Kerry Katona is ‘amazed’ she’s still alive after alcoholic mum got her hooked on drugs at 14 by pretending they were sweets
SHE became an addict at just 14 years old after her alcoholic mum gave her drugs - telling her they were “sherbet dip”.
And by 28, with three failed marriages and years of drug abuse behind her, Kerry Katona was suicidal.
It was only the thought of her five children -Molly, Lily, Heide, Maxwell and Dylan-Jorge - that pulled her back from the brink.
She says that for years she used cocaine as a crutch to help her with mental health issues and personal problems, but that it only made things ten times worse.
“I call it devils dandruff because it's toxic, it’s manipulating, it gives a false sense of security, it’s not really there for you, it's ruining you," she says.
"It's an escapism. Taking coke is better than facing the scariest thing going on in your life. You’re constantly chasing that buzz and you don't want the come down. The downers are awful."
"After taking drugs I used to have fits. My eyes would roll back and I’d be frothing at the mouth," she says “I could have died, I could have chocked on my own tongue, my own saliva."
After years of drug abuse, even Kerry is shocked she’s still alive and is conscious that she’s one of the lucky ones.
Tragically, it is too late for her ex-husband George Kay, 39, who was found dead at the weekend after a suspected cocaine overdose - just days after Kerry gave this interview passionately warning of the dangers of cocaine.
Devastated Kerry - who shared a daughter, Dylan, 5, with George - is now in Warrington supporting George's family and has visited his body in the morgue.
George was suffering from mental health problems including anxiety and depression, and Kerry is now more desperate than ever to warn people off cocaine.
She explains how her own drug addiction started at 14 - an age when the strongest thing most kids will have tried is a cigarette.
“My mum was a lesbian at the time and she was with her girlfriend in this pub and she had this bag of white powder.
“She said it's sherbet, dipped her finger in the bag and put it in my mouth - it was speed!"
“I went back out and sat with my mum and everyone was dead happy and I got this massive rush of adrenaline - I thought this is what people must do,” explains Kerry, who shot to fame with girl band Atomic Kitten in the late 1990s.
“I did cocaine every weekend after that, I just thought that’s what everyone did."
“I'd save my pocket money off my foster parents and go and get a bag of cocaine. I actually thought people who don’t do drugs were snobs!”
Kerry is backing The Sun Online’s End Of The Line campaign, which is raising awareness of the impact cocaine use can have on mental health.
Cocaine use among young people is on the rise, with 20 per cent of 16-24-year-olds admitting using in the last year.
Both Love Island’s Mike Thalassitis and Sophie Gradon had cocaine and alcohol in their systems when they killed themselves.
Kerry continued to take cocaine during her days in Atomic Kitten - using it to help with a fame she says was overwhelming - but managed to get clean after her marriage to Westlife star Brian McFadden in 2002, moving to Ireland with him and having two children, Molly and Lily.
However, their marriage broke down 2004 and Brian went on to date Australian singer Delta Goodrem after their divorce. Kerry had a nervous breakdown and ended up back on cocaine.
“I felt suicidal, I felt dirty, I had no friends. I was constantly in another world all of the time.
When I finally realised what my habit was doing to me I had to fight against it," she says.
Against all the odds, Kerry managed to get clean ten years ago.
She says she hit rock bottom sitting in a car park with her mum, doing lines of cocaine.
"I was going 'I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want it'. I wanted to get out of my skin," says Kerry.
Have you or your family been affected by cocaine? Tell us your story by emailing [email protected]
She checked into a fitness bootcamp with her mum before going to rehab in Arizona and has been clean ever since.
“My biggest achievement apart from my children is the fact I did turn my life around,” says Kerry.
But while she was lucky enough to escape her addiction, she can see how other young famous people might not be so fortunate.
She explains that celebrities often end up taking cocaine while being paid to make personal appearances at nightclubs - so that they can stay awake all night and party with people who have come to see them.
“When I was in Atomic Kitten we all got offered drugs all of the time,” she said. “When you’re new in the circle, you think ‘oh well I want to be like those other celebs who are getting off their head’.
“Everyone’s trying to make a quick, fast pound off them and they're getting booked for as many PAs as possible.
“At those events you're constantly drinking and you end up turning to coke or whatever drug it is to kind of keep you in the game a little bit and make sure you can stay up all night because that's what people expect of you," she says.
End Of The Line
Cocaine use is reaching epidemic levels in Britain, with the UK branded the ‘Coke capital’ of Europe.
More than one in ten British adults are believed to have tried it, and with young people the numbers are even worse.
A staggering one in five 16 – 24-year-olds have taken cocaine in the last year.
That’s why The Sun has launched its End Of The Line campaign, calling for more awareness around the drug.
Cocaine use can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and paranoia, while doctors have linked the rise in cheap, potent coke to an increase in suicide rates.
People from all walks of life, from builders and labourers to celebrities like Kerry and Jeremy McConnell – who are backing our campaign – have fallen foul of its lure.
It’s an issue which is sweeping the UK and, unless its tackled now, means a mental health crisis is imminent.
But Kerry warns that once cocaine has you in its clutches, there can often be no way back.
