France v Iceland Euro 2016 LIVE blog: Hosts take on England’s conquerors for a place in semi-final

SURELY Iceland can’t pull off another shock, can they?

It was one thing to beat a shambolic England team, but imagine if they were to knock the hosts out of their own tournament and reach the semi-finals.

France will be hoping the fairytale comes to an end tonight, and you can follow all the action with GRAHAM WRAY.

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10.03: That’s all from us tonight. Join us back here Wednesday evening for more live Euro 2016 semi-final action. Goodnight!

 

10.00: On a joyful night for France, I’m afraid I have some rather sad news. It appears ITV pundit Ryan Giggs’ eyebrows are still missing. We’re told Europol have mounted a huge search and rescue operation. More details as we get them

9.55: As for France, they looked majestic didn’t they? They now progress to a mouthwatering heavyweight semi-final against Germany on Thursday night. Bring it on!

 

9.54: Joking aside, what a heroic performance that was from Iceland. They were outclassed but never let their heads drop for one second. They’ve lit up this tournament and gained millions of new admirers. Let’s hear it one last time – ‘Huh!’

 

Bjork, Magnus Magnusson, Orca the Whale, Kerry Katona, Peter Andre, Double Layer King Prawn Ring – your boys took a hell of a beating!

FULL TIME: FRANCE 5 ICELAND 2

 

9.49: We’re into two added minutes. Come on Iceland, bag us another!

 

9.45: Tell you what, with five minutes to go, Iceland haven’t given this up! Mangala is forced into a last gasp clearance from under his own crossbar. From the resulting corner, Ingason climbs high to plant a header a yard wide. This lot just don’t know when they’re beat!

 

Iceland continue to show commendable spirit. This time Skulason crosses superbly from the right and there’s Bjarnason to thwack a downward header past the despairing dive of Lloris.

GOOOAAAALLLL!!! FRANCE 5 ICELAND 2. It’s on! The comeback is on! Six minutes to get four more!

 

9.41: That whirring noise you can hear is Iceland’s Stannah Stairlift winching 73 year old Eidur Gudjohnsen off the bench.

 

9.38: Now it’s time for Payet to have a breather as he’s replaced by Kingsley Coman. Coman Son!

 

Yeah but he’s no Tom Cleverley is he, United fans?

 

9.33: Umtiti gets himself booked for a tug on Gunnarsson. 15 minutes for Iceland to notch five and make the world instantly forget how useless England were.

 

9.31: With that semi-final against Germany in mind, France take off Koscielny who’s in danger of a suspension should he get another yellow. The Arsenal man is replaced by Mangala

 

9.27: No matter how bad it gets for Iceland tonight, at least they haven’t got a bloke called Hodgsson

 

9.25: SAVE! Wowzers. This is a brilliant stop from Lloris. Ingasson has a free header six yards out. He gives it the full gun, battering it goalwards but the keeper makes a stunning one-handed stop to turn it over. Iceland still believe!

 

9.23: Giroud’s reward is to be immediately substituted for Andre-Pierre Gignac. A wise move with the Germans lying in wait on Thursday night.

 

It’s a trademark free kick from Payet that causes havoc in the Iceland box. Giroud is alert to it though and beats his man to plonk a header past the keeper.

GOOOAAAALLLLL!!!! FRANCE 5 ICELAND 1

 

Gylfi Sigurdsson plays in an exquisite low cross for Sigthorsson to poke home from six yards out. Triffic stuff.

And now they’ve really got something to cheer! GOOOAAAALL!! FRANCE 4 ICELAND 1. THE GREATEST EVER EURO COMEBACK IS ON!!

9.13: Must say, the Icelandic fans have been mightily impressive. 4-0 down and getting a seeing-to but they haven’t stopped ‘Huh’ing all night

 

9.08: France look like they’re keen to beat their previous biggest Euros win (a 5-0 doing of Belgium) as they’re straight into their stride with Payet creaming a half volley over the bar.

 

9.05: Iceland made a couple of half time changes and bought a couple of fresh geysers (sorry) on. Ingason and Finnbogasson replaced Bodvarsson and Arnason. Go on Son!

