Men reveal what they think about porn — and one says it ‘nearly ruined my life’
MANY Brits will be surprised to learn that the Government are cracking down on adult material on the internet, however not everyone will see this as a bad thing.
Of course the porn block has been met with differing opinions as porn proves to be as controversial as ever. Here, four men open up about their feelings about explicit material.
‘Porn has numbed our imaginations’
ANDY Jones, 35, is a journalist and lives in Birmingham.
“It’s surprisingly tough trying to ejaculate on command for the NHS. I’m not sure if it was because of the harsh strip lighting, but my sperm testing was a lonely experience.
"It made me realise that without the warmth of another body next to me or overtly sexual images in front of me, it’s a struggle to get it up.
"I realised I hadn’t just relied on my imagination for over a decade. But with sex everywhere, when do you ever get to – or need to – just imagine it?
"By my early teens I’d seen jazz mags and porn videos, but the first time I really noticed porn was all around was when I went on my first lads’ holiday to Magaluf aged 18.
"The TVs in the hotel had adult channels and we decided it would be a laugh to play it in the background while we were getting ready. It was a ‘manly’ thing to do and none of us wanted to appear ‘gay’ by turning it off.
Without the warmth of another body next to me or overtly sexual images in front of me, it’s a struggle to get it up.
Andy Jones
"I was hardly complaining, though – the women on screen were near enough the only naked ladies I’d ever seen up to that point.
"Throughout my early 20s, I felt that men were practically expected to watch porn. It seemed as though every TV show featured it: from Alan Partridge in his travel tavern to Charlotte’s husband’s bathroom stash in Sex And The City.
"By 24, I was in a long-term relationship that lasted nine years. As I began having regular sex, my urge to look at porn daily decreased, but I still indulged in hotel rooms when abroad on trips.
"A decade on and having been with my current girlfriend for over a year, I began to worry that my age might mean my best baby-fathering days could be behind me.
"I decided to get checked out by a doctor to see if my sperm was healthy in case we wanted to start trying for children one day.
"It was in that NHS side room that I realised I’d been numbed by porn. There wasn’t any Wi-Fi so I couldn’t do any sexy online surfing, and my imagination alone just wasn’t able to get me there.
"I eventually managed to do the deed, but on the way home the experience really got me thinking. While porn can help improve fantasies, it can also cement a hard ceiling on top by leaving nothing to the imagination.
"Now, three months on from my hospital experience, I still reflect on the impact that porn use has had on me.
"I’m old enough to remember lust before the internet – at age 14, I’d flick through lingerie catalogues. Back then we still had to join the dots and use our minds.
"However, now we’ve got the never-ending pornography super-highway to do it all for us. But where does it stop?
"I’ve decided porn isn’t for me any more. If I’m lucky enough to have a baby one day, I’m not sure I’d want to have boobs and bums pop up on my Insta feed while putting the kids to bed.
"That’s why my days alone with a screen of pink-flashing images are finally over.”
‘Women in mainstream porn enjoy their jobs’
EDEN Cullen, 29, is a musician from north London.
“I can’t pinpoint exactly when I started watching porn as a near-daily habit, but it’s not just a sex thing, it also helps me deal with stress.
"It’s probably the same reason women use vibrators: it’s easy, enjoyable and helps you go to sleep after a long day.
"However, while there seems to be a sex-positive movement with women and the LGBTQ+ community these days, saying you like sex as a bloke feels seedy.
"It’s unfair that society is teaching women it’s woke to masturbate and watch porn, but when men do, it’s grubby. Why is men’s desire gross and women’s empowering?
"I was introduced to porn when I was 13 by friends who brought a DVD to my house. We were curious and thought it was a bit of a laugh as we watched it in my room.
"It was at uni that I started watching it more regularly. I had a girlfriend at the time, but she was at a different college so we didn’t see each other often.
"Instead, I relied on porn to meet my sexual needs in her absence. I felt that if I couldn’t have sex, I wanted to get as close to the real thing as possible, and I figured a quick fix was far better than sleeping with someone else behind my girlfriend’s back.
It’s unfair that society is teaching women it’s woke to masturbate and watch porn, but when men do, it’s grubby. Why is men’s desire gross and women’s empowering?
Eden Cullen
"Although we split up while I was still at uni, I’ve had several relationships since – the longest being three years – and none of my girlfriends have been uncomfortable about porn.
"I’ve been single for the last year or so, and now I watch porn almost every day at home. The type of content I go for usually involves a man and a woman, although I do sometimes watch girl-on-girl.
"I prefer to watch real-looking women, too, rather than someone with an over-produced Hollywood look.
"I talk about porn with mates, but more in the context of whether we’ve seen a certain series rather than specific details.
"If I’m honest, I don’t worry too as much about how women in porn are treated – at least not in the ‘normal’ content I watch.
"I’m aware there’s degrading stuff out there where women are at risk, but I’d absolutely never watch that.
"As far as I’m concerned, women in mainstream porn are there through choice, paid better than male porn stars and typically enjoy their job.
"I can’t deny that there are negative impacts such as the unrealistic expectations that some men have of women. But if you view it as only fantasy, then porn is safe.”
