Sky News host and former Apprentice winner Michelle Dewberry opens up about her battle with depression and how her ‘guardian angel’ helped her
Businesswoman Michelle urges anyone suffering from depression or mental health problems to ask for help
TV host Michelle Dewberry has sensationally revealed her mum saved her from the brink of suicide after a battle with depression.
The Apprentice winner told how she made the decision to end her life after “years and years of unhappiness”.
Businesswoman Michelle, 37, said a showdown with mum Glynis, 62, who she describes as her “guardian angel”, stopped her from killing herself back in 2012.
In an exclusive interview, Michelle told The Sun on Sunday: “I had made the decision to end my own life. I thought of scenarios of how I might end it.
“I even thought about what would have to happen to everything I owned after I died. I didn’t want to go on.
“It was my mum’s intervention that saved my life.
“She was my rock, my guardian angel.
“It was a talk with her that made me realise that I had depression. I was very lucky.”
Single Michelle, who presents Sky News’ The Pledge, said she asked medics to voluntarily section her after her mum’s intervention.
She spent months going to weekly doctors’ appointments and was prescribed antidepressants.
Hull-born Michelle, who has managed to stave off depression by throwing herself into charity work, said: “Up to this point I’ve felt quite embarrassed about talking about wanting to kill myself.
“But I hope it will help people realise it’s important to talk about suicidal thoughts.”
Michelle hit the headlines by winning the second series of BBC’s The Apprentice in 2006, securing a £100,000 job with Alan Sugar.
But despite her friendly and bubbly appearance on the show, Michelle was battling her own problems.
As a child, she shared a three- bedroom terraced council house with her five siblings — Fiona, Karl, Clair, Marc and Paul — and suffered a difficult upbringing at the hands of dad Dave, a valve salesman.
Michelle has not seen him since she was 18.
She said: “My life has always been full of challenges.
“My dad was very abusive during my childhood, both mentally and physically.
I’ve never got over losing my sister
Michelle on sister's death
“He was a very angry and aggressive person with my mum and his children. I’ve got very scary memories.”
In a further blow, Michelle was 17 when her sister Fiona died after falling from the eighth floor of a tower block in Hull aged 19, a moment she described as “a turning point”.
She said: “I have never got over losing her. I think about her every day. It is with me all the time.
“For years I channelled my sadness into my ambitions.
“I wanted to prove to people that I could bounce back from anything, that I was tough.
“I piled lots of pressure on myself.
“I wanted to make sure I had an extraordinary life to make sure I made up for the loss of her life.
“I wanted to have the holidays she couldn’t have, have the success in business she could not have.
“The pressure became too much but I didn’t realise it. I was like a machine, always trying to go one better. But it was eating away at me.
“First I wanted to buy a house, I wanted security.
I didn’t want to carry on with life
Michelle on her battle with depression
“I also wanted nice, material things and would work ridiculously long weeks trying to better myself. Nothing was ever enough.
“What I didn’t know was how depressed I was.”
In 2012, she bought her own home in Clapham, South West London, and started working as a presenter of Sky News’ panel show with former FA chairman Greg Dyke.
But despite her career success, she still struggled with depression.
She said: “People might have seen me happy on TV but behind it all I was deeply unhappy.
“You can be successful, attractive and have everything going for you.
“Many people will think, ‘What have you got to be sad about?’
“I would get in the car after work on Sky News and just burst into floods of tears. It would boil up inside me.
“I didn’t think I was depressed. I thought it was just normal. I would go to spa days with friends. I should have been thinking, ‘What a life I’ve got, sitting in a spa on a week day’ but instead I just felt very low. Depression was a constant.
“I had everything — lots of friends, a lovely house, good job, successful career and a wonderful family.
“But from the moment I woke up I felt sad. I was thinking, What is wrong with me?’ That made it harder for me to talk to anyone about it.”
It was in the summer of 2012 that things came to a head for Michelle.
She said: “I was in a position where I was really, really sad for a long time and I didn’t want to carry on with life and wanted to die.
“I didn’t talk to anyone because I didn’t realise I had an issue.
“I didn’t just wake up one morning and think, This is the day I commit suicide.’
I was desperately unhappy. I just knew I wanted to end my own life.
It got to the point when I thought, ‘I can’t carry on like this.’ I knew it was not right. I thought I was a burden, I was in deep pain. I was desperate. The thought of ending my life was constant for months.
“So one day I just knew I had to go round to my mum’s in Hull and I told her I was on the edge of killing myself. She was devastated.
“I burst into tears, It was very emotional.
“She said, ‘I’m going to make sure you get some help.’
“I told her I was very unhappy and very distressed. It was my mum’s intervention that saved me.”
The following day, Michelle was taken to the doctor’s by her friend to discuss the suicidal thoughts.
She said: “I got in there and told the doctor I needed to be sectioned.
“I thought that was what was best for me. The doctor made me realise I was depressed and had been for years.
“They gave me antidepressants, appointments with a therapist and regular doctor appointments.
“There is a difference between being sad and depression. You do not have control of the depression.
Sadness is a result of your circumstances. Depression is despite your circumstance.
“Depression does not discriminate and can get hold of anyone, even if you were as happy as me.”
Michelle, who was treated for skin cancer on her nose in 2014, split with her broker boyfriend Anthony, 32, last year.
She mentors people with depression and said work with The Prince’s Trust, The Sun and Women’s Aid Give Me Shelter campaign, and Comic Relief, also helped her beat her illness.
She said: “I am not suicidal now and that is thanks to the charity work and talking about how I feel.
“The most important thing is having people around you who do not dismiss what is an illness as ‘someone being a bit sad’.
“There is a stigma about mental health that needs to end now.
“If you are suffering, I would beg you to ask for help too.
“I know my loved ones being there for me is the reason I’m still here. Especially my mum.”
Do you need help?
Contact The Samaritans on 116 123 or visit .
PAPYRUS HOPELineUK also provides confidential suicide prevention advice and support to young people and others worried about them tel 0800 068 4141 text 07786 209 697 email pat@papyrus-uk.org.