She says that after taking so much coke she foamed at the mouth and passed out, she'd then start all over again.
“I’d get straight back up afterwards feeling like I was re-born. It was an amazing feeling. I would get straight back up and have another line," she says.
I do remember the time i was actually going to a bootcamp for Closer magazine to see how much weight I had lost and before I got in the car, I was sitting there with my mum and having a few lines of coke and going 'I don't want to do this any more. I don't want it. I wanted to get out of my skin. Iwent to bootcamp and that was 10 years ago in January just gone and I've never looked back."
Rehab in Arizona also helped her 10 years ago and when she left she got tattoos to stop herself committing suicide.
She said: "When I went to Arizona to rehab, when Brian left me, when they asked me about my childhood.
"When I talk about my childhood I used to say it as if it was scripted and I'd make jokes because it was a defence mechanism. But in rehab, they really peel the layers back and they got really deep and it really affected me.
"My first memory is when my mum slit her wrists when I was three. She did that up until I was 17, she used to OD and slit her wrists, and I used to have to pick her up.
"When I got educated on mental health I even went to Oxford University, not to study, as a guest, and we did a bit of research into whether it's DNA, whether it's learnt behaviour, or if it's genetic.
"I sat there in rehab and I have a Biro, and I wrote Molly and Lily's names on my wrist cos I thought, it is genetic, and if I do go to self-harm, it's a reminder of how I felt when my mum wanted to take her own life, because I felt worthless.
"I thought, why don't you want to stay on this Earth for me? I'm your only child, I thought I would never want my children to feel like that, so if they ever did go to self-harm, I'd have to cut through my children's names, which is something that I'd never do, so that's why I got Molly and Lily on my wrists."
Am I addicted to cocaine? The signs and symptoms of addiction
Cocaine is highly addictive and what can start out as a one-off can quickly turn into a habit.
Regular use of the drug changes the way the brain releases dopamine - a chemical in the brain that makes you feel happy.
But the high is short-lived so often users will take more to feel the desired effects again.
Over time, the body and brain can become too used to cocaine that it builds up a tolerance, which means you have to take more to feel the same high.
If you recognise any of the following behaviours in yourself, it might mean you've developed an addiction to cocaine:
- You're taking more of the drug to feel the effects
- When you stop or reduce your dosage, you feel agitated, restless and depressed
- You're struggling to cut down or control how much you take, even if you try to
- You spend a lot of time thinking about and trying to get cocaine
- You're disregarding family, friends and work in favour of taking cocaine
- You know the damage it's doing to you, but you can't stop taking it
“If you've got issues, you don’t feel like you can face it head on without anything in your system. Even just being the real you is terrifying thing.
“As the saying goes, 'a bit of Dutch courage', so you’ll have a drink and then you might have a line of coke and then it goes one step too far.
“So many people are afraid of being their true self because they've got so lost in this fake reality of drugs and alcohol, they don’t know who they are anymore.
“It’s a scary thought to face yourself in the mirror and not like the person you’ve become.”
“I 100 per cent understand why people who get famous so early on and get into drugs want to take their own life.
“There’s definitely an underlying issue to start with, but it’s such a bubble that we live in in this industry."
Last week Celebrity Big Brother star Jeremy McConnell told how he became 'hooked' on cocaine before realising it was 'the devil'.
Kerry sympathises with modern celebrities, who are catapulted to fame - and then see their stars fade just as quickly.
“The thing with people like Mike and Sophie is that they've been thrown into the industry and then are suddenly just left behind after they’ve had their 15 minutes of fame," says Kerry.
“But once you've got a taste of that fame – being invited to all the best parties and having people want to take your picture all the time – and then all of a sudden everything stops, it's sh*t.
“Fame, I think, is a drug in itself for a lot of people.
“My advice would be to just speak to somebody, that's a massive step. There's always another option than taking your own f***ing life."
“It's a vicious cycle and it takes a brave person to come away from it."
It's a cycle Kerry fortunately managed to break. And, incredibly, she’s even managed to forgive her mum.
Where to go for help
Helpline open 24/7: 0300 123 6600
For help finding a service or to Instant chat
Help for anyone with drug and alcohol issues.
Dedicated help for people under 25.
Mental health support line: 0300 304 7000
Rehab and community addiction treatment
0300 330 0659
Helpline open 9am-9pm, 7 days a week
0300 888 3853
Help for families affected by drugs and alcohol
“My mum wasn't stable and she had a lot of mental health issues," says Kerry, now 38, who was in foster care but would visit her mum at weekends.
"Now I understand that’s why she was using drugs like speed and cocaine, and she was an alcoholic too.
"We’ve got to look at WHY people are taking cocaine - and get them the help they need before it’s too late."
“There’s always an underlying cause as to why they were doing that and why it escalated.
“I understand how incredibly hard it is for people. I get so many DMs (Direct Messages) asking for advice about coke addiction, alcoholism and mental health.
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"I’m not a professional, but I tell them you'll get through it because if I can turn it around, anyone can turn it around.
“That’s why I’m so happy to be supporting this campaign, encouraging people to go and talk.
“If you've got some kind of problem, if you think it’s getting out of hand, reach out and talk to somebody - nothing is worth taking your own life.”
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