From Glasto to Latitude – we guess your age based on the festival you attend this summer
From flower garland headbands at V Festival to posh cheese at The Big Feastival - we've got every festival age covered
THE festival is a rite of passage for almost every Brit these days - from a warm box of Strongbow and a pop-up tent at your first music weekend, to fine tuning the experience with a box of rosé wine and camping chairs a few years on.
Most festival organisers will say their events are open to everyone and anyone, but there’s no doubt that some events are more definitely aimed more at certain age brackets.
A big clue is when you start being outraged about the next generation’s hemlines/behaviour/language/choice of music - that's when it’s time to move on.
From Camp Bestival for the mums and dads to Coachella for the Instagram-mad twenty-somethings, here's our tongue-in-cheek guide to the best festies, whatever your age.
In your teens
Radio 1's Big Weekend
The McBusted of festivals; trying hard to be cool but mostly quite sweet.
This features all of the Radio One favourites and is perfect for first timers.
Plus no camping means mum and dad will be happy the offspring can’t get into too much trouble.
Creamfields
EDM chaos covered in floral headbands and fake tan, and powered by cans of Relentless (way cheaper than Red Bull).
These festival goers have dressed for Ibiza, even if the weather is not playing ball.
The makes it a brilliant (if eye-opening) introduction to the world of dance music.
V Festival
Another good ‘gateway’with lots of people opting for day tickets and getting picked up by their big sis at the end of the night.
Serious glam is the dress code here (expect longer queues for the GHD and glitter stations than any of the tents).
While some of the headliners are often seen as credible music acts, many of the other performers cater for the pure pop crowd - expect plenty of ex-X Factor contestants.
Leeds / Reading
We’re listing these as parties for teens as serious stamina is required for both.
Bank holiday fun with rocking crowds that love band T-shirts and cider. And take moshing VERY seriously.
Lots of eye liner, lots of vomit and lots of urine thrown at the stage, so if you don't fancy getting covered in wee then stand a bit further back.
In your twenty-somethings
Benicassim
As a twenty-something it’s time to spread those wings and include some travel in the summer party plans.
First stop: for a weekend in Barcelona…to see absolutely none of Barcelona!
But you will see some of the world’s best bands and a seriously good-looking crowd.
It's too hard to care much about the dress code here, so a T-shirt and shorts is the typical uniform for both guys and girls.
Coachella
A that very much reflects its LA-centric crowd: beautiful, neat, image-obsessed, polite but vacant, sober and often a bit dull.
It's one for the twenty-something festival goer who can actually afford the pricey plane tickets, the accommodation, the entry ticket and the OTT festival clothes that make you look like an extra from a Hollywood movie about Woodstock.
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The big shock for every Brit comes when they learn that they can only consume booze in designated drinking pens - frankly we're amazed anyone from the UK goes twice.
It’s actually the after-parties where all the action happens, but unless you know a Kardashian or a Delevingne you’ll probably have to just watch those on Instagram
Lovebox
A that used to be super cool but let too many youngsters in and is now famous for everyone peaking too soon (usually at sunset on Friday) and doing copious amounts of laughing gas.
Expect to see every single festival clothing item from the high street on show here throughout the weekend.
The organisers still sign up excellent acts, with even the smaller stages offering back-to-back star performances from across the musical genres, but half of the action takes place during the stringent entry checks.
Wireless
An urban that pulls superstar names every summer.
Expect a lively, London-centric crowd in tight tops, short skirts and snapbacks (which – handily – are instant anti-ageing devices for any oldies wanting to sneak in on the sly).
For the thirty-somethings
Bestival
The perfect opportunity for stressed thirty-somethings to indulge their inner child and dress up in their shimmering, festival best thanks to the annual fancy dress theme, which is taken really rather seriously.
Grown-up bars and lots of after-party options at with far more food and booze options than the younger festivals.
You know you're getting older when the festival operates a restaurant with table bookings - and it's sold out by Friday.
Latitude
A so chilled that they have sheep pottering around the crowd.
Definitely one for the grown-up hipsters thanks to cold-press hangover shots, far-out forest parties and avant-garde theatre and cabaret events.
Do you have a trilby and a vintage shirt? You'll fit right in.
Wilderness
While "eating is cheating" and "go hard or go home" may be the teen party mantras, here the focus is absolutely on wellness and food.
There are pop-up restaurants from some of the world’s best chefs and more yoga classes than DJ sets on .
The designer fashion brand Mulberry hosted a picnic here with supermodels and Hollywood stars in 2014, which says it all really.
In your forties and beyond*
*Yes we are lumping everyone post 40 into the same bracket, because, let’s face it; four days of field living definitely loses its appeal after the fifth decade.
Camp Bestival
For those who have decided to breed, but still know how to have fun in a field goddammit.
Festivals ARE fun but we know they can also be hard work (even without kids) and aims to make the family experience as pain-free as possible with an avalanche of activities.
Also, plenty of posh wine to quaff (even though it's in a plastic cup) and street food vans.
Burning Man
A place to "find yourself" after spending the last couple of decades trying to shake it off.
Going off the grid in the Nevada desert for ONE WHOLE WEEK means that to be here guests have either committed to being full-time crusties, or have big money as a camper van is necessary.
The Mad Max-style outfits you wear are just as important as the music - and they need to be shown off at every opportunity on Instagram.
The Big Feastival
If the Big Feastival was a shop, it would be a John Lewis store. About as middle class as you can get.
A for all the family, featuring food, fairgrounds, food, a farm park, a bit of music and a lot more food.
Expect demos and celebrity chef spots as well as craft cocktails and plenty of ways to keep the kids – young and old - entertained.
Hunter wellies, battered panama hats and Barbour jackets a plenty here.
And the one for EVERY age
Glastonbury
A playground for young and old, rich and poor, hipsters and hippies, Kanye and Corbyn…
This immense festival welcomes everyone, and the melting pot that is makes it one of the most magical places in the world, whatever your DOB.
The first Glastonbury visit involves lots of cans of cider, plenty of time at the Pyramid Stage and a tent in the middle of the action in one of the main camping fields.
The more seasoned festival goers still consume plenty of cider, but they've also hired a camper van for the weekend so they can cook most of their food and they'll spend as little time as possible near the Pyramid Stage - apart from during the Sunday afternoon Legends slot.
