One student opens up about the pain of being told she was infertile after eating disorder made her go through menopause at age 20
It was Heather Muir's dream to be a ballerina but the want to be slim and graceful led to her weighing just 6st at 16 years old
HEATHER Muir, 22, is a university student and lives in Glasgow. She says:
"Walking past a playground filled with children, their laughter is like a kick to my stomach. I’m not at an age where I should be thinking about becoming a mum, but they are a reminder of something I’ll never have – a baby of my own.
As a child, I was desperate to be a ballerina.
I practised four times a week from the age of six, and I strived to look like the professionals – slim and graceful.
Even my ballet teacher warned our parents to keep us away from sweets so we’d look our best.
I was just 12 when a few really slim girls at ballet said they’d lost weight by skipping meals.
I started to do the same, missing lunch but telling my mum Julie, now 52, I was buying it at school.
Within a month, my childhood puppy fat had disappeared.
When my ballet teacher told me I looked great, it spurred me on.
On top of ballet practice, I started hitting the gym every other day and then going on long, punishing runs.
I found diet inspiration from pro-anorexia websites and ate just three jars of baby food a day, or nothing at all.
By 16, I was 5ft 5in and I weighed 6st.
I’m sure my mum had long suspected I wasn’t eating, but I’d become a master at lying and hiding it from her.
However, when I could no longer disguise my small frame under oversized clothes, she tearfully confronted me, saying she was scared.
I felt terrible, and told her I wasn’t eating because of the stress of juggling ballet and school – not because I wanted to be thin.
She suggested counselling, but I promised her I’d be fine and quit ballet.
For me, being slim was more important than my childhood dream.
I tried to eat more.
I’m vegetarian, so I added lentils, beans and Quorn to my diet, but also took laxatives and stuffed my pockets with classmates’ empty food wrappers to trick Mum into thinking I was eating.
Still, I gained around 10lb to make her happy – but every mouthful felt like a punishment.
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I went to Glasgow Caledonian University in 2013 to study Spanish.
Living in halls, I’d go for days only drinking coffee, which left me too weak for class, and my grades began to suffer.
If friends asked me out for a meal, I’d lie that I had too much work to do.
In October 2014, my periods stopped – by then my BMI was just 13.9, much lower than the healthy range of 18.5 to 24.9.
I started getting hot flushes and struggled to sleep.
I took a pregnancy test, which came back negative, but when I still hadn’t had a period for three months I went to my GP.
After urine and blood tests, he revealed that my hormone levels were so low – because of my extreme dieting – that I’d gone through an early menopause.
I didn’t understand the severity of it until he told me I’d never be able to have children.
The idea of having kids was always a long way off, but having that option taken away was crushing.
The news stunned me into trying to get better – but I still had bad days, starving and purging myself.
It took me a whole year before I told my mum.
She was devastated.
I promised I’d try to get better, and I am.
Though I have a way to go, I’m making small steps, trying to eat three healthy meals a day and I’m working up the courage to get counselling.
Now I weigh nearly 8st and am a size 6-8.
My biggest fear is that I’ll be alone forever – what man wants a woman who can’t give them a baby?
I try to stay positive and remind myself that this is my life now, and there’s always adoption.
The most important thing is that I learn to love myself again."
BTW
More than 725,000 people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder.*
Depleted nutrition and rapid weight loss can interfere with hormonal balance, which has an effect on the menstrual cycle.**
For help and support go to
Sources: *Beat **Eatingdisorderexpert.co.uk
If you found this story interesting, you might like to read about this anorexic teen who overcame her eating disorder.