Get the beards in, lads – it is like a silent companion so just let the wild reclaim your face

Al Murray

Published: 23:16, 4 Jun 2020

LOCKDOWN may have produced some bonkers barnets – but it’s also seen a growth in bushy and barmy BEARDS.

Usually clean-shaven celebs have ditched the razor and embraced the fuzz while they’ve been stuck at home.

Al Murray, whose facial furniture now resembles a man who has been trapped on an island for several years, writes on the joy of whiskers

And none more so than Al Murray, whose facial furniture now resembles a man who has been trapped on an island for several years.

Here, the Pub Landlord comedian writes on the joy of whiskers – while we spotlight other celebrities whose own facial creations are fur-ly impressive as well.

MAYBE it’s because everyone thinks I’m bald. Maybe it’s because I have to shave my head for work when I go on tour as the Pub Landlord.

Maybe it’s because it makes me look so different, but because we are locked down, next to no one has seen it. Except Darren, the greengrocer on the High Road — hello mate!

But this beard and head of hair I have grown during lockdown is totally magnificent, and by far the best you will ever see. I will confess I’ve grabbed my chance here. I was due to be going on tour in March, and in the run-up to the tour I don’t shave my head and grow a beard as a last bit of defiance, a last chance to be “me” before I have to become the Guv’nor.

So I was well under way with some face fuzz and about a half inch of hair. Then came lockdown and I decided immediately that this was my chance to let my follicles do their thing, and grow this magnificent beard and head of hair.

The Pub Landlord says having a beard is like a silent companion'

Grow a beard like mine and you will be in the hallowed company of the hairy. Abraham Lincoln. Captain Caveman. Brian Blessed. Vikings. The Beatles when they were at their coolest. Most of the goodies in Game Of Thrones. Zach Galifianakis. Hagrid. Tom Hanks in Castaway. Everyone in the Bible.

Because we aren’t talking some trimmed goatee or twirled moustache, waxed, coiffed, trimmed and sculpted beard here. We are talking about facial hair gone wild, unstyled, untouched by comb, unsullied by product, free of the whims of style or fashion. The follicles filling their boots.

This is the ultimate essence of taking an idea and running with it, growing the one part of you that still grows — watch it, you mucky lot — and seeing where it ends up. A magical mystery tour, with your face leading the way. So grow one, and now.

If you’re one of those men who says: “Ah no, it comes out all patchy, I can’t really grow one,” I say simply that patience is a virtue. Wait long enough and the wild will reclaim your face. And a beard like this, the full Biblical bush, is like a silent companion, as well as a surprisingly effective extra layer of insulation.

When needing to appear wise, you can stroke the beard meaningfully, as well as snack on stray food particles which may have lodged in it.

Try it if you dare . . . and connect with your inner caveman.