I wouldn’t trust new Eurocrats to run a whelk stall

JUST when you feel your faith in Brexit flagging, the European Union does something so monumentally stupid that you know we have to get the thing over the line.

Behind closed doors, the EU has just doled out its top jobs to Brussels’ next generation of unelected, unaccountable Ayatollahs.

And the prestige posts are all going to fanatical federalists who believe that Brexit is the devil’s spawn.

Ursula von der Leyen, replacing Jean-Claude Juncker as EU Commission president in November, talks with a straight face about a European Union army defending a United States of Europe. No, really.

Christine Lagarde, replacing Mario Draghi as European Central Bank president, was a proud cheerleader for Project Fear in her role as head of the International Monetary Fund, predicting the UK’s collapse if we dared vote for Brexit.

And Charles Michel, the lame duck Belgium Prime Minister replacing Donald Tusk as EU Council President, has consistently dismissed Brexit as a contemptible little “soap opera”.

Come back, Jean-Claude Drunker — all is forgiven!

I have seen these appointments described as a “huge headache” for the next British Prime Minister.

On the contrary, having an elite of Brexit-bashing, Brit-loathing Eurocrats spitting their federalist poison at us makes leaving the EU inevitable.

Nothing is more likely to finally get us out of the European Union than having a sneering, bossy rabble of democracy-denying nonentities wagging their fingers in our faces.

I wouldn’t trust the EU Ayatollahs to run a whelk stall.

Charles Michel’s major claim to fame is that he became Belgium’s youngest ever PM in 2014, despite his party coming third in the elections.

Christine Lagarde was convicted of criminal negligence in 2016 over a financial scandal in France but spared jail time and allowed to keep her job.

She is the first female head of the European Central Bank and also the first who has no background in economics.

Despite her eight years as head of the IMF, Lagarde is a lawyer and a politician. So best of luck saving the Euro, Christine.

Ursula von der Leyen’s nomination as EU Commission President has provoked outrage in her native Germany, where it is perceived as an undeserved reward for miserable failure.

Frau von der Leyen’s six years as defence minister earned her the reputation as “the worst minister in Germany” and being promoted to President of the EU Commission is seen as getting “kicked upstairs” by her friend, Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Certainly there is nothing on Ursula’s CV to warrant such a promotion.

As defence minister, Frau von der Leyen prioritised creches and flexible working hours for Germany’s armed forces.

Funding shortages became so dire on her watch that on a Nato training exercise in Norway, German troops were obliged to use broomsticks painted black instead of guns.

I don’t fancy her EU army’s chances against the Russians.

But I would bet they have childcare facilities to die for.

Unelected by the people, unaccountable to the people and contemptuous of the people, this next generation of Eurocrats remind us why the British have no future inside this arrogant empire.

Yes, Brexit has been an agony.

But the appointment of the EU’s new Ayatollahs prove that remaining is unthinkable.

Oh Brian, what a waste

BRIAN JONES, the original Rolling Stone, died 50 years ago this week.

“No Jones, no Stones,” said Bill Wyman. “He formed the band. He chose the members. He chose the music we played. He got us gigs.”

But then Brian let Mick and Keith do the heavy lifting, writing songs while he dozed comatose on the studio floor.

So Mick and Keith gave him £100,000 and slung him out. And Brian died in his swimming pool at the age of 27.

Jones practically invented sex and drugs and rock and roll.

And half-a-century on, nobody embodies the danger and dark glamour of that philosophy quite like Brian Jones.
Or the waste.

Kate's ace

DON’T you love the Duchess of Cambridge?

Kate rocked up at Wimbledon this week watching the action out on Court 14 – which has a capacity of just 318.

Kate, above, saw British wildcard entry Harriet Dart, ranked number 182 in the world, get her first win at Wimbledon.

Meanwhile Meghan watched Serena Williams on Court One.

I can’t imagine any Royal apart from Kate watching action on the tournament’s outside courts.

Feud is past its sell-by date

WELL, there goes the Oasis reunion.

I can’t see any reconciliation after the latest spat. Noel’s wife Sara called Liam a “fat t**t”.

Then Liam instructed Noel and Sara’s daughter to tell her “stepmam” to “be very careful”.

Then Noel – the most reasonable, rational Gallagher – was understandably miffed, asking his brother if he was planning on “grabbing my wife by the throat to show her who’s boss” – a dig at Liam’s unpleasant domestic with his girlfriend Debbie.

The Gallaghers should do all this behind closed doors rather than on the public space of social media.

For years their family spats were entertaining. Now they are just nasty, embarrassing and ugly.

MEPs are odious

BREXIT Party MEPs were accused of acting like English football hooligans at the opening of the European Parliament when they turned their backs at, “Ode To Joy”, the EU anthem.

I smiled – I confess – but carrying themselves with quiet dignity would have served their cause better.

Meanwhile, Lib Dem MEPs took selfies of themselves proudly wearing T-shirts that bore the legend “Bollocks to Brexit”.

That’s the great thing about the European Parliament.

Whatever your views, there will always be someone willing to act like an attention-seeking idiot on your behalf.

Phooey in Hong Kong

UNTIL this week, the pro-democracy protests in Hong Kong had been overwhelmingly peaceful.

Then on the 22nd anniversary of the handover to China, protestors kicked in the windows of Hong Kong’s parliament, the Legislative Council – known as LegCo.

Once inside they flew the Union Jack and Hong Kong’s colonial flag and generally vandalised the place.

Nothing is more likely to provoke a Communist backlash.

But why were the police waiting so patiently outside? And were those men flying the Union Jack really pro-democracy students?

It stank of a set-up.

“Conspiracy theories abound,” I am told by someone in Hong Kong.

“But the overwhelming likelihood is that storming LegCo was an unforced error by the students that has cost them the high moral ground.”

Shame.

Those millions of peaceful, freedom-loving kids were doing so well.

Beeb-ginning of the end

FOR the first time in ten years, sales of TV licences have fallen – down 37,000 to 25,927,000 – as more viewers ditch the BBC for Netflix, other streaming services and the infinite joys of the internet.

The BBC has been horribly served by its current bosses.

They have turned a beloved national treasure into a bloated, widely despised, cash-happy monolith.

Handing out an extra £10million to its laughably overpaid “stars” – most of them shockingly ordinary talking heads – while at the same time ditching the free licence for over-75s was terminally, suicidally dumb.

History will show this was the beginning of the end for the compulsory licence fee.

You can't unsee it

AFTER a leak by civil servants claiming that Jeremy Corbyn is far too frail in body and mind to be Prime Minister, Jezza has made it his business to look all hale and hearty.

As Labour chiefs furiously demanded an inquiry into the leak, Jezza, 70, was photographed manfully riding his bike through the sunny streets of Islington.