selfish.

But most crucially of all, Strictly was just about her — the glamorous, fun Louise she perhaps felt had disappeared under the weight of responsibility that comes with family life.

When it ended, chances are it left a huge void and the realisation that, with Jamie’s busy TV career going from strength to strength, the prospect of them spending more time together was very slim indeed.

Perhaps, as is all too common, she feels he views her solely as a wife and mother and not the beautiful, sexy woman she still is.

So Jamie, if you’re reading this, don’t give up. You need to play the long game.

Start by treating her as an individual and giving her the space she so clearly needs.

Tell her, in person or in writing, that you still love — and fancy — her, and that you appreciate all the selfless years she put in to making the family home a wonderful place to be.

Romance her again. Buy her little “saw this and thought of you” treats, however small.

Suggest a holiday alone together, so you can talk things through. And if she says yes, research and book it yourself.

Tell her she’s a great mum, but what you really value is her as a person.

Ask her opinion on important decisions to do with your job, instigate conversations about what she would like to do next, involve her in any social events that arise from your work and, most of all, listen.

Do all of this and, ultimately, there’s every chance she will want you by her side for the next chapter of her life.

If you don’t, then you won’t have lost her, you’ll have thrown her away.

Time for Marty Poppins?

TIME Lord The Doctor is to become a Time Lady for the first time in the show’s 54-year history.

For diehard fans this, er, revelation has been the subject of much debate.

Detractors suggest that whoever made this decision is from another planet, while others virtue-signal their PC credentials by heralding it as a “victory for feminism”. Yawn.

Predictably, memes of a crashed Tardis are doing the rounds, so too are jokes about the Daleks screeching “Exfoliate! Exfoliate!” But I digress.

As I haven’t been a regular viewer since the Jon Pertwee days, I am perhaps unqualified to comment, though one feels there are plenty of good female roles available these days without the need to erode those that are traditionally male.

The same day that Jodie Whittaker was unveiled as the Doctor, Emily Blunt was photographed for the first time as the new Mary Poppins.

In the interests of equality, perhaps it should have been Marty?

Gender Agenda

FASHIONISTAS have long suffered palpitations over matters that seem trivial to the rest of us, but the current edition of Vogue takes the low- calorie organic biscuit.

It claims that the cover stars – Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid – have started a “genderquake” because . . . wait for it . . . she occasionally wears his T-shirts.

Therefore, according to the “fashion bible”, they “are part of a new generation embracing gender fluidity”.

Quite the leap, no?

The mag was forced to apologise a few days later after, presumably, Zayn’s “people” sent a wtf-style memo pointing out that just because he said that clothes don’t have a defined gender, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t either.

Meanwhile, a genderquake has been rocking the foundations of Moore Towers for many years now, where my preferred outfit of choice is any one of a number of sweatshirts outed by The Bloke because he’s put on so much weight they shrank in the wash.

Vogue, you know where to find us.

Steer clear of goldcar

CAR rental company Europcar is being investigated by Trading Standards for allegedly overcharging customers for repair bills.

And now the Serious Fraud Office may investigate concerns about it and other firms too.

In which case, may I point them in the direction of an outfit called Goldcar?

Earlier this year it helped itself to €150 (£133) from my credit card for “damage” I had nothing to do with and it has since resisted all my attempts to claim it back.

And a quick glance at the website goldcarcomplaints.com suggests that I am far from alone.

It appears to be operating as a law unto itself and it needs to stop.

Mum 'Knowles' best

IN the first public photograph of her newborn twins, Beyonce is shown cradling them to her impressive bosom, swathed in acres of designer fabric and framed by 48squillion quids’ worth of fresh blooms.

All very on brand.

After all, when you’re arguably the most famous showwoman in the world, a more realistic image of her slumped red-eyed on the sofa in milk-stained sweats, a feeding bra and Bart Simpson slippers is out of the question.

Hot felon divorce

“HOT felon” turned male model, Jeremy Meeks, has filed for legal separation from the mother of his two children, citing “irreconcilable differences”.

Perhaps the main one being that he’d rather swan around the world on the arm of Topshop heiress Chloe Green than be at home playing happy families.

A spoon full of sugar...

ARCH self-publicist Kim Kardashian faced flak earlier this month after posting a video in which two white lines can be seen on a table behind her. She insisted it was “sugar”.

Can’t she afford a bowl like everyone else?

Sort it out

PUPILS at Merchants’ Academy in Bristol are forced to wear this sign around their neck if they break the strict uniform rules.

Meanwhile, perhaps the school might also like to take 24 hours in which to sort out its grammar.