Swingers reveal what sex parties are really like, from playrooms and minty mouthwash to orgies on yachts
One woman insists orgies have made her relationship with her partner even better
CLUSTERS of people having sex on giant beds and orgies full of strangers who met online - this is what it's really like to be a swinger.
Sarah Jane Banahan got her first taste of swinging when she threw a surprise sex party for her boyfriend's birthday.
And nursing assistant Suzannah*, 38, will never forget the first event she went to in the Home Counties – safe sex seemed to be completely out the window as horny strangers got busy in front of each other.
“Me and my boyfriend ended up watching other couples having sex in what they called the ‘playrooms’ – five giant beds lined up with about 25 people having sex in various groups and clusters,” Suzannah says.
“There was a lot of moaning and groaning, the heavy smell of bodies mingled with mouthwash (there was minty mouthwash in all the toilets) and I was shocked at how few people were using condoms.
“There was a good-looking woman with long dark hair sitting on a big leather swing hanging from the ceiling in one corner and a queue of men lined up waiting to have sex with her, one-by-one.
“I remember feeling shocked that a woman would have sex with 20 men in one night.”
Group sex nights are springing up all over the UK - so maybe Brits aren't quite as strait-laced as people think.
Swingers recently made headlines after Somerset villagers complained about a members-only group called Exclusively Silks hosting “intimate parties” at a local hotel, with people “spilling out into the gardens and pool” at night and causing a noise nuisance.
Clubs hosting intimate sex parties exist all over Britain, from Dunstable to Doncaster, from Bedford to Bournemouth. One online directory of swingers’ clubs lists more than 90 in the UK.
'Too many people make it cluttered'
Suzannah went to her first event after her then-boyfriend David* suggested it.
She initially didn’t take too kindly when he asked her to go to a swingers’ club while they were on holiday in Miami, refusing to entertain him.
But he persevered, and when they were back in the UK she decided to give it a go.
Tickets for the party cost £20 and, dressed in her slinkiest dress and highest heels, Suzannah strutted in to the private hotel.
Much as many would expect, she was greeted by TV sets showing soft porn, women pole dancing and naked couples getting frisky in the Jacuzzis.
While she and David didn’t join in that first time, it wasn’t long before she decided to give sex with strangers a go.
“I’m not into huge orgies: I like sex with a couple (male-female) or with two men – any more than that and it gets a bit confusing and cluttered,” she says.
“I’ve probably had sex with about 40 guys since I started swinging, but I always make sure [men use] condoms and I don’t see anyone outside the events I go to.
“Sometimes I just go along and watch without joining in at all. That in itself is a turn-on.”
It's not all so chilled though - Suzannah's family have no idea what she gets up to in her spare time.
She did confide in a friend once, but she was so horrified they never spoke about it again.
'I've been to 50 sex parties'
Sarah Jane Banahan, 34, has been swinging with her boyfriend Steve since they got together six years ago. They have an open relationship and, just like Suzannah's experience, it was Steve who suggested getting other people into the bedroom.
“I had a very conventional sex life for many years, but everything changed when Steve and I got together and he told me he’d like to have a go at swinging,” she says.
While most women would have been outraged at the suggestion, Sarah Jane took a different path.
“I threw a small surprise orgy for his birthday in a hotel in London," she says.
“I was apprehensive, but I’ve always been open-minded and body-confident, so I invited five or six people I’d met online to join us.
“We ended up with 35 people and had a great night.
“Swinging felt natural and fun from the start and I’ve been to regular swinging parties – more than 50 - since then.
“My party prepping always includes shaving, moisturising and fake tanning.”
The couples' friends know how they spend their spare time, but apparently it's not a major topic of discussion.
Sex party demand soaring
Typically, swinging couples and singles gather late on a typical Thursday, Friday or Saturday night, to eat, drink, dance and hook up with others for sex, whether in twos, threes, fours or bigger groups.
Depending on the venue and the nature of the party, they might have paid as little as £15 or as much as £300 to get in.
There are industry claims that more than 100,000 Brits visit popular online swinging sites every day to upload photos, videos and give details about their sexual preferences.
Raphael Yadgaroff, 29, is the British managing director of cliqueasia.com, a social media network for swingers.
He’s only been swinging since moving to Thailand two-and-a-half years ago, but he's seen an uptake in people interested in sex parties.
“The adult lifestyle market is expanding and the scene is growing,” he says.
“People love to step outside their comfort zone and push the boundaries, and they realise that swinging builds trust and helps communication so it enhances relationships.”
'Swinging stops sex being boring'
That’s certainly something Sarah Jane agrees with – while most of us would hate the thought of our other half lusting over someone else, she insists swinging has only made her relationship with Steve stronger.
“You’re always meeting new people, I love the sense of freedom, and swinging promotes trust in my relationship with Steve. It stops it becoming boring,” she says.
“You meet people from all walks of life - doctors, lawyers and people who work in Tesco. All we really have in common is that we’re open-minded.
“Often I party with Steve, but we do swing without each other too. As long as we are open and honest with each other, it works for us.”
Steve is more than happy with their lifestyle, as swinging has always been one of his biggest fantasies.
“I have always fantasised about group sex and watching Sarah play with other women,” he explains.
“The parties give me the chance to fulfil all sorts of fantasies, as well as watching other people fulfil theirs too, which turns me on.
“I'm a voyeur, which is why I enjoy them so much.”
Pineapples and garden gnomes... how to spot a swinger
Of course there’s no scientific way to be sure whether someone swings – experienced swinger Sarah Jane Banahan says it’s impossible to tell – but tell-tale signs may include:
- They have pampas grass growing in the front garden or put fake pink flamingos on the lawn
- They wear a black ring on the right hand
- Women wear anklets or toe rings
- They have garden gnomes
- They wear special wrist bands. According to , these wristbands have a special "sign" which, similar to black rings, was created to help swingers recognise each other. The sign is apparently "unobtrusive and respects the privacy of the ones who wear it". Look for the international male and female signs arranged horizontally with their circles intersecting, with three plus or minus signs on both sides. The three plus signs on both sides means they are "looking for partners as a pair" while the minus signs mean they would also join without their partner
- The story goes that a pineapple is placed on a porch or mailbox by swingers to signify that a sex party is going on. The fruit apparently represents hospitality
'Swingers aren't all sexy'
In all, Suzannah and David have been to about 50 swingers’ events together, from private parties in people’s houses to a yacht holiday in the Med.
“I always dress up – usually a revealing dress with matching lingerie, maybe a thong and a peep-hole bra – and I wear heels,” she says.
“I’m often naked very soon after arriving but I leave my shoes on - men seem to like that, and it makes me feel powerful, somehow."
The parties aren't always as glossy as people might expect, though.
“I’ve become more confident about how I look: you see the super-confidence of some men and women even when they’re saggy and overweight, and realise you don’t look so bad after all," Suzannah says.
“Swingers really do come in all shapes and sizes – they’re not all gorgeous and perfect. Far from it.”
Unlike Sarah Jane and Steve, swinging wasn't enough to keep Suzannah and her bloke together.
She's now single - but still heads to a party once every couple of months because she loves how “animalistic” seeing people sharing their bodies is.
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“I’m single right now, but I imagine I’ll be in another relationship before long. Who he’ll be and how he’ll feel about swinging, I have no idea,” she says.
“I’ll cross that bridge: I’m very much a live-for-today person.
“Maybe that’s why swinging suits me: no strings, no boundaries; we’re just breaking some rules and living in the moment.”
- * Names have been changed