‘As a dad, it scares me’
ORLANDO, 48, is a carpenter from south London and lives with his wife and two kids, aged 12 and 14.
“The other day my 14-year-old son asked me about bondage. I tried to be honest, but it made me realise how accessible sex has become to young people thanks to smartphones and social media.
"From sex selfies to belfies, everyone is taking explicit pictures and talking about sex like never before. It feels like teens now create their own porn as if it’s nothing, which really scares me.
"Today, pornography seems a world away from when my mates and I used to pass nudey magazines around as teens. I still look at it online at times, but since becoming a father, it really isn’t a priority for me any more and I only watch it a few times a year.
"When my wife and I became parents in 2005, we promised we’d always be honest with our kids if they asked us about sex or porn.
"But while we want to be open with them, we’re also careful and make sure we have parental controls on the internet.
"Of course, porn is unavoidable these days and even if I tell them they can’t watch it until they’re 18, it doesn’t mean they will listen to me.
"Thankfully, I don’t think they have been exposed to anything too shocking so far, although when my son asked about bondage I was taken aback.
"I have no idea where he’d heard about it. I explained it was a fetish, but then he asked what that meant and, suddenly, I was trying to explain that some people like to dress up as babies or have sex in superhero costumes.
"While moments like that are quite funny, I do worry about how much sex is out there, especially in terms of the different types available to watch these days.
"Even as your kids get older, they’re still your children and you can’t help but worry that one of their future boyfriends or girlfriends might have expectations of them as a result of something extreme they’ve seen in porn, such as violence or completely unrealistic body images.
"Or will it be my kids that watch it and think it’s normal? It’s a fine line and I’d hate to stop my children seeking my advice because I’d been too controlling.
"Part of me thinks that because sex is everywhere now, maybe the next generation will become indifferent to porn. There are studies that show that young people are having less intercourse than the generation before them, so maybe it’s already happening.
"I’m not embarrassed about the porn I watch, but I only watch things that would happen within a normal sex life.
Part of me thinks that because sex is everywhere now, maybe the next generation will become indifferent to porn.
Orlando
"I don’t watch it with my wife, who I’ve been with for 20 years, but she knows I do it and just thinks it’s funny.
"Some people might be ashamed to say they watch it, but I think there’s still a place for it. A few couples watch it together to help their marriage.
"On the other hand, it can destroy a relationship. For me, it can never compete with real life and love. It’s just a bit of fun that gives me the same buzz as adult mags did all those years ago.”
‘Porn almost ruined my life when i was a teenager’
DREW Wyllie, 23, is a writer from Essex.
“Wired up to a machine with an elastic band around my penis and a weird hat on my head to measure my brainwaves, I watched one porn scenario after another for a BBC documentary I was taking part in.
"From big-boobed girls fondling each other to straight sex, it was an experiment to examine young people’s reactions to porn. My first experiences with pornography when I was younger made me question my sexuality.
"Aged 12, I was already being picked on, then when I had pictures of big-breasted blonde girls thrust under my nose by my peers when we were getting ready for PE, I didn’t have the same: ‘Phwoar, look at that!’ reaction they did.
"As a result, they called me gay, but I barely knew what it meant – I just hadn’t worked out what I did like.
";Upset, I tried my best to tick the alpha male box by making my voice sound deeper and forcing myself to watch blokey porn.
"But the doubts made me miserable for a lot of my teens. I decided to watch different types of porn – from spanking and BDSM to men dominating men – to see what turned me on.
"If I watched gay porn, I’d feel guilty and masturbate to a straight video afterwards. It gave me a harmful relationship with porn and I felt ashamed that I wasn’t ‘normal’.
"No teenager should learn about sex through pornography as it’s not a true depiction, but in school, sex ed was just putting a condom on banana. I wish I’d been taught about desire and sexuality.
"While porn creates unrealistic expectations about women, the same is true for men. It tells you all men get super-hard straight away and they need to behave aggressively.
No teenager should learn about sex through pornography as it’s not a true depiction.
Drew Wyllie
"I hated that. It was only after I took part in a BBC3 documentary called Porn Laid Bare in 2018 that I realised it wasn’t true.
"Six of us were sent to Spain to learn about the porn industry. The shoots were never like my experience of sex – there was little intimacy, it was mechanical and filming meant several takes.
"For the show I had a sexual arousal test to see what type of porn I liked and none of the obvious stuff fitted my tastes.
"Since then I’ve started watching more arty porn films, which are cool and different, and the actors look like they actually want each other.
MOST READ IN SUN MEN
"I’ve also become more relaxed about my masculinity and now consider myself sexually fluid – I date girls but sometimes sleep with guys.
"I’m so glad I took part in the show, as I wanted other young men to realise you aren’t straight or gay just because you watch one porn film, and it’s OK to like different things from your mates.
"When I got messages from boys who had watched the doc saying they had gone through a similar thing, I knew it had been worth it. The more men are able to come forward and talk about their experience of porn, the better.”
- Hair & make-up: Aimee Adams
- Styling: Salome Munuo