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FANCY A QUICKIE?

Lightning-fast TV romps – from 5 SECOND Peaky Blinders bonk to Tom Hiddleston’s infamously short Night Manager fling

IT was a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it romp that left Peaky Blinders viewers cringing. 

Gina - played by The Queen’s Gambit star Anya Taylor-Joy - enjoyed a very quick quickie with Mosley in the BBC gangster crime drama

Peaky Blinders' Gina and Mosley enjoyed a superspeedy romp
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Peaky Blinders' Gina and Mosley enjoyed a superspeedy rompCredit: BBC

One viewer posted on social media: "He came faster than a speeding bullet."

Another winced: "GINA AND MOSLEY GINA AND MOSLEY. Oh my eyes, my eyes."

But how does that sex scene compare with others?

We timed some of the most famous to see which TV hook-ups were epic love stories... and which, erm, lacked drama. 

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5 seconds: Peaky Blinders

Gina and Mosley share a knowing look in Peaky Blinders
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Gina and Mosley share a knowing look in Peaky BlindersCredit: BBC

Fans might still be getting over the shock of Gina bedding Mosley as part of a plan to get information, but the real surprise was just how brief their liaison was. 

In fact, Gina’s bed-hopping was more of a sprint at a super-speedy five seconds. 

Of course, we did interrupt midway through, so let’s just assume Mosley was at it for a while - otherwise we reckon Gina won't be dropping by again. 

11 seconds: Bridgerton 

Bridgerton got pulses races within the first few minutes with Anthony's knee-trembler
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Bridgerton got pulses races within the first few minutes with Anthony's knee-tremblerCredit: LIAM DANIEL/NETFLIX

When the first series of racy period drama Bridgerton began, viewers were all a-flutter when, less than three minutes in, they were treated to the first of many sex scenes. 

Anthony Bridgerton enjoyed a knee-trembler up against a tree while his footman kept a look out.

Actor Jonathan Bailey probably spent more time getting foundation applied to his bum than he did in flagrante. 

Being as how he was al-fresco and conscious of passing carriages, we’ll forgive Anthony for his rather fast performance.

25 seconds: Chloe

The Crown's Erin Doherty didn't waste time getting into bed in BBC drama Chloe
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The Crown's Erin Doherty didn't waste time getting into bed in BBC drama ChloeCredit: BBC

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that a show created by Sex Education writer Alice Seabright would contain some romping - but fans were still shocked that the first full-on sex scene came in the first 10 minutes of BBC drama, Chloe. 

Becky, played by The Crown’s Erin Doherty, got steamy between the sheets with an American man called Brandon who she had just met.

One viewer tweeted: “Crikey! Already!” Which is probably what Becky was thinking after just 25 seconds of pleasure. 

45 seconds: Sex/Life

Cooper's attention is on the football, which is why this TV romp finishes before the whistle
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Cooper's attention is on the football, which is why this TV romp finishes before the whistleCredit: NETFLIX

Sex mad Billie is bored with her suburban life with her perfect husband, Cooper, and just wants him to “f*** her brains out” once in a while. 

In Netflix's Sex/Life, she seduces him while he’s trying to watch American football, which was never going to end well. 

And it didn’t. Less than a minute of moaning and groaning and it all ends in an anticlimax - literally - along with an apology from Brad.

45 seconds: Pam & Tommy

Pam & Tommy is the story of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee's sex tape
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Pam & Tommy is the story of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee's sex tapeCredit: Disneyplus

They famously made a sex tape so it’s no surprise that this fictionalised look at Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee’s life together has a few raunchy moments. 

After getting hitched, Tommy - played by Sebastian Stan - hangs a “Please service” hotel door hanger from his manhood and he and Pammy (Lily James) consummate their marriage with food and champagne flying, and on a balcony. 

It wasn’t this scene in the Disneyplus series that got viewers talking though - that came earlier when Tommy had a full on conversation with his talking penis. 

