Britain’s rudest comic Micky Flanagan shares insights into his one-track mind on sex and WILLIES ahead of his new show Thinking Aloud
The most obscene and outrageous star in the country speaks ahead of the launch of his hilarious Sky 1 series
MICKY Flanagan has just asked me if I have ever been spanked.
Now he is telling his director to leave the room and suggesting we have an orgy.
“I just wish we were all having sex right now, to be honest”, he says. “No, I really do. Mike can go.”
It’s not quite what I was expecting on a warm spring afternoon when I arrived at the classy Charlotte Street Hotel in central London to interview one of the UK’s biggest-selling stand-up comedians.
But within moments of meeting him I realise I am not just face-to-face with any old comic . . . I am speaking to the most obscene and outrageous star in the country.
During our 40-minute chat Micky asks if I’m into penis puppetry, recalls the moment a female wrestler got on top of him and wails as if he is being flogged in the bedroom.
The East Londoner is in a chipper mood, sitting opposite me in a casual pair of jeans and a checked shirt ahead of the launch of his hilarious Sky 1 series Thinking Aloud.
I'd like to have it again... just not as hard. I'd prefer a gentle flogging
Micky on SPANKING
Micky’s TV credits include Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats, Room 101, Have I Got News for You and Live at the Apollo.
His award-winning Back In The Game notched up 129 shows, becoming the biggest-selling stand-up tour and DVD of 2013.
And next month he will be on the road again. But while his stand-up routine is far from PC, today’s conversation is positively X-rated.
Micky gets down to business with the topic of spanking while Mike, the director of his Sky 1 show, his agent and publicists watch nervously.
Pretending to brandish a whip while making a whooshing sound, he says: “Being spanked was something I’ve always wanted to do. There’s not a man out there who doesn’t think, ‘I wonder if I’m a secret spankee?’
“If you had a boyfriend, you’d want to be spanked. I like to explore things — I wanted to know how it felt to be hit hard on the bottom.
Why is it offensive? A tiny little thing flapping around causes uproar
Micky on WILLIES
“Spanking is everywhere at the moment. Everybody just wants to be spanked — and yeah, I did it.
“I would do it again but not as hard. I’d like a gentle flogging.
“We all have our parameters. I think everyone should try spanking.”
But he has one crucial piece of advice to give me on the topic.
He adds: “If you do like it then try not to be too loud. We live in such a small city with very thin walls.
“If you’re trying to watch The One Show you don’t want to hear, ‘F***ing hell! Easy!’”
The comic, who has son Max, ten, with wife Cathy, is speaking about S&M after learning how to be submissive for his new TV series.
Thinking Aloud explores the topics that keep him up at night, including class, midlife crises . . . and spanking.
During his travels he meets plus-size strippers, gets a roll-on tan and is surrounded by beautiful young women at a Mr World contest in Southport, Merseyside.
But when it comes to getting spanked, will he able to switch from his usual dominant role between the sheets and become the underdog?
He says: “In the bedroom I wear a suit of armour and I’ve normally got a horse. I charge at the woman.
“It’s sort of jousting. I don’t think she knows I’m coming. Then I sail on to the next one. I thought for once it would be nice to be the one who is slightly worried.”
MOST READ IN BIZARRE
Micky is not ashamed to reveal his views — and body — as he strips down to a pair of tiny pants to meet a group of bodybuilders.
And he thinks more people should accept male genitals for what they are.
He says: “The penis is found to be quite offensive. It shouldn’t be. In TV and films it can cause uproar. This tiny little thing flapping around — really?
“Do you think we are ever going to see an erect penis on the BBC? I think it will be on The One Show. It’s definitely going to be.”
I get armour, a horse and charge at the woman... like jousting
Micky on MAKING LOVE
Micky does his bit to destroy the taboo surrounding todgers when he meets a man with a little penis (it’s “five inches with a good wind”).
He also goes to Las Vegas and watches the infamous Puppetry Of The Penis show.
He says: “Two guys make different shapes with their penises.
“One of them put a picture of Kim Kardashian down there. Then one of them made it look like E.T. and put a torch on it. People were offended by it in a city where almost everything is open — prostitution, 24-hour gambling, no doubt easy to get drugs . . . but a penis? How appalling.”
After leaving school at 14 with no qualifications, Micky worked on building sites, set up a furniture repair company and dabbled with painting and decorating before becoming a full-time comic.
He describes himself as a “solid working-class man.” So it may come as a surprise that he is now Lord Micky Flanagan of Hougun Manor after buying the title.
He reveals: “I behaved as though I was a lord for the day.
“I went to a lawnmower museum. And then we had a street party and people got to meet me. I opened a toilet as well.
I'd get rid of Christmas (because it's s**t) and working on Mondays
Micky on BEING PM
“I tried to put myself in a position where everyone is fawning around you. It was fantastic.”
The series also looks at politics as Micky comes face-to-face with “the very difficult” Nigel Farage.
He says: “He has bodyguards round the clock making sure he doesn’t drink himself to death.
“I’m really worried he might drop a cigarette in bed.” But Micky hopes to follow in Farage’s footsteps by running to be an MP.
He reveals: “I would entertain the idea of getting into some position where I can change things.
“I just have to be very careful as I know I will go straight to the top.
“I would get rid of Christmas because it’s s**t. And working on Mondays I would outlaw.”
After a bit of a debate over my love of Christmas, we end with a handshake — despite the orgy that was on offer at the start.
Maybe next time. . .