‘Prankster’ Jesse Mateman is a pathetic excuse of a man and the only swine in this story is him
Jesse Mateman may consider himself a 'lad' for the cruel joke he pulled on Sophie Stevenson, but he'll never be a man.
DUTCHMAN Jesse Mateman, the sexual inadequate whose “pull a pig” prank left a young woman devastated, may be a lad but I have news for him – you will never be a man.
The brief, brutal affair between Sophie Stevenson, 24, and this miserable excuse for a male was spawned by a growing culture of cruelty where young men can only feel good about themselves by humiliating young women.
When Sophie met Mateman in Barcelona last summer she thought that she had found her first boyfriend. They got on so well — at least Sophie believed that they had — that she flew to Amsterdam to be reunited with Mateman.
She was at the airport when she received a text sneering: “You were pigged. It was all a joke.”
Just to reinforce his snide message, Mateman helpfully included pig emojis and a face shedding tears of helpless mirth.
Sophie’s plaintive response: “How can you be so cruel though?” rips at the heart.
“It has completely knocked my confidence,” Sophie says. “I don’t like leaving the house on my own. I don’t like looking at my phone in case he’s messaged. I feel sick if I think about it too much.”
This woman-hating idea of fun is being called lad culture — as if this kind of thing has always been with us among young men who are fond of girls, beer and a good time.
And that is a lie. This is not lad culture as a working class boy of the 20th century would have recognised it. Sad lads like Mateman are an appalling new species who hate and fear women.
Men should be doing better than this. More than 100 years since suffragette Emily Davison threw herself in front of the King’s horse at the Derby in the cause of women’s rights and, after half a century of feminism, we have too many young men who love nothing more than degrading women.
What happened, all you sad lads? Truly, I don’t recognise your attitudes towards women.
I am sickened by the “pull a pig” prank, and the “disco rodeo” stunt where you jump on a girl’s back and try to stay there for as long as possible, and the “slut shaming” when you post pictures of your comatose date in various stages of distress and undress, and the “chubby chasing” wheeze where you attempt to pull an overweight girl to give your mates a giggle.
What’s wrong with you?
My theory is that sad lads have all watched so much pornography that they are incapable of dealing with a real woman like lovely young Sophie.
I believe sad lads have ingested so many fantasy images of women gasping with orgasmic delight at the slightest encouragement that they feel inadequate in the presence of real female flesh and blood.
I think the sad lads are scared.
I think the sad lads are terrified.
And I believe that anyone who goes in for these sadistic jokes like pigging is much happier holding his smartphone than his penis.
All you sad lads take it from this old lad — it is not Sophie who emerges from this nasty episode looking ridiculous. It is cruel, clog-wearing creep Mateman.
You might think the true pig here is that pencil-d***ed Dutchman.
But that would be unfair to pigs.
NEVER MIND THE BALLOTS
MARGARET THATCHER was a bit late getting into punk rock.
We learn that prior to an interview with Smash Hits magazine in 1987, Mrs T was briefed by aides about youth trends, including punk – described as “a very basic musical style featuring a strange bunch of anti-establishment acts, most famous of which were the Sex Pistols.”
But by 1987 Sid Vicious was more than eight years in his grave and conventional, conservative bands such as Wham! and Duran Duran ruled the charts.
By 1987 punk was long gone and everyone had fake suntans, tight white shorts and hair like Princess Diana – even the girls.
I supped Red Stripe lager for years with that “strange bunch” the Sex Pistols. But by 1987, even their oldest friends would have needed reminding exactly who they were.
MONARCH HAS PAID HER DUES
THERE is only one head of state on the planet who wore their country’s uniform during World War Two, and that is our Queen.
So it will be a sad moment when Her Majesty does not lay a wreath at the Cenotaph next month on Remembrance Sunday.
In the course of her 65-year reign, the Queen has only failed to lay a wreath for the fallen on a handful of occasions, when she was either abroad on a royal tour or pregnant.
Sickness never stopped her attending our day of national remembrance. But this year the Queen will see Prince Charles lay a wreath on her behalf while she watches from a balcony of the Foreign Office with Prince Philip, 96.
This is sad but makes sense. Those November mornings at the Cenotaph can be bitterly cold. The Queen is 91. It is time for the next generation to take some of the load.
The Queen has done her bit.
And then some.
IT'S ALL ABOUT EU
RING girls are those permanently smiling lovelies who insert themselves behind victorious boxers when they are being interviewed after the fight.
At least, that’s what they usually do.
But after Chris Eubank Jr’s gob-smacking knockout victory over Turkey’s Avni Yildirim last weekend – which surely established Eubank as our most exciting boxer – dad Chris Eubank Sr shooed away all ring girls who sauntered into shot.
Eubank Sr clearly did not want to see Eubank Jr share his hard-earned limelight with anyone.
Apart from his shy, retiring dad, of course.
IN-OUT-IN
SIR RICHARD BRANSON, 67, hopes Brexit can be reversed by 17.4million people dying of old age.
“The older generation is dying off,” Branson told RTE radio in Ireland.
“I think within five years there will be a government in power in Britain that will ask for a chance to let Britain re-enter.
“Because there are so many young people who will be a little bit older by then, and so many of the older grandparents who voted for Brexit will have died off. I think that Britain will become part of Europe again.”
But we will ALWAYS be part of Europe – just as Norway and Switzerland, the two most prosperous nations on the continent, are part of Europe but not part of the stinking EU.
Here’s a thought, Sir Richard.
Why don’t you leave the future of this country to those of us who actually live here?
WE'RE MADE OF BETTER STUFF
SALLY JONES, the so-called White Widow of Islamic State, was killed in a drone strike as she fled the collapsing ISIS caliphate in Raqqa.
Jones was a prominent cheerleader for Islamist terror, an inveterate recruiter for ISIS, and her death would be a cause for grim satisfaction if not for the fact that her 12-year-old son, Jojo, was apparently killed with her.
And while ISIS may rejoice in the killing of children, we are made of better stuff.
When Jones left her home in Chatham, Kent, to join ISIS in 2013, she took her son with her. Jojo was eight years old and had no say in the matter.
But if he is dead, it wasn’t that American drone that killed him. It was his wicked mother.
AMANDA'S (VERY) LITTLE BLACK DRESS
AFTER causing huge controversy with that décolletage-revealing dress she was almost wearing on the Britain’s Got Talent semi-final, Amanda Holden was taking no chances at the Attitude Awards at London’s Roundhouse.
Keen to avoid any more outraged headlines, Amanda’s Julien Macdonald number was slashed from the right shoulder to the left thigh, slashed again from her right thigh to her silver heels, and left both perfectly toned shoulders as bare as the day she was born.
Inevitably, she looked a little over-dressed.
WE NEED A PM THAT STANDS UP FOR BRITAIN
MY spirits fell through the floor when our Prime Minister refused to say if she would vote for Brexit if we had another referendum.
How can Theresa May be so pathetically half-hearted?
She has turned into David Cameron in kitten heels, shaking her empty begging bowl at the blackmailing bullies of Brussels.
They don’t want a deal, Prime Minister. They want to punish us.
And if you don’t have the bottle to stand up to them, for the sake of our nation please get out of the way and let Boris have a crack.
Penelope's not shy
PENELOPE CRUZ has opened up to Esquire magazine about her attitude towards nudity.
The Spanish beauty feared that posing naked in her first film at the age of 18 might harm her career.
Yet here she is at 43, gracing the cover of Esquire in just a velvet curtain.
Mind you, Penelope says she would be prepared to keep her clothes on in a film if the role really demanded it.
