Montana Brown reveals secret depression battle over ‘guilt’ of Love Island friend Mike Thalassitis’ death

DROWNING in grief after the shock suicide of her close friend Mike Thalassitis, Montana Brown remembers typing into Google: “Can your heart physically break?”

Wracked with guilt over not being able to “save” her Love Island co-star, Montana sunk into a deep depression.

As she hit rock-bottom, the 25-year-old admits she was unable to eat or get out of bed, and hid from worried friends.

In an exclusive interview with The Sun, Montana has bravely opened up about her secret depression battle during Mental Health Awareness week.

“Losing Mike was the trigger,” she says.

“I used to wake up and feel like my heart was aching because I was so unbelievably sad.

“Losing someone to suicide is up there with one of the worst ways to lose somebody because you are always left with the feeling you could have saved them in some way.

“I felt so guilty. He had messaged me a couple of days before and I hadn’t responded, thinking I’d ring him at the weekend.

“I kept thinking ‘what if I could have saved him’.

“It sends an earthquake through you.”

Mike, 26, was tragically found dead in a park in March 2019.

He had fought against mental health struggles after leaving Love Island, but had appeared in brighter spirits before his death.

Mike had confided in Montana about his depression battle and she’d been a source of constant support as he relied on anti-depressants and therapy for help.

Despite doing everything she could to look after the 26-year-old, his death rocked heartbroken Montana.

“I ostracised myself from everybody,” she says.

“I didn’t want anyone’s help. I wanted to be sad and to cry and to be upset about it.

“I wasn’t able to eat at all, which was very difficult because I just constantly felt exhausted.

“I was in a bad spot of not feeling motivated to do anything.

“I knew what I was doing was self-inflicted. I didn’t want to go to the gym or get fresh air or talk to my friends about how I was feeling. I wanted to stay in bed and not do anything.”

Despite never suffering suicidal thoughts, Montana struggled with her depression battle “for a few months”.

When she felt ready, the reality star found the strength to help herself by reading The Magic by Rhonda Byrne.

“When Mike was depressed I’d ordered that book for him,” said Montana.

“At the time I hadn’t read it myself, but a mutual friend had recommended it.

“It was so weird that I went in a full circle. I was so engaged in this book and it gave me such a shift in my mindset.

“I was stuck thinking ‘why has this happened, it’s so unfair, I’m never going to get over this’.

“I was all very ‘me, me, me’. I kept replaying moments in my head that weren’t helping me move forward.

“The book helped me change my thinking cycle. I had to start thinking about all the things I do have in my life, rather than what I don’t.

“That was the first step towards healing, accepting, being self-aware and learning how to move on.

“I knew I needed to get better. I needed to pull myself out of this.

“I knew I couldn’t wallow in sadness anymore. I can’t bring him back but I can help other people be happier and improve their mental wellbeing.”

Montana – who owns sustainable swimwear brand – added: “Now I can look back [on my depression] and I am grateful for that journey.

“It has given me an insight into what some people deal with every days.

“Mine was only for a few months and I was able to get myself out of it, but for some people it’s an ongoing battle they have to do deal with for the rest of their lives.

“So many people were affected by losing Mike, even if they didn’t know him personally.

“It is so tragic that such a handsome, amazing person was crippled with unhappiness.

“His death haunted people and it was a big wake up call. Mental health doesn’t discriminate and it has helped open up conversations.”

• If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 16123.