Davina McCall reveals her turmoil over failing to visit her estranged mother on her death bed
TV presenter opened up about the complex relationship she had with her mother on The Jonathan Ross Show
DAVINA McCall agonised over whether to see her estranged mother one last time before she died - before deciding not to.
The TV presenter had a complex relationship with her mum Florence, and the pair became estranged when Davina was 30.
Speaking on The Jonathan Ross Show on Saturday night, the 48-year-old opened up about why she had decided not to see her mother one final time.
She said: "It was a big [decision] and it was really one I agonised over.
"She was in South Africa so geographically it was a flight not just getting in the car and driving round.
"Friends of mine said ‘Do you think you might want to go and make peace?’ and I said 'I’ve been trying to make peace my entire life.'
"I tried to make peace year after year after year, and either she sold a story, or she just asked for money, and I kept thinking to myself ‘Are you fooling yourself?’ but I thought 'I don’t want to go'. "
Davina then recalled a moment she had while lying in bed in the dark one night a few days before Florence passed away.
She said: "I knew she was very sick and I just lay there and said 'I forgive you', in my head, and felt like that was enough.
"I came to a point where I forgave her, and she knew I had always loved her as I kept trying to go to her for…something."
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When her mother died, Davina was with her late half-sister Caroline Brady, and the pair hugged each other close upon hearing the news.
She added: "I said to her ‘how do you feel?’ and she said ‘I feel OK’ and I said ‘I feel OK,'.
"Isn’t that awful? to leave this world and for your children to not feel a massive upheaval when you go."
Davina - who broke down in tears when speaking about Caroline's death on This Morning earlier this week - also spoke about her childhood with her mother, who was an alcoholic.
She said: “I had such an odd relationship with my mother and I hope this book goes some way to help people understand it.
“I loved her, she was the most exciting, beautiful, glamorous, amazing woman but she was also an alcoholic and an addict and she was really confusing and also very exciting.”
Davina, a mother-of-three herself, explained how she never quite knew how to behave around her mum, and that she was incapable of mothering, but she would still try and get her to do motherly things without much success.
She added: “It left me yearning for more all the time.
“I was so confused as I didn’t know how to be around her but I worshipped her and I know she loved me too but just not in a conventional way.”
Her honesty impressed hordes of viewers, with one writing on Twitter: “@ThisisDavina I really have a girl crush on you. You are a wonderful person. You are definitely someone to admire.”
Another wrote: “You were beautiful on #Jonathan Ross tonight. Honest, classy, strong, eloquent and real. #bada**”.
In fact, Davina’s admissions about the complex relationship with her mother had one viewer welling up.
They wrote: “@ThisisDavina’s interview with Jonathan Ross has me in tears…She’s so honest but handles it with humour when Id’ cry. I love her!!!”.
Another fan added: “How refreshing, how open and honest Davina McCall is #Jonathan Ross.”