Lydia Bright reveals she had so little confidence she was desperate for a boob job and how James ‘Arg’ Argent helped her believe she ‘deserved happiness’
LYDIA Bright was plagued by feelings in inadequacy and body insecurities during her teens and first few years on The Only Way Is Essex.
As she shares extracts of her book Live, Laugh, Love with The Sun Online, Lydia, 27, revealed that she resented her “pigeon chest” so much growing up that she asked her parents to pay for her to have a boob job.
Lydia writes: “Growing up in Essex I couldn’t escape curves, big boobs were all the rage. Page 3 seemed to be every schoolboy’s obsession and lads’ mags like FHM and Loaded screamed the message: ‘All men love big boobs!’
"By the time I was approaching my 16th birthday I’d had enough of my pigeon chest, so I sat down my parents in the kitchen, took a deep breath and made the announcement.
“‘Mum and Dad, I want a boob job for my 16th birthday present,’ I said. The room was momentarily silent as Mum and Dad locked worried eyes.
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“‘Lydia, darling…’ my mum began, as Dad grunted and walked out of the room, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation.”
The Essex star’s mum Debbie talked her out of cosmetic surgery, which just two years later was something she was grateful for.
She says: “By the time I reached 18 I was content with my flatter chest and had stopped with the boob job fantasies. None of the top fashion models I admired were big-chested, and some of the girls at school who had boob jobs were already regretting it.”
It’s not just body insecurities that impacted Lydia, as her public profile raised she became struck with imposter syndrome – a mental condition that makes people think they are incompetent, unintelligent and lazy, and convince someone that they don’t deserve their success, despite how hard they may have worked for it.
This hit Lydia hard when she was invited to be part of a panel discussion at London fashion Week in 2012 led by fashion journalist Hillary Alexander and designer Oliver Rubin.
“In the days leading up to the discussion and in the first few questions I was in a state of panic, asking myself questions like, ‘What can I contribute, why am I sat next to such inspiring, intelligent and successful women. When will people realise I’m not as intelligent as them?
“Welcome to imposter syndrome – feelings of self-doubt that make you feel like a fraud.”
Lydia’s imposter syndrome and her body insecurities also came into force when she was put in front of the cameras for Towie photoshoots.
She explained: “Sam and I, along with a few of the other Towie girls – including Billie, Lucy Mecklenburgh, Jessica Wright and Lauren Goodger were called to a studios in London to do a Christmas party photoshoot for Now. All the girls were shining except – I was sure of it – me.
“That day I felt like a fraud. Unlike Sam, who’d done a little bit of catalogue modelling in the past and was nailing every picture, I felt rigid and uncomfortable in front of the lens.
“It’s important to emphasise at the time there were physical differences between myself and the Towie girls.
“They were all curvy, while I had what magazines would call a ‘boyish figure’ – straight up and down and athletic-looking because I didn’t grow boobs or develop a womanly bum, waist or hips until I was 23. But my self-consciousness was nothing to do with the physical and everything to do with how I felt inside.”
However years later Lydia says her confidence has grown – and this is something she credits her mum and ex-boyfriend James ‘Arg’ Argent with.
She told The Sun Online: “Growing up I was a little bit nervous because I suffered with Imposter Syndrome.
“My confidence really grew as I grew up. Mainly because of the people I had around me.
“My mum helped build me up and James was an amazing to have around -he pushed and encouraged me. It’s about finding your feet.
“Fake it til you make it. Build your confidence before you feel like you’re quite there. I felt like such a novice and was just winging it. If you persuade enough people you know what you’re talking about then you do!”
What is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome, or imposter phenomenon, refers to a distortion of thinking that makes a person feel like they incompetent, unintelligent and lazy.
The mental condition can convince a person that they do not deserve their success, despite how hard they may have worked for it.
People suffering with imposter syndrome are convinced they are faking their way through their accomplishments and are constantly worried they are going to be found out.
It was first referred to in a 1978 study by American psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes.
They wrote: “The term impostor phenomenon is used to designate an internal experience of intellectual phonies, which appears to be particularly prevalent and intense among a select sample of high achieving women.
“Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women who experience the imposter phenomenon persists in believing that they are really not bright and have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise.”
What are the symptoms?
- Negative self-talk
- A need to constantly check and re-check work
- Shying away from attention in the workplace
- Overcompensating in the workplace
- Persistent feelings of self-doubt and fear
Live, Laugh, Love Always, Lydia by Lydia Bright is published by Orion Spring in hardback out June 15, £16.99
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