Meet the women who are pals with their ex’s new love just like Gwyneth Paltrow
Three couples explain why consciously throupling is the best way to break up
FOR most of us, the thought of meeting our ex-partner’s new girlfriend would make us feel sick to the stomach.
But last month Gwyneth Paltrow, 46, posted an image of herself out with ex-husband Chris Martin’s new partner, Fifty Shades Of Grey actress Dakota Johnson, 29 – and captioned it “consciously throupling”.
Gwyn has famously remained friends with Coldplay singer Chris, 42, even organising a brunch for him, her and new husband producer Brad Falchuk, 48.
But is it really normal to want to befriend your ex’s new love?
Three couples tell Jenny Francis why consciously throupling is the best way to break up.
'She told me if Damon didn’t treat me properly she would make his life hell'
WHEN animal rescue charity manager Sal Raynor, 44, got a call from her ex-partner of 12 months Damon Hillier, 41, she didn’t hang up. Instead, she advised him on how to impress his new woman.
The pair, from Helston, Cornwall, remained pals after realising they no longer fancied one another but still had a lot in common. Not only do they still hang out, but Damon’s new girlfriend Annie Caroe, 27, a care home manager, is one of Sal’s best friends.
Sal, a mum of four, says: "Breaking up with Damon was the best thing I ever did, as I ended up gaining two new friendships.
"I’d known Damon for years, as we live near each other and hung out at the same pub.
"We got together in 2000 and were a couple for a year before we drifted apart to become friends more than lovers. There were no bad feelings, the passion had just gone.
"I still called him to help with the dogs I rescue or whenever I needed someone to help fix something at the house, and he called when he needed a chat or advice.
"Neither of us wanted to give up our friendship after the break-up. We are both protective of each other and people are always shocked when we tell them we are just friends.
"It was in May 2015 when Damon met Annie at a party. She is 13 years younger than Damon and he rang me the next day asking if I thought it was OK to ask her out – and for a suggestion as to where to take her.
"I didn’t feel jealous. I love that I’m the one he calls for advice. I gave him a list of nice places and, two weeks later, he invited me to a pub to meet her.
"We hit it off immediately. Annie is a dog lover and wanted to know all about the rescue charity I run. She manages a care home for people with learning disabilities and my youngest daughter has special needs.
"We spent two hours talking and Damon barely got a word in. She and Damon are perfect for each other and it’s been such a relief to me that we can all be friends. I don’t know how I’d cope without Damon as a friend. I consider him and Annie family now.
"I believe that being friends before we dated allowed us to stay friends after, too, and I knew he’d choose a great girlfriend. We’re a great threesome."
Annie says: “I’m younger than Damon and meeting an ex-girlfriend the same age as him was daunting.
“But meeting Sal the first time was like meeting a long-lost sister. She made me feel so welcome, gave me her phone number and texted me the next day to say how lovely it was to meet me.
“She told Damon if he didn’t treat me properly she’d make his life hell.”
Damon, a recycling co-ordinator, says: “Sal and I have always been there for each other. We didn’t want our friendship to fail just because our relationship had.
“I rely on Sal’s advice. To see two people who are important to me get on, despite society saying exes should hate each other, makes me feel blessed.”
'Some friends hate the new missus but I felt so lucky to have a friendship instead'
WHEN Louise Crook found out that her ex-husband Gareth Walker was dating someone new, just a year after their divorce, she did not feel upset. Instead, she couldn’t wait to meet his new love.
The 35-year-old mum of three, from Chorley, Lancs, instantly struck up a relationship with full-time mum Zoe Walker, 25, and is now so close to her 35-year-old ex’s new partner that the pair even go clubbing together.
Louise, a trainee nurse, says: "Gareth and I were school sweethearts and lived together for six years before we said “I do” in December 2006.
"Our daughter, Kadie-Leigh, was born in July 2007 but we quickly realised we had married too young, and we split in December 2007.
