Jose Mourinho has the world smouldering around him like Batman’s nemesis The Joker
Manchester United manager has been in the spotlight for many reasons so far this season
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WHEN Michael Caine — as Bruce Wayne’s butler Alfred — delivers his killer line in The Dark Knight, he is talking about Batman’s nemesis The Joker.
But he might as well have been describing Jose Mourinho.
“Some men aren’t looking for anything logical like money,” says Alfred, “they can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with.
“Some men just want to watch the world burn.”
The Joker is a psychotic anarchist mastermind, describing himself as “an agent of chaos”.
He is easily distinguishable from Manchester United’s manager, if only because he wears a permanent smile on his face.
But as Mourinho scowls his way back to Stamford Bridge on Saturday, the world seems to be smouldering around him.
From the civil war with Paul Pogba, to the belittling of his central defenders, to the tedious dark conspiracy theories about a media ‘manhunt’, to allegedly swearing down a TV camera at Paul Scholes and Rio Ferdinand, for which he has been charged by the FA, Mourinho is not a man to be reasoned with.
And it is not as if he is going to receive any love from the Chelsea faithful on Saturday, either.
No other manager in the history of English football has won Premier League titles at a club and then returned to the sound of dog’s abuse.
Not even George Graham when he went back to Arsenal with Tottenham.
Everyone knew Graham was still a Gunners man with the club emblem built into his patio.
But Mourinho, 55, who has won three of Chelsea’s six titles, will doubtless get both barrels.
He’ll get ‘Judas’. He’ll get, ‘You’re not special any more’.
He’ll get his own ‘Specialist in failure’ jibe rammed back down his throat.
After an FA Cup defeat at the Bridge last year, Mourinho countered: “Until the moment they have a manager that wins four Premier Leagues for them, then Judas is still No 1.”
It was a nice line but still rather tragic.
There’s a grand tradition of English football crowds saluting returning heroes.
It shows that there remains some human decency.
And, especially in his first spell at Chelsea, Mourinho really was something special.
Even with owner Roman Abramovich’s vast wealth, it was no mean feat to immediately take down both Arsenal’s Invincibles and Sir Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United and win back-to-back titles in 2005 and 2006. Chelsea conceded fewer than 0.5 goals per game and never lost at home during that two-year stretch.
They were not the most attractive team ever to decorate the Premier League — but they were certainly one of the best.
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Petr Cech with a record 24 clean sheets in a season, John Terry and Ricardo Carvalho an immense central-defensive partnership, Arjen Robben and Damien Duff as inverted wingers, Didier Drogba a glorious bully and Frank Lampard transformed from West Ham ‘fat boy’ into Ballon d’Or runner-up.
A charismatic young Mourinho built all that. He used to make teams into something greater than the sum of their parts.
Now at United, he signs world-class players and often makes them look ordinary.
It is deeply sad that the older, sulking Mourinho won’t be recognised for his former glories — largely through his own ill grace and descent into darkness.
The second time around, Mourinho’s Chelsea only really glistened briefly — during the first half of the 2014-15 title campaign — when Eden Hazard ended up Footballer of the Year.
But the relationship between Hazard and Mourinho soon broke down in acrimony.
First the Eva Carneiro fall-out, then a toxicity which ended with the manager slaughtering the Belgian’s attitude after a defeat at Leicester, days before he was axed over genuine relegation fears and ‘palpable discord’ with his players.
So it was interesting to hear Hazard speaking about his desire to work with Mourinho again as he accepted partial responsibility for Chelsea’s 2015 meltdown, having reported for pre-season out of shape.
Some suggest Hazard is merely eyeing the prospect of a reunion with Mourinho at Real Madrid further down the track, but he sounded genuine and is not a Machiavellian character.
Most Chelsea supporters had backed Mourinho to the bitter end, with Hazard and others players labelled as ‘rats’.
Yet that goodwill has all been lost with Mourinho becoming an emotional pyromaniac during his unhappy United reign — which is limping towards its inevitable third-season conclusion.
Hollywood producers are probably imagining the biopic.
Jack Nicholson as a brooding Mourinho, in a dimly-lit room, silently fuming as he contemplates taking over Gotham City’s new MLS franchise.
No painted smile, just smoke slowly creeping beneath his darkened door — and the world ablaze outside.
Best, that's Bull
ENGLAND’S thrilling win in Spain was a true landmark display by Gareth Southgate’s side.
The first half was a triumph for the manager’s forward-thinking vision; the second half the epitome of old-fashioned John Bull ballsiness.
Yet the greatest England win of the 21st Century, as some claim?
No, hammering Germany 5-1 in a World Cup qualifier in Munich in 2001 remains untouched, while the 2002 World Cup win over Argentina and the penalty shootout success against Colombia this summer were more significant.
Coming from 2-0 down in Berlin to defeat Germany’s world champs in 2016 was special. As was beating Argentina 3-2 in Geneva in 2005 with a Michael Owen brace and destroying Croatia in 2008 with Theo Walcott’s hat-trick.
A little perspective is nice. Not everything that happens this week has to be rated as the absolute greatest.
Up for Lewis
IN Austin, Texas, on Sunday Lewis Hamilton could seal his fifth world Formula One title.
That would bring him level with the legendary Juan Manuel Fangio and second only to Michael Schumacher in his sport’s history.
Yet somehow Hamilton struggles to be recognised for what he is — one of Britain’s greatest ever sportsmen.
Maybe it’s that motorsports tend to be followed by a different group of people to general sport-lovers.
Maybe it’s the exaggerated importance of machine over man in modern F1.
Maybe it is Hamilton’s residence in Monaco’s tax haven.
Or perhaps it is because Hamilton dares to speak up on the lack of diversity in his sport — a situation unaffected by his own brilliance.
Hamilton is still the only black man ever to compete in F1.
Pretty soon, he’ll be recognised as the best driver of all time.
Genius Gazza
WHEN the Scottish Football Hall of Fame withdrew their invitation for the induction of Paul Gascoigne, the old midfield maestro would have been well within his rights to berate their unfeeling attitude towards his mental health issues.
Instead, Gazza res- ponded by tweeting ‘no hard feelings’ and a video clip of his classic goal against the Auld Enemy at Euro 96.
The message was clear: ‘I was a genius whether or not I’m on your meaningless list’.
And while we’re at it, why can’t British sport just do away with the Americanised idea of ‘Halls of Fame’?
A lost Kos...
WHEN the Scottish Football Hall of Fame withdrew their invitation for the induction of Paul Gascoigne, the old midfield maestro would have been well within his rights to berate their unfeeling attitude towards his mental health issues.
Instead, Gazza res- ponded by tweeting ‘no hard feelings’ and a video clip of his classic goal against the Auld Enemy at Euro 96.
The message was clear: ‘I was a genius whether or not I’m on your meaningless list’.
And while we’re at it, why can’t British sport just do away with the Americanised idea of ‘Halls of Fame’?