ASHLEY'S PAIN
I felt I had to have sex straight after giving birth, says Ashley James as she lifts lid on health battle
Ashley’s career is now going from strength to strength, just like her relationship with Tom
SHE is tipped for a starring role on the This Morning sofa having wowed viewers with forthright opinions on misogyny and sex.
And former reality star Ashley James has shown how much fans can relate to her — by sharing intimate personal battles to help others.
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Ashley always makes it clear that no subject is off-limits.
Now the presenter has bravely revealed she went through eight months of anguish following the birth of her son, Alfie, now three — because she could not make love with her partner, advertising executive Tom Andrews.
Ashley, 37, who is also mum to Ada, one, said: “I had this kind of caveman expectation of Tommy.
“You know, ‘Man needs sex.’ And six months went by, seven months, eight months, and sometimes I would try, and then he’d be like, ‘Oh my God, are you crying?’.
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“I would say, ‘It just really hurts’. “He was like, ‘Oh my God, I don’t want to hurt you’.
“It was the first time it dawned on me that men aren’t just these dudes demanding sex.”
With typical frankness, she reveals her first experience of childbirth caused a number of “mortifying” health issues including incontinence and pain.
On the Made By Mammas podcast, Ashley explains how her pain was caused by a condition called vaginismus, which affects many women.
It was caused by the trauma of childbirth, and she went to see a private pelvic health physio.
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She said: “Basically, all your muscles stiffen up and you can’t control it, but it’s so simple to fix.
"All she did was a couple of massages and it was like healed.”
This Morning’s Ashley James and Cat Deeley leads the glam at the National TV Awards 2024 as the stars hit the red carpet
‘I blamed myself’
Ashley’s career is now going from strength to strength, just like her relationship with Tom.
Last week we revealed she is screen- testing to be a host on This Morning and has already filmed with several male presenters as producers attempt to turn around a ratings slump.
The influencer is already a regular commentator on the ITV show.
She recently impressed when she took OnlyFans star Bonnie Blue to task for bragging about sleeping with “barely legal, 18-year-olds”.
Ashley’s condemnation of the sex worker, 25, for targeting teens and encouraging misogynistic views was applauded by viewers, with one commenting: “I’m so glad Ashley is pulling this woman up.”
It also got the programme back into the headlines for the right reasons following the departure of scandal-hit co-hosts Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield.
However, Ashley’s spikey exchange with Blue was clearly not only driven by her desire to win a permanent place on the This Morning sofa.
For she revealed on the podcast she had been assaulted by a friend at university — and later wrongly blamed herself.
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She said: “I was hypersexualised as a 14-year-old girl, but made to feel like that was my problem.
“What that did is, when I was at university, something happened without my consent, which I have never really talked about yet.
“I blamed myself because I was like, ‘That was my fault because of my outfit, because I was drunk, because I put myself in that situation’ — and I didn’t tell anyone.
“I blamed myself and the worst thing is, because I was such a people pleaser, I even wanted that person to still like me and be my friend.
"What we now know is, the more you tell young girls, ‘Don’t dress like that, your skirt’s too short’, what we’re doing is saying, ‘It’s up to you that men are going to sexualize your body, so you have to dress accordingly’.
“Ultimately, we know that men will murder women, whether they are dressed appropriately or not, whether they take the right journey home or not, whether they get a taxi, whether they walk through the park.
There is no difference between a man and a woman’s sexual appetite, apart from the fact that, socially, men are allowed to be sexual beings and women aren’t
Ashley James
“It doesn’t matter how we dress or what we do or whether we are drunk or not. It doesn’t and shouldn’t matter because actually we should be saying to boys, ‘You shouldn’t sexually objectify women, you shouldn’t be ogling at women’.”
Ashley argues that women have the same sexual appetite as men — but historically they just weren’t allowed to express it.
On the female libido, she said: “Back in the day, there was this idea that because men had testosterone, they were more sexually active than women — and that men can’t help it if they have casual sex or cheat on their wives.
“But now we know, because research is more advanced, actually there is no difference between a man and a woman’s sexual appetite, apart from the fact that, socially, men are allowed to be sexual beings and women aren’t.
“So what was really interesting is they did all these different studies where they would, in some cases, ask men and women questions about their sex lives and whether they masturbate and all of those things, knowing that other people would find out. Then they did it again, asking people but saying this is completely confidential.
“Women were the same, they were as sexual as men are.
“If you’re constantly telling women, ‘Don’t be a s**t, men don’t like women who do this, be wifey material’, and all of those narratives we are told from a young age, it makes us feel like we are men’s property and we should be pure.”
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‘Trolling really upset me’
Ashley’s forthright views are proving a breath of fresh air on This Morning and she has a background many viewers can relate to.
Despite coming to public attention on the fourth series of Made In Chelsea in 2012 — the E4 show about privileged young Londoners — Ashley was living off her overdraft and putting on a posh accent.
She was raised in a “small town in the North East” by parents she describes as “very Geordie” and got her first taste of the showbiz industry when she did some work experience at Radio Cumbria aged 16.
Ashley appeared on Celebrity Big Brother in 2018 before becoming a DJ with gigs at top clubs such as London’s Ministry of Sound.
In recent years she has been best known as a “mum influencer”, although Ashley considers the term “derogatory” and says it has led to online abuse.
The trolling got so out of control last year that malicious followers reported her to social services for allegedly neglecting her children.
The false accusation, which was unfounded and promptly dismissed, was that she had drunk too much at a party.
Speaking on the Gentle Start podcast, Ashley said: “I was reported to social services for neglect, and it all came back to this online anonymous gossip website.
“It really upset me. Like I said to the social worker, I know how loved my children are and I know that I’m such a good mum.
“That’s one thing that I have never doubted.”
Incredibly, just a few years ago Ashley had no interest in settling down or having children.
She had been single for six years and was living her best “Carrie Bradshaw life”, when she reconnected with Tom on a dating app in 2019 having first met him at work a decade earlier.
The couple now share a house in London with their two children.
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But Ashley is in no hurry to get hitched, explaining: “Long story short, I don’t like marriage.
“If I choose you every day, I am with you because you make me happy.”
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