51 seconds: The Night Manager

Tom Hiddleston achieved lasting fame for his sex scene in The Night Manager
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Tom Hiddleston achieved lasting fame for his sex scene in The Night ManagerCredit: BBC Handout

The image of Tom Hiddleston’s bare butt is seared into our minds, right ladies? 

It was one of the most sensational TV moments of 2016, even coining the hashtag #Hiddlesbum. 

But, while many of us were getting hot under the collar as Tom’s character, Jonathan Pine, hitched gangster’s moll Jedd up against the wall, some were ridiculing his lack of stamina. 

As our in-depth research shows, Tom’s performance was as much of a bum note after all. 

58 seconds: A Very British Scandal

Claire Foy stars in A Very British Scandal about the Duke and Duchess of Argyll's divorce
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Claire Foy stars in A Very British Scandal about the Duke and Duchess of Argyll's divorceCredit: BBC

Ian Campbell, 11th Duke of Argyll (Paul Bettany) claimed his wife, Margaret, notched up 88 lovers during their marriage - and within the first half hour of the BBC drama, Margaret - played by Claire Foy - had got off to a flying start. 

She notched up nearly a minute with a man she seduced at a party, in a far more racy scene than the following ones with her husband-to-be, which lasted just a few seconds each. 

She might have had quickies in her marriage, but their famous divorce was a much more prolonged affair.

2 minutes: Bodyguard

Richard Madden's character took his role as a Bodyguard a little too literally
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Richard Madden's character took his role as a Bodyguard a little too literallyCredit: BBC Press Handout

Hurray, we’ve found one lasting more than 60 seconds. 

The 2018 mini-series Bodyguard, by Line of Duty writer Jed Mercurio, saw Home Secretary Julia Montague (Keeley Hawes) and her protection officer David Budd (Richard Madden) finally give into temptation when they found themselves alone in her hotel room. 

Best line? Julia tells Budd: “I’m not the queen. You can touch me, you know.”

And so he did, for two dramatic, passionate minutes. 

3 minutes, 51 seconds: 365 Days

The Polish film 365 Days has been dubbed "porn" for its graphic sex scenes
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The Polish film 365 Days has been dubbed "porn" for its graphic sex scenesCredit: netflix

This Polish film - also called 365 DNI - came in for a lot of criticism for fetishising kidnapping. 

It featured BDSM, voyeurism and multiple kinky sex scenes. 

As one viewer said: “Honestly how Netflix approved that pornographic film called 365 DNI is beyond me. Ten minutes and my eyes.”

The sex marathon came towards the end of the film between Laura and her kidnapper and included a Kama Sutra’s worth of positions on board a luxury yacht.

It was so raunchy many fans questioned whether the actors were actually having sex. 

4 minutes, 40 seconds: Normal People

Normal People's Marianne and Connell send temperatures soaring
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Normal People's Marianne and Connell send temperatures soaringCredit: bbc

In total, this coming-of-age love story gifted us 41 minutes of sex scenes, putting it third in a league of telly sex scenes in 2020. 

In episode 5, Marianne and Connell’s lengthy liaison - which featured full frontal male nudity - made headlines in Ireland for being the longest sex scene ever shown on TV there. 

In the story, by Sally Rooney, the pair of teenage sweethearts get back together in college after weeks of sexual tension, and boy do they make up for lost time. 

7 minutes, four seconds: I Hate Suzie

Former Doctor Who actress Billie Piper didn't need a sonic screwdriver for her sex scene
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Former Doctor Who actress Billie Piper didn't need a sonic screwdriver for her sex sceneCredit: sky atlantic

And the award for longest sex scene goes to … Billie Piper in her Sky Atlantic series.

This time there was no one else involved to cut proceedings short.

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In fact, Billie earned the honour for the longest solo sex scene ever shown on British TV as her character pleasured herself for nearly 10 minutes while fantasising about men and a woman.

Well, as the saying goes, if you want a job done right...

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