 

9.03: PEEEEP! We’re underway again. So Iceland. Have you had enough or do you want some more?

 

Man alive, why couldn’t England do this? As daft as it sounds, I still believe if we hadn’t conceded an immediate equaliser and collectively filled our shorts, we would have gone on to do what France have done. But we never felt the benefit of that early goal and weren’t allowed to relax. That said, France would have annihilated us, wouldn’t they?

 

 

 

HALF TIME: FRANCE 4 ICELAND 0. Well, the French made hard work of that. It took them 12 minutes to get the opener! Rubbish!

 

Griezmann is played through on goal, he storms into the box and dinks the cutest of cute finishes over the advancing keeper. Game well and truly over.

OOOH LA LA! GOOOAAAALLLLL!!!! FRANCE 4 ICELAND 0

 

It’s a delicious passing movement that tees up Payet to smash a low left foot drive into the far corner. Majestic!

GOOOAAALLLLLLL!!! FRANCE 3 ICELAND 0

 

8.40: France are looking very much in control. Plenty of patient possession as they force Iceland to chase the ball. Then they go quickly through the gears, putting together more neat little triangles than a Dairylea factory before Matuidi shanks his volley wide

 

8.36: Glenn Hoddle’s really going to town with his audition for England manager. Alright Glenn, we all know you understand tactics but give it a rest, eh?

8.32: Paul Pogba is starting to show his true capabilities. He’s just scampered back and pulled off a brilliant slide-tackle. He’s got everything, hasn’t he? Including a ludicrous haircut.

 

8.30: It’s been a good response from Iceland. They haven’t let the two goals knock their confidence and still look an almighty threat from set-pieces. The next goal is absolutely crucial. If Iceland can bag it, we’ve got a real game on our hands.

 

8.27: I know it’s childish but every time I hear Glenn Hoddle say Umtiti, I can’t help hearing ‘Bum-titty’. Apologies.

 

8.25: Iceland nearly hit back with the old long throw in routine! It’s a near replica of the equaliser against England but this time Bodvarsson latches onto the flick on but can’t keep his stabbed finish down and it flies inches over.

 

8.24: Twenty two minutes gone and Iceland have got a mountain, a volcano and a couple of geysers to climb. This could be a long night for them

 

8.21: It’s an oh-so simple inswinging corner that meets the head of Paul Pogba who rises majestically to thunder a header into the far corner. Are you Andy Carroll in disguise?

GOOOOAAALLL!!! FRANCE 2 ICELAND 0

 

8.17: Thankfully ITV co-commentator Glenn Hoddle is being drowned out by plenty of lusty ‘Huh’ chants from the Iceland fans. Don’t even think about trying it at Selhurst Park next year.

 

8.16: In a repeat of the England game, Iceland immediately force a throw-in in a dangerous position. They chuck it in the box but unlike England, the French defenders don’t dissolve or lose their man, instead they simply head it clear. See, Roy. That’s how it’s done

 

France with the early breakthrough! (Cheryl) Matuidi plays a delightful through ball that Olivier Giroud latches onto and batters first time through the legs of the keeper. Class finish

GOOOOAAAALLLL!!!! FRANCE 1 ICELAND 0

 

8.11: Sorry to bang on about it but I still can’t quite believe it’s Iceland and not England playing France tonight. If only all our players hadn’t completely soiled their pants in that final 70 minutes.

 

8.09: Ooh la la! France have clicked into gear. First Payet forces the keeper into a save with a long range strike then Sissoko whips in an evil skiddy cross that the video director does brilliantly to come out and claim cleanly.

 

8.06: It’s a confident start from Iceland with Sigurdsson having the first strike of the night but it’s straight down Lloris’s yap. Five minutes gone and no score. England were one nil up by this stage. Call yourself contenders, France? Pah!

 

8.04: Early throw-in for Iceland who take France by surprise by taking it short instead of hurling it into the box. Somewhere back in England, Tony Pulis is throwing his shoes at the telly. Chuck it in the mixer, lad!

 

8.01: PEEEEP!! France get us underway, in blue shirts and socks, red socks. Iceland all in white

 

7.58: What are your score predictions? Surely this is a bridge too far for Iceland. For that reason I’m going for a narrow 2-1 win to France.