"But we were committed to co-parenting our daughter so we agreed to be friends. Then 12 months later, I found out Gareth had started dating a girl called Zoe.
"I was a little taken aback, especially when I heard she was ten years younger, but there was no point in feeling the “I hate the new girlfriend” emotion.
"So when Zoe and Gareth came to pick up my daughter a few weeks later, I made a point of being really nice and I instantly realised she was my sort of girl.
"The next visit, I invited them in for a cuppa and suggested Zoe and I exchange numbers to keep in touch about childcare. She seemed so pleased and I started looking forward to hanging out.
"As our friendship grew she started asking me for advice about Gareth. I’d offer him advice to keep Zoe happy and console Zoe if she needed it.
"We’d often bond over a glass of wine and a gossip. I have known friends hate the new missus but I felt so lucky to have a friendship instead.
"In 2008 Louise began dating community support officer Paul Crook, now 32, and they wed in 2011. Louise says: “Soon all four of us were enjoying dinner together.
"I have a 15-year-old daughter, Rhianne, from a previous relationship, Kadie-Leigh, 11, with Gareth and six-year-old Eli with Paul.
"Zoe and Gareth have two kids, Gracie-Mai, eight, and Hollie, two.
"I went on Zoe’s hen do and helped her plan her wedding. Zoe and I love going clubbing – we leave our husbands at home."
Zoe says: “When I started dating Gareth I was nervous about meeting his ex so when Louise asked me in for a cup of tea I half expected an interrogation, but instead I got immediate friendship.
“Since then we’ve always trusted each other. We’re both proud of being a bit rebellious so when people said it was weird that we were friends it made our bond even stronger.”
Gareth, a warehouse supervisor, says: “It’s so great Zoe and Louise get on. Having peace between the homes of two divorced co-parents makes life much easier.
“When I divorced a wife, I gained a friend and an extended family.”
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'I love our nights out... even though the girls sometimes gang up on me'
OFFICE administrator Victoria James was flattered when her ex-boyfriend of a year, 23-year-old horse- riding instructor Joe Hutchins, wanted to introduce her to his new love.
The 21-year-old, from Penryn, Cornwall, says meeting university student Tally Hopkins, 22, has made her a better person, with the pair now enjoying horse-riding days out and going to concerts together. And Joe thinks more women should do similar.
Victoria says: "Joe and I met through friends at a party back in March 2017.
"We hit it off because we both love horse-riding and he offered me free lessons.
"It wasn’t long before we were dating. It was great at first but after a year his job and my shift work made us grow apart and we parted ways.
"At first we didn’t speak – break-ups are always hard – but we eventually bumped into each other at parties, so rekindled a friendship.
"I heard through a pal that he had started dating someone new two months after we split.
"I remember thinking it was weird that I didn’t feel jealous – instead I was happy for him.
"A few weeks later I saw Joe and he told me about Tally. She’d moved to Penryn to study and he wanted her to meet his friends. I was flattered and agreed to meet her over lunch.
"I could tell Tally was nervous but I did everything I could to make her feel welcome. She was lovely and quickly gained her confidence when she realised there was no bad feeling between us.
"I invited her to come shopping with me when Joe was working and we had such a fun day.
"Soon we were regularly meeting up for drinks, horse-riding and going to concerts together.
"Joe thinks it’s great and I often tell him off if he upsets her.
"I’ve vowed my next boyfriend must accept Joe and Tally and not get jealous."
Tally says: “It’s always nerve-racking meeting your new boyfriend’s friends, so when Joe told me we were having lunch with his ex I was even more nervous.
“I did wonder why they were still friends and if anything was still going on between them.
“But ten minutes with Victoria and I knew we’d be friends. Whenever I have an argument with Joe it’s Victoria I call for advice.
“It’s great we can all hang out.”
Joe says: “I’ve always tried to stay friends with ex-girlfriends. I live in a small town and you can’t help but run into people.
“Victoria made Tally so welcome. I love our group nights out – even though the girls will sometimes gang up on me.”
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