Stuck in a rut? How 4 new personality types – the Rock, Gladiator, Hustler and Bridge – might be to blame

Do you keep ending up in situations that make you unhappy, but can’t figure out why? A blind spot is probably to blame.

These are sneaky areas of our consciousness that we fail to tune into and, the more we ignore them, the more they keep tripping us up in life, be it in relationships or at work.

In her new book, What Am I Missing?, author and psychotherapist Emma Reed Turrell identifies four new personality profiles, centred on these so-called blind spots:

• The Rock is resilient but can’t show vulnerability;
• The Gladiator is determined but untrusting;
• The Hustler is charming but has no self-worth;
• The Bridge is easy-going but lacks true authenticity. 

In therapy, Emma says clients often ask her what they are missing when trying to understand why they are repeatedly coming up against the same challenges in life. 

It might be that they can’t put their finger on why they feel so low, why the success of their friends bothers them, or why they just can’t open up to others. “If you already know something is bothering you, but you’re not sure what, or you can’t figure out how you’ve ended up in a situation that doesn’t make you happy, there’s probably a blind spot at play,” explains Emma. To beat it, first find out which personality type you are…

The Rock 

Strong, responsible and supportive – that’s The Rock. They are dependable and often find friends turning to them in times of trouble. However, their blind spot means they can neglect their own needs. “Rocks often come to therapy when they burn out at work, feel overwhelmed as a parent or can’t seem to take any joy in life,” says Emma.

“A Rock’s emotional needs are often lost to their blind spot, as they favour self-control over vulnerability and prioritise the needs of others over their own,” says Emma. What’s more, the ever-logical Rock might find themself on the receiving end of others who carry gaps in their self-esteem or unmet needs in their other relationships. 

Beat your blind spot

FRIENDS Being the one everyone turns to will deplete your energy. “Remember to top up your own tank too,” says Emma. She also recommends always being honest with friends and encouraging them to improve on themselves rather than solely relying on you.

FAMILY “If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your emotions with your family, try rehearsing what you want to say with someone else or putting it down in words, as this can help take the heat out of a conversation,” says Emma.

ROMANCE The Rock can seem emotionally unavailable and get stuck in relationships of the head – not the heart. “You can only build intimacy in relationships when you take the risk to be vulnerable,” says Emma. “Start by being clear on how you feel first. You might say: ‘I am a bit uncomfortable opening up, but can I tell you how I’m feeling?’”

WORK “Beware of burnout,” warns Emma. “Your self-reliance can see you taking on too much and not asking for help.” Delegate to co-workers, letting them take on tasks that will suit their skills. 

The Gladiator

The Gladiator is brave, confident and determined to reach their goals. They can make for brilliant leaders, but at times their single-minded focus can make them appear self-interested, which can lead to conflict. Gladiators may have grown up with unwanted responsibility or pressure to forge their path, which can lead to them developing a distrust of others and failing to see the alternative option. 

Beat your blind spot

FRIENDS Gladiators can come across as bossy without meaning to. “Look for the mutual win when you’re making plans with friends – you can compromise and still feel better about the end result,” says Emma. Do this by focusing on what’s appropriate, rather than what’s “right”. 

FAMILY Gladiators can feel stuck in a pattern of resistance. They often think their opinion is the correct one. But Emma explains that it’s OK to change your mind. “Ask other people about their views and experiences – there can be more than one truth in a family.” 

ROMANCE It’s hard for Gladiators to trust others, so they often avoid relationships. “You might keep your true feelings to yourself or give mixed messages that keep people at a distance, when really you’re protecting yourself from rejection,” says Emma. Try opening up to someone you trust and let them see your insecurities. “Slowly build evidence that you can be safe in relationships,” suggests Emma.

WORK “It’s great to bring determination and focus to a task, but you might get further, faster, if you build more collaborative relationships with the team first,” advises Emma. 

The Hustler

The Hustler is conflict-averse and good at compromise, but has blind spots when it comes to staying true to their own needs and feelings, says Emma. They rely on charm, persuasion and guilt trips to get what they want, and often grew up treading on eggshells. Their need to keep the peace can invite drama, as it relies on manipulative behaviour. 

Beat your Blind spot

FRIENDS Hustlers can be insecure, but often mask this. If you’re feeling this way, tell the person involved and try not to worry about how they may respond. “We can’t prevent someone getting annoyed,” says Emma. “We can only trust that a good friend will be open to repair if we’ve miscalculated.” 

FAMILY You spend too much time second-guessing others and lose sight of who they are. “Take responsibility for your feelings and let them be responsible for theirs,” says Emma.

ROMANCE A preference for harmony means a Hustler relies on others to read their mind, or manipulation. “Instead, tell them directly, but be open to negotiation,” says Emma.

WORK “Rather than dropping hints that may come across as passive-aggressive when you need things to be different, try telling your colleagues or bosses what you need,” says Emma.

The Bridge 

The Bridge usually appears easy-going and cooperative, but their need for peace can be a blind spot, as it can leave them feeling naive and even exploited. They may have grown up with an overprotective parent. Sometimes, the efforts a compliant Bridge makes to avoid upsetting others are the very ones that will stifle an authentic connection, because true friendships are based on common ground. 

Beat your blind spot

FRIENDS Bridges can be accused of over-promising and under-delivering. “You don’t have to always say yes,” says Emma, adding that it’s important to be clear on your priorities.

FAMILY Having an easy-going personality might work when things are plain sailing, but when there is conflict, you have a right to express your opinions.

ROMANCE Being the passenger in a relationship can create an unhealthy parent/child dynamic, so show up as the equal you are. “Believe in yourself and what you offer,” says Emma.

WORK You’re a willing worker – but don’t be afraid to speak up and let others benefit from your expertise. 

•  What Am I Missing? by Emma Reed Turrell (£18.99, Penguin Life) is out now.