 

7.55: Right-o, here come the teams, striding out into pouring rain. If Iceland’s strikers are on their game, this could be a long and uncomfortable night for French debutant Umtiti. In fact, if they play to their strengths they could make him look a right…..idiot.

 

7.52: Got to say, I love that big heavy clap thing the Iceland fans do. But if I see anyone trying it at a Premier League match next season, I want them ejected and banned for life. Nuff said.

 

7.49: You’ve probably heard that Iceland keeper Hannes Halldorsson directed the video for Iceland’s 2012 Eurovision entry. But did you know which nation gave the song nul points? Yep, France. Four years is a long time to wait for revenge but what a stage to do it on!

 

7.45: Anyone else had enough of that ‘crazy’ Icelandic commentator? It’s time we locked him in a room with Garth Crooks and Phil Neville. See how excitable he is after that.

 

 

7.39: FACT ME AGAIN BIG BOY! All six of Iceland’s goals at Euro 2016 have been scored by different players.

 

7.38: FACT ME! Iceland have only lost once in their last 10 competitive matches (W5, D4).

 

7.36: Actually, it’s a shame Franck Ribery isn’t here because Gary Neville does a great impression of him. The Neviller just stares into the back of a spoon. The reflection’s uncanny.

 

7.34: FACT ME! Yohan Cabaye was voted the Sexiest French Footballer by a gay magazine. I wonder where Franck Ribery came in that poll?

 

7.31: Here’s another gobsmacker. On the four previous occasions France were eliminated in the quarter-finals of a major tournament, the team who beat them went on to lift the trophy. That was Italy and Germany at the 1938 and 2014 World Cups, and Greece and Spain at Euro 2004 and 2012. Are you thinking what we’re thinking?

 

7.29: STATS AMAZING! France have allowed their opponents a total of just three shots on target at Euro 2016 – fewer than any other side. Two of those were penalties scored by Romania and the Republic of Ireland.

 

7.25 BREAKING NEWS: ITV PUNDIT RYAN GIGGS’ EYEBROWS STILL MISSING! MORE AS WE GET IT

 

 

7.15: The last two encounters have also ended in 3-2 wins for the French. Mind you, that’s when Iceland were more like Darlington. These days, they’re a wee bit more tasty.

 

7.13: If you’re having a little flutter, here’s your need to know…France are unbeaten in 11 previous matches with Iceland, winning eight of those games. While Iceland have lost all six of their matches away to France, scoring five goals and conceding 22. So ‘ave a bang on that!

 

 

ICELAND: Halldorsson, Saevarsson, R Sigurdsson, Gudmundsson, Bjarnason, Sigthorsson, G Sigurdsson, Arnason, Bodvarsson, Gunnarsson, Skulason

 

7.04: As for Iceland, they’re unchanged for the FIFTH game in a row. In other words, Sameagainsson

 

FRANCE: Lloris, Sagna, Koscielny, Umtiti, Evra, Pogba, Matuidi, Sissoko, Griezmann, Payet, Giroud

7.01 BREAKING TEAM NEWS: France make two changes with suspended Rami and Kante replaced by Newcastle’s Moussa Sissoko and Lyon defender Samuel Umtiti who makes his international debut. Gulp!

 

 

 

6.45: No two ways about it, these Iceland players have been brilliant. In fact, according to rumours, Arsene Wenger is keen on signing one or two of them. We’ve heard he’s put a £10m bid in for Tikitakasson and Fannyaboutsson. While Tony Pulis fancies Onmeheadsson and Rori Delapsson

 

6.36: Yes, as a fellow windswept outcrop of rock floating about off the European mainland, we surely have to side with Iceland tonight, don’t we? Besides, if our Nordic conquerors win this thing it means we can claim we were beaten by the European Champions. COME ON ICELAND!!

 

6.34: Evenin’ all! Welcome to live coverage of what promises to be an absolute humdinger of a quarter final. It’s France v Iceland and tonight Matthew, I’m going to be Graham Wraysson because, let’s face it, we’re all Icelandic now