HULL OF A SQUEEZE
I went on my first cruise and was blown away by the food and service… and even visited five exotic new countries
This cruise offers you the chance to tick off some seldom-trod Central American nations
“WE wondered if you’d like to come to our cabin later for afternoon tea?”
I paused over my French toast, my brain quickly trying to recall if “afternoon tea” was a racy cruise code of some kind.
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Susan and Bill, who’d dined next to me almost every day on our trip around Central America, waited expectantly.
Being a cruise virgin, I wasn’t sure what I was letting myself in for.
But I was conscious of the fact that I would need a cruise veteran’s perspective on our bucket list Panama Canal voyage in order to give The Sun’s readers the full picture.
So I accepted — and picking their brains did, indeed, pay off.
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Our ship, Holland America line’s 936ft, 86,000-ton Eurodam only just squeezed into the canal’s 110-year-old locks — with a mind-blowing gap of just ONE FOOT either side.
With the crew’s resident experts, Chris and Erica, giving a continuous commentary peppered with facts and anecdotes over the PA system for the duration of the 51-mile transition from Caribbean to Pacific, it was a stunning highlight of the two-week trip.
As Susan and Bill were quick to point out, many cruise ships are too big to fit through the older but visually stunning Gatun Locks that we had traversed.
They have to use the newer, MUCH larger Agua Clara Locks “which is boring as hell and no spectacle”, Bill wisely advised.
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So their top tip is: if you book a Panama Canal cruise, check the size of the ship.
Our cruise made six stops either side of the canal, and a wide variety of excursions were laid on at each one as you’d expect.
I tried the adults-only Virgin Voyages cruise with 2am pizza parlours, rooftop bars and karaoke sessions-I tried the adults-only Virgin Voyages cruise with 2am pizza shops & rooftop bar
The day before each stop, an informative talk was given in one of the ship’s many bars to share advice for passengers who were feeling adventurous and exploring on their own.
Which is what I’d opted for in our first port of call — Cartagena in Colombia.
The colourful streets and squares of the old town were Instagram heaven in the early morning sun, while trendy bars and restaurants await if you’re lucky to be there in the evening.
Then in Costa Rica, I trekked along a cloud forest trail with an expert guide pointing out hummingbirds, coatis and butterflies the size of plates.
And in Guatemala, I went on a strenuous hike to see the active Pacaya volcano, which last erupted in 2021.
Up above the clouds, a world away from the sun-baked deck of Eurodam, the lava’s brutal path was still eerily evident.
Then it was on to two stops in Mexico.
In Huatulco I kicked back on the beach, with a dip in the sea and look around local shops, while in Puerto Vallarta a guide took a group of us cruisers on a fascinating tour of the old town before a marathon Tequila-tasting session (when in Mexico, after all).
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When the ship finally docked in San Diego, it was time for me to say goodbye.
And I was feeling envious that most of my fellow cruisers were staying on for an extra week, up to Seattle.
I’d started out on the trip with a little trepidation — I’ve never loved boats, I get bored easily and I knew I’d be a lot younger than most of the guests.
Yes, we had a handful of interesting stops planned, but would I go stir crazy during those long days at sea?
Instead, unexpectedly, I relaxed for once.
Trapped on the ship, I lapped up the sun, read books and watched dolphins somersaulting in the ocean.
I played bingo, went to cocktail classes and made friends with warm-hearted American cruisers (more of the “afternoon tea” later).
It was a pace of life much different to the one I was used to — but because I was stuck on board, I had to relax into it (and boy, did I sleep well).
Margarita in hand
My verandah cabin was wonderfully comfortable and clean, with a balcony looking out over the ocean, a well stocked mini-bar, lots of wardrobe storage and a TV with scores of films.
The housekeeping staff visited twice daily, ceaselessly cheerful and helpful.
And they were typical of the crew right across the vessel — from the barman who learnt to tell exactly when I felt like switching from beer to Old Fashioneds, to the waiter who remembered how I liked my eggs in the morning.
The service was above first class.
That, the food and the entertainment, were the reasons most often cited by cruisers for returning to Holland America time and again.
And there were many, many people on board who were returning customers.
To be clear, the cruise line has a pretty mature demographic. So the entertainment, activities and excursions are mostly geared that way.
There is nowhere to party all night on Holland America’s ships (just the slot machines if you’re that way inclined).
That said, the all-inclusive nature of cruise life, and friendliness of the passengers, still means it’s easy to have a good time — even at my (relatively) young age.
The food was excellent, with plenty of variety in the main inclusive restaurants.
The three “premium” restaurants on board — Italian, steak and pan-Asian — are each also worth a visit and the extra charge.
If you’re the kind of person who needs internet access, the wifi packages are not cheap — to stream content, rather than just text and read the news, you’re looking at $45 a day) and connection can be glitchy.
But after a few days at sea, being gently rocked by the Pacific, sun beating down, margarita in hand . . . who cares about a glitchy wifi connection?
Certainly not Susan and Bill.
“Afternoon tea” turned out to be champagne and hors d’oeuvres in their impressive suite, mobile phones very much absent.
“Stew, shall we turn on the hot tub?!” Susan shrieked as she opened bottle number two.
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There was only one answer.
After all, I was a cruise veteran now.
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GO: Panama Canal Cruise
GETTING THERE: Jetblue flies from Heathrow to Fort Lauderdale via Boston or New York from around £500 each way and from San Diego to Heathrow via New York from around £300 each way.
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SAILING THERE: A Panama Canal cruise, leaving from Fort Lauderdale costs from £3,599pp, Verandah cabin like Stewart’s from £4,319pp.
See or call 0344 338 8607.
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