How to hack your nervous system to stop feeling sensitive, exhausted or anxious in 3 steps

DO you feel as though you’re hyper-sensitive, unable to switch off, always busy, or constantly exhausted? 

If this sounds familiar, your nervous system could be due a reboot, says therapist Abby Rawlinson, author of Reclaiming You: Your Therapy Toolkit For Life’s Twists And Turns. 

The nervous system sends messages between the brain and body, and so it controls our ability to move, breathe, see, think and more.

Within this lies the autonomic nervous system, responsible for three emotional states and physical responses: “fight or flight” and “shutdown” – which are activated when the brain perceives a threat – and “safe and social”, which returns us to relaxation.

We flit between these states daily and, while a resilient nervous system can help you jump from fearful to calm, one that’s not well regulated can see you stuck in fight-or-flight mode or shutdown for too long.

This can lead to poor mental health and a reliance on coping strategies such as people-pleasing and perfectionism. 

“Becoming aware of which state we’re in is very useful, as each has a different impact on how we think and feel,” says Abby.

“We can change our mindset from: ‘This is how I am,’ to: ‘This is how I respond.’ It’s subtle, but a huge step towards becoming more self-aware.”

Part 1: Get to know your nervous system

Fight or flight

When the body perceives a threat, we have a fight-or-flight response – a survival mechanism whereby stress hormones are produced to help us know when to leave a situation.

“The threat might be real, such as a truck barrelling towards us, or a perceived threat, such as a message on WhatsApp,” says Abby.

“Being in fight or flight can be fleeting, but some people live in this state, which can feel like existing in a constant state of emergency.”

Feels like: Alertness, on edge or anger. “This is the mode we’re in when we react to people, rather than respond to them. This might look like snapping at our loved ones,” says Abby.

Thoughts like: “I must get out of here now!”

Shutdown

This is when the brain tells the body to freeze – it’s feeling like you’ve had enough, or when everything gets too much.

It could be triggered by a small event, such as feeling ignored at work, or unmanaged chronic stress.

“We begin to withdraw,” says Abby.

“It robs us of joy, productivity and our ability to connect with others.” Shame is associated with shutdown, too.

“Those who have experienced extreme shutdown will look back at a situation where they were unsafe and wonder why they didn’t shout or run away,” adds Abby.

“But going into this mode is not a cognitive decision – it’s an automatic response for survival.”

Feels like: Flat, unmotivated, depressed and lacking in energy to do simple things. 

Thoughts like: “I want to disappear.”

Safe and social

When the nervous system is regulated and calm, it is in the safe-and-social state. “It’s our preferred place, where we can be our most authentic selves,” says Abby.

“Instead of freaking out over small inconveniences, we can go with the flow and see the bigger picture. So when we miss the bus or our phone battery dies, we can still meet the demands of the day without getting overwhelmed.” 

Feels like: Positive, creative, life seems manageable.

Thoughts like: “I can do this, everything is going to be OK.”

Part 2: Harness It 

What are your triggers?

Threats that trigger the nervous system to enter fight-or-flight or shutdown mode can be physical, such as tripping and spilling a coffee, or emotional.

“An emotional trigger is anything that unconsciously reminds us of past pain, typically from childhood,” Abby explains.

Identifying your triggers takes time. When you next notice a shift from feeling good to less so, try to describe the exact feeling you had, as well as what this experience might subconsciously be reminding you of.

From there, you can determine which state you went into. It can also help to write this down so that, over time, you can spot any patterns.

Abby gives an example: “Your partner comes home with the wrong bread, and you become overwhelmed by anger. You try to figure out why you flew into fight or flight over something so small, and realise it could be because you were repeatedly denied what you wanted as a child. Feeling controlled, ignored or having emotionally unavailable parents are common emotional triggers.”

Getting stuck 

A dysregulated nervous system means you are inflexible between the three states. For example, a traffic jam on the way to work may make you snappy for the rest of the day.

“Our nervous systems are shaped by our personal histories,” says Abby, adding that trauma and chronic stress are key contributors of dysregulation.

One of the problems with dysregulation is that you are more likely to experience what psychologists call “cognitive distortions” – AKA when your thoughts don’t necessarily match up with reality.

Examples are black-and-white thinking, jumping to conclusions or catastrophising.

“The more we listen to these irrational thoughts, the more dysregulated our nervous system can become,” explains Abby.

How to heal 

The goal is to not squash the body’s nervous system responses, as they keep us safe, but rather learning that your response to life’s challenges are a choice you can make and are within your control.

“We can soften an inner critic that shames and blames us,” says Abby.

“We can heal our nervous system and retrain it to spend more time in a safe-and-social state.”

This is where “glimmers” – the opposite of triggers – come in.

“Glimmers activate the vagus nerve, which has one end in the core of the brain and goes all the way into the gut,” says Abby.

“It is responsible for getting us back into a state where we feel calm, focused and at ease.”

Glimmers include:

• Being in nature
• Breathing
• Exercises
• Yoga
• Mindfulness
• Journaling
• Bathing
• Dancing
• Laughing
• Swimming
• Hugging a loved one
• Singing
• A phone call
• Organising
• Cooking
• Reading
• Time alone
• Being with animals
• Socialising

Glimmers can be applied depending on the nervous system state you’re in.

Stressed? Go for a run.

Shutdown? Try a gentle walk, a bath or phoning a friend.

While Netflix, wine and comfort food may bring you joy, Abby warns against these if they’re being used to numb your emotions.

It’s a fine line, but the idea is to feel calm, safe and connected in your body and mind, not to push feelings down.

Note down glimmers you know work for you and keep adding to the list. The idea is to integrate them into your daily life, slowly building more resilience so you don’t sweat the small stuff.

“The positive effects of glimmers are cumulative,” Abby says.

“So each time we soothe our system and restore a state of calm, we’re building new pathways to relaxation and developing more resilience and flexibility.”